SoppyCow96 Posted February 23, 2013 Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 http://greedyfatgirl96.blogspot.co.uk/ http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4281126984600926227#editor/target=post;postID=7096874474739563416 http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4281126984600926227#editor/target=post;postID=592961909050853615 This is just a blog i wrote down about myself to try and make me feel better about things so if you want to read you can if your bored or interested if you got any questions about it tho ill answer xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dolphin92 Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Hi, I could only read the first link as the other two needed me to create an account to read them. That's awful, are you away from him now? I hope you are. You sound like you've been through so much, you didn't deserve all that shit you're a good person. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 hiya i really appreciate that you took the time to read it even if it was only the first link i didnt think anyone would bother so thanks yes im away from him now thankfully i would of killed myself if i still lived with him his still with my mum tho and she tries to black mail me to txt him and come over to see him which i really dont want to do. i live with my bf now so he cant get to me i feel free here but everytime i do see him he just puts me back in that dark place that i dont want to be in gets meback under his thumb and i dont want that so im trying to stay away but my mum makes it difficult for me. Thank you for being so kind you are also a good person xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Hi again, i suppose i should carry on from where i left off. The psyciatrist = what a waste of time! Her name was zara and i saw her for five months and every time i saw her she had a great talent of pissing me off She said he was going to help me with my "problems". Well my problem is him obviously but she didnt mean that problem she meant my self harming. First of all self harming isnt a problem for me its helpful so therefore i dont need to stop it. When im depressed i cut myself to make me feel better obviously it doesnt make the problem go awaybut in my headit makes me feel bette so i dont understand whats the harm in it. It stops me having dark thoughts and this woman is all up for herself saying its really bad ucould accidently cut a vein blah blah yes because im stupid enough to do it across my wrists (sarcasim). Basically all the visits were the same id sit there for an hour shed be staring at me analsying every move i made and id be honest with her tell her the truth about every thing the last shred of hope i had that she would say something along the lines of "georgina thats terrible u shouldnt live this way i shall help you" but no she never said anything even close to that she said "HE doesnt seem like a bad bloke maybe you dont like him as his replacing your father?"Wtf! didnt she listen to anything ive said? HE doesnt seem like a bad bloke ay? well you bloody try living with him for ten yrs see if ur still saying that! Any way shewas only interested in stopping the self harming. She wanted me to try out this triangle method: Feel depressed- do something that doesnt make u depressed = happy yes well done zara thats solves all my problems. First of all things that make me not depressed; having a bath( oh i cant do that withoutHIS permission and im only allowed a bath once in the morning so what happens if im depressed later on?)Drawing (oh yes i cant draw because HE doesnt let me) or talk to my mum (oh cant do that either as his always around so unsafe and whenevers his not around im just left with a robot) so that aint gunna work. To make zara stop going on about cutting and stuff i just said i stopped then she discharged me... After lots of normal stuff happened like arguments mum saying she was going to kill herself on valentines day, Him sleeping with other slags, me over dosing on pills but sadly i didnt take enough pills and woke up in the morning as usual.He affected my education as well i couldnt concentrate in class i didnt putmy hand up to ask questions i didnt listen rarely did homework open evenings He came once i wanted to pick art for my gcse option and he started shouting at me out side art block saying i wasnt going to get anymore doing art and that he wasnt going to let me pick it. My other open days during secondary school i went by myself i didnt want him to go but i wanted my mum but she couldnt come because it would start an argumnt if she went and HE never. All i remember from being a kid is lots of court cases the police being involved things getting smashed up HIM saying he was gunna to hurt us being in a safe house and just HIM ruining everything as usual. Obviously i cant tell you all the major things that happened as id be sittinghere writing it all till im in my fifties so im just giving you a handle of things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Above is my second link so you can still read it without having to create an account x im gunna put my last part up here too x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 The third part.. I couldnt wait until i could move out but thought it was only legal when im 18 but having looked on the internet found out i could move out at 16 so things were looking up. I met a very very VERY annoying bloke called Daniel who really irritates me but his very unique minded and isnt very normal so i grew to like him we started going out in March 2012. Since i wasnt allowed out i onlygot to see him sometimes during the week or ten minutes all depending on what time HE would be in. The only thing i enjoyed in life was going to see Daniel his the only person that can make me happy. After a while i got pregnant with our daughter Amelia Rose Bailey. I never considered having an abortion. I dont believe in them so i was more than happy to keep her. I moved into Daniels and just sent my mum a text saying i wasnt coming back and she should know why.When i told her i was pregnant she told me "you better be getting rid of it" but no i aint gunna kill my baby jut coz she told me so even if HE started on me id never do that. We didnt have much money just £70.00 every fortnight but we managed to pull the money together. We bought her everything carseat,cot, clothes, toys, teething stuff, baby bath about £500 we spent had everything prepared. Then things werent looking so good... I became very ill i got dizzy and kept throwing eveything up i had no energy. I went to my mumsonce then threw up at the heathway which was embarrassing. Saw one of mymidwifes and did a test said i had a urine infection and had to go to doctors to get some pills. My doctors really shit and takes ages to make an appointment eventually i got my pills took them for a while and started to feel better. I think it was a couple of days later me and daniel were staying over my mums when in the morning i wet to go to the toilet and was petrified when i realised the sac was coming out of me. So i told my mum and she started to panic which worried me more, then she had to take a look at my ( u no) and she called an ambulance and i went to Queens Hospital which is shit. Stayed there for hours and started bleeding then had absolutely painful contractions and for pain relief i had gas+air/ pethidine it was like being pissed not knowing whats going on mega scared and people keep telling me to push! Some time later Amelia's head got stuck in my cervix and took ages to push her out. Then finally she was born at 8.05pm on the 23rd August 2012 and i knew she wasnt alive before they told us. She wasnt moving or crying or anything. She was so beautiful but so tiny. We stayed with her overnight and i couldnt leave anyway coz i lost a lot of blood and had to go one iron tablets we bathed her clothed her took photos of her and visited her. We gave her a funeral. Bought her angel clothes from the build a bear shop (even them teddy clothes were too big for her) got her white horses to take her to the grave yard we followed behind in funeral cars and said our good byes. I was meant to have started college ages ago but obviously i couldnt attend because of all this going on i did two whole days in college but missed a lot coz i had to go to lots of blood tests and discovered i have a cyst. So college knew everything and basically said my attendance isnt good enough so they kicked me out. Since then me and daniel been grieving and playing the xbox. We want to have a house of our own one day but gunna need money to save up. I dont reallywant a proper job not really my thing so we and daniel decided to get money through youtube all we have to do is play lots of games show people glitches eastereggs etc and put advertisements in our uploads. So my name onyoutube is GreedyFatGirl if you want to check out my channel and subscribe please that would be helpful. Also check out GreedyFatBoys channel as well links below: www.youtube.com/user/greedyfatgirl www.youtube.com/user/greedyfatbo y Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dolphin92 Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 hiya i really appreciate that you took the time to read it even if it was only the first link i didnt think anyone would bother so thanks yes im away from him now thankfully i would of killed myself if i still lived with him his still with my mum tho and she tries to black mail me to txt him and come over to see him which i really dont want to do. i live with my bf now so he cant get to me i feel free here but everytime i do see him he just puts me back in that dark place that i dont want to be in gets meback under his thumb and i dont want that so im trying to stay away but my mum makes it difficult for me. Thank you for being so kind you are also a good person xx No probs I think you should definitely keep your distance you sound much better off without him in your life. No problem I'm always here if you need me, thank you xx I just read your other two posts, thanks for posting them. In the second part, I am shocked that your psychiatrist said that he didn't seem like a bad bloke... it sounds like he put you and your mum through a hell of a lot. I wish that you and your mum didn't have to go through all of that. Maybe a different psychiatrist would be more helpful, or a counsellor maybe? About the third part, I am so sorry about your daughter Amelia, that's so sad Noone should have to go through that. Sending you lots of big hugs :bigarmhug[1]: I hope that good things happen to you soon, you deserve it xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Thank you your so kind ill always be here for u as well nd ur welcome i thought it wouldnt be fair if other people can see the posts and you cant just because you havent got an account so i thought id post them for you and yes i thought my psyciatrist was pretty rubbish shes the only one ive ever seen so i think wouldnt a counsellor or another psyciatrist be the same as she was? Coz i wouldnt wana waste my time pouring out my problems for them to be no help. Do you find these sort of people helpful? Where do you go to see one anyway? I was referred to by the doctor should i just ask him? Thanks for being so nice to me i hope good things happen to you as well i have been through so much and im only 17 now lol xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dolphin92 Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Aw thanks that means a lot I wasn't a huge fan of my psychiatrist either tbh, I felt like she knew a lot about the mind and she seemed nice enough but she didn't really help me much. But I found my counsellor really helpful, I warmed to her and was able to open up to her quite a lot. She suggested quite a lot of helpful things and she helped me understand myself and my family a bit better. I saw my counsellor at college cuz there was a counselling service at my college, and I was referred to the psychiatrist by my doctor after the first time I started cutting myself. Yeah if you want to see a psychiatrist or a counsellor ask your doctor if they can refer you to one, maybe you just had a bad experience with the psychiatrist you saw and maybe a different one would be better for you. No problem, thanks Woah, that's so much to go through so young... sending you a big hug xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Thank you looks like im gunna be booking an appointment to see the doctor then ill ask to see a councellor and thanks for the hugs i rarely get a hug now a days :(hugs back at ya xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 these r horrible things to have happen to anyone less a imho a teen. i can hear ur pain n want for people to know what u've been tru n ask for support, n i hope it helped! it's a horrific thing to occur n my heart goes to u totally....i'm glad ur gonna seek help with another . but it does niggle my head a bit ur trying to promote urself on here? i feel u need support n love n you may b desperate to make a go for u n ur daniel n i respect that but it just makes me have question marks? i hope u can stay well n know ppl care about u but i gotta b honest, (n likely unpopular) it just threw things in a spot n well , i hope ur ok i hope ur on a path to be well but truely ...i kinda feel i can totally feel for u n see the horrors u've incured but to turn around n advertise ....just makes me a bit uneasy! as always u n everyone prpbly will hate me for it but i always speak my mind n my opinion! again i don't discount the horrors u've described n i myself have given birth n can't immagine other than the eptopic i had previously but i'm just kinda thrown that after all that n the horrible grief ur trying to advertise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 (((SoppyCow96))), I just want to say that I think you are an amazing young lady.xxx I'm really sad to hear about Amelia, and all the horrid years with HIM, but through all this, you show amazing strength and courage and though the subject matter of your blog is harrowing, you write beautifully, so connected in your pain, but also in yourself...............I wanted the blog to go on and on, WHY................not because I would wish you any more pain, grief or anguish, but because I was totally engaged all the way and could feel there was no b**********t or making it up, Have you thought about a career in journalism or anything like that? Hugs for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeckle88 Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 ((((SC)))) So sorry for all the horrible things youve had to endure, i really hope you seek out the help that you deserve and need. Being 17, i think its great your trying to get a grip on things earlier than most. Learn how your mind works and the reasons it works certain ways, and most of all seek professional help. PS - I dont think your "Promoting" yourself. I think its good to get it all out, or maybe youd like us to have a better idea of you. Its ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 i do want to make clear when i say " advertise" it was no way about ur life n hardships but the promotion of youtube links. i'm terribly sorry this has been ur life but as i said it makes me uneasy to hear ur story n want to support n care n offer help then be offered a youtube link? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 i dont really know what to say im a bit sad now jadesbecause of your comments but i dont understand why. Everything i do seems like i always fuck it up :,( the youtube advertisements on the bottom was my bf idea coz i wrote the blogs a couple of months ago to make me feel better just so all the anger and hurt ive got inside me i could release it onto the pages and so other people could see what ive been through and get to know me more... i wouldnt of normally put the youtube thing down but my bf said it would be a good idea and his usually pretty wise about things so i just listened so im sorry. But thank you jades jeckle and pickle for being kind and honest to me i do appreciate it haha look im crying now the name soppycow does suit me after all hope everyone is okay xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 oh yeah and pickle im glad you got so connected with my story and as for your question i did want to be a journalist once or a writer when i was younger i used to own a type writer and mark "him" destroyed it and ripped all my stories up coz he was angry i did get an A in english which i was proud of but my teacher said my punctuality isnt very good so i kinda gave up xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 (((SC))) Please don't be sad.xxxx I'm sure Jades wouldn't want you to be sad either, and your explanation as to the links is perfectly fine, and from where I am sitting all your links are as you say just expressing what you have been through, and I certainly don't see them as advertising, you are just sharing with us who you are and what you have been through.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 (((SC))) Definitely have a re-think.xx You have a lot of talent if you don't mind me saying.xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 thank you for understanding pickle ill try and cheer up now i dont think less of jades i know she was just being honest xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 thank you for saying i have talent xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 You do.xxx Oh, and just as an addendum , I can see where Jades is coming from, cos in just seeing the youtube links on their own and if peeps don't go any further and just see the links it could be perceived depending on perspective as some sort of advertising, but in truth it isn't, so looks can be deceiving. If the links didn't have youtube in the title I'm sure it wouldn't have been seen that way. I understand that all you were doing was sharing with us what you had written about before. I couldn't read those links anyway cos I don't have an account, but then you posted them in message format so that we could read and thank you for that, cos if you hadn't I would have missed out, so again, please take it in the spirit it was meant and I certainly think that all is clear what you you were doing (((twas just a bit misleading with the youtube bit, thats all))).xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 i know thank you i understand where she was coming from as well id probably think the same thing if it was someone else who did it, i thought id show each page coz i knew some people wouldnt be able to view it so i wanted it to be fair so everyone can read if they wanted to thanks for your kindness hope you are okay today xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitsune Posted February 26, 2013 Report Share Posted February 26, 2013 *hugs* I can't say much that won't either be a repeat of what others have said but it's good that you're in a better place now and away from Him, hope that you get the support you need. Finding a good psych is trial and error- some are shite and others are good, you'll find the one you can work with eventually! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2013 thanks kitsune xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted February 26, 2013 Report Share Posted February 26, 2013 Hey SC, That was real sad to read, sorry you have been through all of that.... karma will get "him" probably when he's old and incapacitated and can't wipe his own arse, he just might need someone... he may start wishing he had been a bit kinder to people when he realises he has no-one. As for the psychiatrist, they kinda bound by a load of bullshit framework and guidelines... it seems there immediate concern is always trying to prevent a person from harming themselves or someone else... most likely mainly because it doesn't look good on the NHS if a person under a psychiatrist ends up dying, causing serious harm to themselves or someone else. Another thing is, they are not willing to help with other sensitive issues until the SH has stopped and the person can be considered relatively stable... this because you could have a session on these other things then go home feeling real shit because things are flooding back and end up seriously hurting yourself, in which case the responsibility would fall on to them, they would be questioned "Why were you discussing such sensitive issues with someone who evidently uses damaging ways to cope?"... i know it sounds harsh, but it kinda makes sense to me, although is often a catch 22 situation- haven't been able to work through past events, so they plague you... then CUT... then coz you CUT, you cant get help to work through stuff. Basically if they don't think you can handle the shit it will throw up inside you without harming yourself, they wont risk it. ...and don't wanna sound like one of "them".. but even if your real clean and careful with SH, things can still go badly wrong. You are very articulate, I think it would feel great and empowering for you to succeed in something he tried to destroy and take from you, he cannot rule you anymore hun... turn his cruel actions and words on there head... you didnt think i could/would do this, but If I want to, I can/will... dont let him put your life on hold any more than he already has, he doesn't deserve your spit, let alone any more of your time... try be nice to yourself u don't deserve any more pain or suffering. The counselling route sounds like a good road to try, let us know how you get on. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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