Bdd (Body Dysmorphic Disorder)

[Saucepangirl]

I would love to know the obsessional thoughts and stories in general of others whoy suffer from BDD (not to be nosey). In particular whether people have a constant FEELINg of general self disgust an subsequent social avoidance. I have not found anything in these forums specifically for it. I also have bpd /depression/social anxiety but I find the body stuff the most crippling. I began hating specific parts of my body when I was ten and at various times since then certain parts have been more of an obsession. EG in year 12 I thought my shoulders were hugely disproportionate to te rest of my body and used to check mirrors excessively- the focus next moved to my weight, I developed an ED and then it became my skin- now the mirror checking has eased but i just avoid most things socially instead of checking mirrors and applying makeup/starving. I am not so fixated on one body part now but see myself as generally disgusting/old/ugly/fat as a whole. Does anyone else have a more general hatred rather than something specific? Also my usual disclaimer now for those who no nothing about bdd I hope you don't think I'm vain, my life is pretty screwed with this stuff. It's worse than te borderline diagnosis and that's saying something. My boyfriend is at his wits end. He reckons I'm very beautiful- and I know he means it., but he often for that reason think in just fishing for compliments. He doesn't understand why I can trust him to see my body but no one else. He is amazing but I'm very scared of losing him- underneath with all my problems I feel I don't deserve him. He really is a sweetheart. I think this has helped with the body stuff a lot .( you would think having a bf would make things worse but it can actually ease things a lot even if you think they can't see properly) haha. Anyway, would love to connect with others and hear their stories, it always helps and maybe I can help you guys too x ps sorry about rambling post

[SoppyCow96]

hi there saucepangirl i dont have BDD well i dont know that for a fact but ive made an appointment to find out whats wrong with me by doing a mental health assessment so hopefully ill get some answers i can only relate to how you think of yourself. I generally think im a horrible person. I think im fat ugly and have goofy teeth i pretty much hate everything about me so i know where your coming from there.. im glad to hear you have such a lovely supportive boyfriend im very happy for you im very self conscious about my body so theres only two people who have seen me naked and thats my bf and my mum lol other people i went out with i wanted to but would get nervous and scared and decided not to which it why they all left me but with my current bf it was different i just felt comfortable enough and it felt right However i dont let him see me fully naked for too long as i reckon he will realise how fat i am and leave me for someone better..hope you are okay xx

[jayjay4466]

Hi saucepangirl (great nick btw!)

That must be very difficult for you.

I don't have any personal experience of the disorder myself, but I remember seeing a really good BBC documentary about it a few years back, and I've found it on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUKlLpMg-eM

I hope you are able to gain some understanding and acceptance at some point.

Take care!