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A Question


Sauron_Wulf

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I have been battling with the diagnosis of PD for years and I hate the label but my question is this... What does PD mean to you?

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To me personality disorder simply means that something went wrong in my childhood so my learning of social and behavioral abilities has been broken. It's the sequels of my surviving which explains why I struggle with life, nothing more and nothing judgmental. I've a sort of handicap in life and I do my best to overcome it, even if it's not easy.

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I agree with threemoons and for me it also means that I have patterns of feeling, thoughts and behaviours to compensate for this early trauma which I repeat over and over again and they are unhelpful to me. that are ingrained in my personality but they can change with lots of hard work.

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To me it is just me, I don't function as the considered NORM and I hate the label. I am who I am and yes I would like to change some areas but I think it is just me.

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I don't have a formal diagnoses but I have been getting treated anyway! To me it explains a lot of the things I feel and the things that I do as a normal response considering my background. I have spent so long feeling guilty over aspects of my personality such as my attachment issues, my rapid reactive mood changes, my fearfulness.....yet now I can see that this is completely proportionate to my inconsistent upbringing. I still have the guilt to a degree but much less than I did before.

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Its a label that I really hate, whenever I have to deal with it ie with the benefits agency or Drs, you get the 'Oh you have BDP'...I had an ESA interview recently and the guy said, 'well depression isn't that serious, nothing like having BDP, now thats a serious mental illness'! So I find it can be very stigmatising and I don't like ppl knowing about it because they react as though you are a complete nut case or something, when really at the end of the day, you are just you...

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I always laugh cuz people-family, some friends,doctors, social workers,etc always look at me funny if I say something intelligent post-learning about my bpd...seems like some people tend to mistake mental health issues with a lower level intellect or something...which is ironically pretty dumb lol

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