walker Posted April 4, 2013 Report Share Posted April 4, 2013 TRUST You say 'trust us' or it is unsaid but expected you expect so much from us all of you ALL of you you make promises say you will call will meet will talk will read SILENCE it doesnt happen there is a space in our head where that meeting should have been where that phone should have rung that space hangs for as long as it can by the threads of trust that we have tentatively strung around it space falls fills as it falls fills and fills until it is no longer space spacegonetrustgone something now in that place a huge and confused something full of doubt, fear, anger, disappointment, resignation, impotence, blame, hurt a large, solid, something bulging with distress through the threads, no, mesh, of the voices that hold it those damned voices clawing their tongues into us weaving their dictatorship in out in out of our pain voices from the past from the present voices known and unknown we must understand we must realise we must must see how the real world functions 'how people are busy you know people may forget you know people may may may' AH !! OF COURSE silly silly little space why didnt you realise how small and insignificant you are in the lives of others NOW 'adapt yourself to the real world that real world is far too busy to adapt to you' AND TRUST trust should be the ground we stand upon the wall we lean on the view we see our trust is dust Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted April 4, 2013 Report Share Posted April 4, 2013 very powerful xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted April 4, 2013 Report Share Posted April 4, 2013 yes I found this very moving, walker. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayjay4466 Posted April 4, 2013 Report Share Posted April 4, 2013 I found that very powerful, and also very enlightening. I feel that you have expressed so evocatively how sometimes our thoughts can turn these instances into something so huge inside our heads that it pushes out all else. Thank you for posting this Walker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2013 thankyou for reading and appreciating it is written because of all the times mh staff fail us (NOT the team at unit, who are mostly brilliant even though they say they are failing us atm - but then they are prepared to look at themselves as learning too) just others mh and dom. violence support people who 'promise' to call promise to sort things promise to offer things then nothing happens or they fk it up or get it all wrong or lie then WE are expected to understand to accomodate to excuse us US the ones who are ill (apparently) or abused or both WE have to accept and adapt to everyones failings but they dont have to adapt to us oh no no because we are being 'ill - paranoid - too sensitive - unrealistic - too demanding - neurotic - too black and white - taking things too literally - MAKING A FUSS ........' it was the same while we were in hospital SO WHEN DO YOU EVER HAVE TO LEARN AND ADAPT YOUR BEHAVIOUR TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR US FOR THOSE OF US ILL WITH BPD - OR WHATEVER FOR THOSE OF US WHOSE HEADS ARE FKD UP AND SCARED AND CRYING OUT FOR PEOPLE TO TRUST would they tell a blind man he should look where he's going - or would they help guide him WHY WHY WHY ARE WE ALWAYS IN THE WRONG FOR FK SAKE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 oh poo does no one else feel like this? forget the stupid poem at the start we should have posted somewhere else we want to know if others feel like this thats all really or are we totally getting it wrong and it SHOULD be us that meets where everyone else is apparently already at Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted April 7, 2013 Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 (((Walker))) I get this and how you are feeling. Totally. There is nothing worse in my book than people promising things or saying they will do things, whatever it might be and then not doing it, especially without explanation. An example of this I'd like to share with you, because I put myself in those little boys shoes..............and he could have been me and I know how I would have felt if I hadn't done what I said I would do and had promised him................. I was staying with some friends overnight.............they have two young boys...........4 and 2.............The four year old I totally identify with...............he is highly intelligent but emotionally very very fragile...............he gets confused easily by mixed messaging........people saying things.............and then not doing them............yes parents in this case...............they are not bad parents..........they are good parents...........but they are tired and exhausted and say things just to fob off or do another time...........the little boy remembers what they say...............they fob off again or forget..........because they are tired and exhausted...........not because they are bad............but because they are tired.............BUT they don't realise the impact of their actions and words on that particular little boy..............he is getting more and more upset because people aren't doing what they say they will do.................I can see this and totally understand it................SO...........little boy is quite upset..........He played Art Glow on my phone..........he loved it.........but it was near bedtime........and parents wanted him to go to bed...........I promised him that I would do the Art Glow thing with him the following morning..............he went to bed..............I went to bed.............The first thing he asked in the morning was could we do the Art glow............and of course I knew the importance to that little boy for me to honour my word.............and of course I said yes...........You seee....................I wasn't just fobbing him off to try and get him to go to bed by saying we would do it the following morning..............I meant it..............and I knew how much this meant to him too...........The parents said to me, not out of malice or being bad..............Oh you don't have to do that.............and I said..........YES I do...................It is important and necessary.................I do understand Walker.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 thank you pickle thank you we dont promise things we try very very hard not to promise things because we dont trust ourselves we dont trust we will feel like doing them when the time comes we are told off for taking things too literally but why are we bad for that? why are we bad for being what is inside us what is just bloody well inside us we have spent our whole life trying to be what they all demand we were born wrong we didnt mean to be we just were and all those fking people smile and say - oh you must understand, we were busy, something more important, more urgent came up ........ and all that says to us is YOU DONT MATTER WALKER and since our whole life it has been drummed into us that its our parents job do deal with us and no one elses and that we DONT REALLY MATTER TO ANYONE ELSE so all these instances, all these lost spaces, all these broken trusts they just constantly reafirm that we are bad, too demanding, wrong, making a fuss and DONT MATTER and IT BLOODY WELL HURTS (but of course it shouldnt should it so thats wrong too) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverwolf Posted April 7, 2013 Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 Your writing was very moving Walker and as for what you asked in your further post does anyone else feel like that - yeah I do to. I think i even did a vent about it in the past too! For me it's like, 'don't say it if you don't mean it', what's the point of saying it otherwise! My cpn use to say it was the 'polite thing to do, like social glue, and that the world would be a very empty place without it'. Dunno, I think the world might be a more sincere place without it. There are times there's the exception though: I've now learned that if someone asks 'does my bum look big in this?' that they are not really asking cos of wanting to know the truth, they are asking cos they want reassurance and need confidence, so it is more helpful in that situation to say 'no'. I guess it's the trying to understand the reason behind the statement/question from others, and that's where I quite often fall down because it's trying to imagine the others state of mind and motives. But *hugs* walker, totally get what yer on about mate and it's not much fun. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollo 13 Posted April 8, 2013 Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 TRUST You say 'trust us' or it is unsaid but expected you expect so much from us all of you ALL of you you make promises say you will call will meet will talk will read SILENCE it doesnt happen there is a space in our head where that meeting should have been where that phone should have rung that space hangs for as long as it can by the threads of trust that we have tentatively strung around it space falls fills as it falls fills and fills until it is no longer space spacegonetrustgone something now in that place a huge and confused something full of doubt, fear, anger, disappointment, resignation, impotence, blame, hurt a large, solid, something bulging with distress through the threads, no, mesh, of the voices that hold it those damned voices clawing their tongues into us weaving their dictatorship in out in out of our pain voices from the past from the present voices known and unknown we must understand we must realise we must must see how the real world functions 'how people are busy you know people may forget you know people may may may' AH !! OF COURSE silly silly little space why didnt you realise how small and insignificant you are in the lives of others NOW 'adapt yourself to the real world that real world is far too busy to adapt to you' AND TRUST trust should be the ground we stand upon the wall we lean on the view we see our trust is dust Just had to quote the whole.....because the half of the Mona Lisa wouldn't have had the same number of Plaudits as it received.........and sadly neither will this....although it it every bit a masterpiece!! this writing, nay craft, is just off the chart.....this is pure poetry with subcontext........a beautiful creation with analogy thrown in for fun............ a vision and analysis of all that is wrong with modern society.........all neatly wrapped up in a clinically deniable package.....................this should go straight to Hollywood as only they are capable of telling more lies than any British Government. Walker.....I never believed in the existence of Goddesses....until now!! So what do we call you???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 goddesses !!!!!!!!!! oh apollo what do we say but smile we could not begin to write so well as you so we need to say its rubbish not good not anything close to what you hold it up to be its ok we know our reality is failed flawed and deluded but people have told us that if we say their flatery is inaccurate and wrong then we are saying they are wrong, and lying we are not trying to say that - not at all we NEED people to affirm what we write even if others inside us laugh and condemn our words we would love to be a great poet well - parts would but that is yet another thing that will never come about sometimes we write and feel triumphant of our masterpiece as it encompasses our pain so clearly yet later we will return and read and not know where it came from or why cant think what you would want to call us as we are different each of us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted April 8, 2013 Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 THATS REALLY WELL WRITTEN WALKER... YOU SHOULD CONSIDDR POETRY REALLY... I THINK YOU'D BE REALL GOOD AT IT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 oh maddy thats so sweet of you thankyou so much xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted April 8, 2013 Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 (((Walker))) I want to say too, that your poem here, with its message is a work of Art and really powerful.xxx Forgot to say earlier.xxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollo 13 Posted April 10, 2013 Report Share Posted April 10, 2013 we would love to be a great poet well - parts would but that is yet another thing that will never come about And yet, dear heart, YOU ARE ALREADY THAT, and that is the least of you, for you are SO much more....shall it be Goddesses then?!! If you knew me well Walker, you would know, flattery is not a tool I would use.....not entirely black and white, but Honesty makes me few friends and plenty more enemies........such is life, for Humans amongst all the Primates, are the most conniving of all............and not in my Top Ten of the Planet's most lovable creatures. Keep believing in YOU......for they are not YOU, can never be YOU, can never aspire to be YOU......and should only be afraid of YOU..........and the more YOU's there are the more there is to be afraid of!! :) YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT AND SPECIAL..................keep that in mind...................you are the Wayne Rooney of the Poetry World.............keep writing those classics and they may well pay you £120K a week!!! Tx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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