What Is My Condition?

[elbow]

hi there. I am writing as I seriously need some sort of help in dealing with and understanding my mental health problem.

I have suffered for 2 years and seen a psychologist and been taking medication. I have been told I have anxiety and depression, however i am not convinced of this at all.

I have not been in many relationships in my life and 6 years ago became involved in what would prove to be my longest. We bought an house and got engaged at the same time, 3 and a half years into our relationship, however I started to feel strange both in mind and body and my whole experience began by feeling like I had cheated on my fiance.

Over time that feeling has gone, however after a year and a half of trying to get over this horrible condition, and at a time my mother was ill with leukaemia my partner decided she didnt love me any more and broke it off.

I am now living back at parents house, however I am still suffering. basically I can not get my past relationships out of my head, Everything I do I think about whether i did it with them, they are in my mind all the time, its as if the things I did with my exes, even though they were perfectly normal and before my last relationship, are massivley important in my mind and in the things i do.

I feel like I cant get up in the morning because I may have slept over night with them at some point, basically it effects ever little thing that I do.

This is confusing and uncomfortable enough as I now feel like I will never feel like I can get another partner, but on top of this it lasts about 5/6 days and then it is usually followed by anything from 10 - 18 good days where i feel like nothing has happened and feel myself again.

It is worth mentioning too that on bad days I go over and over and over things ive done that day and at what times etc.

Please help me as the feeling is so awful I cry and become really emotional, angry and stand-offish with everyone?

Can you help in anyway? any help would be massively appreciated.

[Threemoons]

Hi Elbow and welcome on the forums. This is a great place to be supported and support others with similar conditions. You say you're not convinced you have depression and anxiety. Could you explain us why you're doubting this?

Also I'm sorry you have trouble keeping long term relationships, mine are short as well due to anxiety / fear of the intimate.

Hugs and love to you, dear.

[elbow]

all i mean is most of the time I am myself and happy, and not down or feel depressed, I think I do have depression in a slight capacity but I think there is more to my illness. my problem isnt keeping long term relationships, my problem is whatever happened to me in my head during it. I do not worry about not keeping a relationship but rather what is happening to me and why it is still happening to me now that i am single.