delusionaldolly Posted September 5, 2013 Report Share Posted September 5, 2013 Got smashed, got groped and propositioned by a guy I'd just met in front of his girlfriend, proceeded to beat the crap out of him as it brought up the rape 6 months ago, went to the man friends house and woke him and his son up at 4am, made a huge scene...... 2 friends pissed off with me. So hungover I didnt do any work today. Utterly ashamed of myself for putting myself in a dangerous situation AGAIN. Details of the night are sketchy, and cant remember what I said to people - scared shitless people will think I'm lying again after working so hard to get beyond that. Friends staged an intervention, told me I had to stop drinking as I'm endangering myself and pushing my friends away. Need to stop drinking altogether. Cant just have a few, have no tipsy phase, i go from fine to hammered. Really messed up today, really upset and ashamed. I'm not a dickhead and I'm not violent, but last night I was both. Feel like absolute crap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted September 5, 2013 Report Share Posted September 5, 2013 (((delusionaldolly))).......I'm sorry for you that this has happened, but it sounds like maybe it is a real wake up call..............I'm a relatively decent person without a drink ((well mostly)), but with it, tons of it, I would more often than not, mess up badly with my behaviour.............I couldn't regulate it at all in the last few years..........it sounds like you know this already...........try not to beat yourself up too badly, but I can understand how you will be feeling so upset and ashamed.............as you say, you are not a dickhead, or violent, but for some of us, drink turns us into another person............the old Jekyll and Hyde..............sending you understandings and the message, that I believe and know, (not everyone agrees with me, but that's ok), that once we've lost the power over drink..........it will destroy us and those around us, unless we stop............but it ain't easy..............Hugs for you (((delusionaldolly))).xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted September 5, 2013 Report Share Posted September 5, 2013 It is easier when you say to your core that you don't drink....no excuses...bad days/good days... don't drink it's over. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delusionaldolly Posted September 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2013 thanks for your responses guys. yeah pickle, this really is a wake up call as i thought i was stronger than this, that i had a handle on things, but i was just fooling myself. spoken to both friends, think they'll forgive me as long as i show them im dealing with it, and my hand is really swollen from hitting that guy. i cant believe i did that, its so not something i would ever do. very jekyll & hyde, completely out of character. my mental wellbeing is way more important to me than having a drink. my happiness counts for more than a glass of wine. it turns me into someone i cant stand, so stopping is the logical next step. i have to learn to look after myself, to be a grown up. thanks for your advice guys, really appreciate it xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted September 6, 2013 Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 Hi Dolly. I'm sorry that bad things happened to you because of the drink. Getting conscious that you have to stop is the first step so you're now engaged on the right track. How much is your habit to drink? Try to not go for one glass, as we know for you one is already too much. You can do it, I'm sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted September 6, 2013 Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 Not sure what help u have for your problems? if u see them they could point u in the right direction of getting help if u feel u have a problem with alcohol. We all can do alot of stupid things while drunk, me ive done many of time. All u need to do is pick urself up and try and look for alcohol services in your area, im sure they can help. Be good to yourself xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delusionaldolly Posted September 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 thanks 3moons & barbones. I'm not an alcoholic, but I'm a binge drinker. My doctor&therapist and I talk about this a lot. I can have one or two drinks, and then my brain switches into binge mode. Alcohol has been the root cause of so much shit for me over the last few years, but the last 12 months in particular. The thing that makes me sad the most is that I was SA when drunk 6 months ago. Any sensible human being would have stopped then. But I told myself I needed to let loose sometimes because of what happened to me. Stupid me. I feel like a stupid teenager, not the adult woman that I feel I should be. Not had a drink today. Not called the friends I normally would to go out. Bought juice and healthy foods and cleaned my house. Trying to learn how to be a grown up! Dolly xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted September 6, 2013 Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 You're already a grown up, dear, I see alcohol problems as adult though I know teens can get into it too. I'm very sad you got through this bad because of the drink. But I'm pleased to read about your first steps toward recovery. Keep going, my lovely! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delusionaldolly Posted September 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 Thank you for your encouragement darling xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delusionaldolly Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 I've now managed 5 days...including dinner out with friends who were having a drink....drank coca cola....feeling pretty ok so far! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Nice one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted September 10, 2013 Report Share Posted September 10, 2013 Great news Dolly! Keep going, you're a winner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimindigo Posted September 10, 2013 Report Share Posted September 10, 2013 If its any help,I've been sober over 30yrs.,went to AA.The thing that did it for me was . . . .surrender. "Can't hack it anymore,I give in,too painful,I surrender." Quote:"In order to love one's self,one must behave in ways one can admire." You could live your whole life with that one quote. And its bloody marvellous to respect yourself! Courage To You, jimindigo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delusionaldolly Posted September 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2013 :"In order to love one's self,one must behave in ways one can admire." That's going on my wall of quotes, thank you friend xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted September 11, 2013 Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 jim said it above, but also u saying ur a binge drinker, u wouldnt be posting. In my 20s i thought i was binge drinker but actually i was alcohlic. wasnt until my 30s i did know that either way i abused drink and has no control what jim said as i know is a thought, and i guess is down to u U not drinking so far is a huge progress and i hope that whatever u feel can help. i was told even a person who drinks one glass of wine can be alcoholic, i understand that now, due to if u shift ur life for drinking even its that need for one drink, ur still have a problem. If we had no problem, we wouldnt even question ourselves and binge or not its to much. sry sound like im a right prick, but dont mean how hard i came across. good luck in how u get better xx . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delusionaldolly Posted September 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2013 10 days, including 2 weekends and a visit to my alcoholic mother's house. So far so good guys, just keep thinking that I'm doing this to prove to myself that I have some control over my own life, and if I start again, then I'm the only person who's letting me down. So far it's working..... :/ Dolly xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted September 16, 2013 Report Share Posted September 16, 2013 You're doing great Dolly, keep going! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delusionaldolly Posted September 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 3 weeks, and feeling empowered xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnbooth1963 Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 Dolly, please please go to AA. They will help you. Ive been there a while and they are such caring people. I thought I wasn't an alcoholic when I first went, but I quickly realised , that is just what I am. I am powerless over alcohol. I am one drink away from being a drunk. All I can advise is, Don't pick up that first drink. Then you can't get drunk. Good fortune Dolly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delusionaldolly Posted September 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2013 Hi John, Thanks for your advice. There is no AA locally to me (I live in the sticks) and to be honest, I know I'm not an alcoholic, I just have a problem with binge drinking. But I have signed up with a local drink & drugs agency, and I have an appointment with them in 2 weeks. I've just had a great Friday night with friends, and relished being the sober one, taking pics of my friends being drunk They have been incredibly supportive, they didnt want to drink around me but so far I'm absolutely fine with it, and wasnt tempted once. I don't want to be the arsehole I once was, and am feeling very strong about this, but signed up with the agency as I know at some point I'm going to need extra support...all it takes is one bad day, and one bad decision, right? My friends told me how proud they were of me today, and that it was commendable that I'm doing something so positive for myself. That's worth more than a year's worth of drinking in my book. Dolly xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted September 30, 2013 Report Share Posted September 30, 2013 (((Dolly)))............You are doing brilliantly.................please remember though................if binge drinking used to be your Achilles heel..................it is always the first drink that does the damage................so if you can stay away from that first one..................then you definitely wont get drunk.xxx.................Onwards and upwards.xxx Good on you.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delusionaldolly Posted September 30, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2013 Thanks Pickle, yep staying well clear, although I now seem to have become a chain smoker :/ ah well, it's my only vice at the moment! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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