He's There.

[johnbooth1963]

He's there.

He's there, hiding in a fold in my mind

He cries, he hides, so hurt, vulnerable, cold, alone

Sometimes he reaches out, as he did all those years ago

But still, no-one comes. His pillow is always wet with tears,

chill against his little cheek as he sobs quietly in the dark.

He never made a fuss, he never ran away

when the voice said " come here, I'll give you something to cry for"

He just obeyed. The hand would strike, heavy and dull and powerful

The room would spin again, and he would cry, lying there on the carpet

in a pool of his pain, his confusion, his pent up, impotent rage

There, done, finished. He won't hit me again today.

He smiles his gratitude through his coppery tasting tears.

I long to hold him, that little boy. Calling to me from years past.

I long to tell him it will be ok. He will survive. He will be strong, tall

No need to fear at all, never again would the fist descend.

But it does, though the father no longer hits.

That little boy with the cold pillow is me. All these years later, I still feel the blows

The hot hot humiliation, the fear, the empty empty place, where hope should live.

One day I will take his hand, dry his tears, help him stand.

One day, when God calls my name, I shall guide that tiny child into peace,

And he will hide, no more.

[pepsimeg]

((((john)))))

rubbish at words right now

*hugs* xx

[PDBPD]

Mate it makes me more angry than anything remembering I was grateful when the beating ended....that I would try and make him feel better about hurting me...big man hitting a little kid

Steve

[brisbane]

john - i've got chills or goosebumps or something running through me now - i can't describe how i'm reacting - a mix of feeling sick - and shocked - and "how can that happen". I'm so sorry that you had to go through that... by one who was meant to care.

I'm a bit mad at the ending too, i don't like it john, it says

One day, when God calls my name, I shall guide that tiny child into peace,

And he will hide, no more.

Please john, can't you try to find a way to comfort him now? slowly gently, very slowly very gently. open your heart to this poor boy who was beaten and hurt, who couldn't understand why things were how they were... he is beautiful john, under all that pain, really he is. He is exactly as a child was meant to be john. It was them that was wrong.

He can come over to play with the little girl in me anytime xxx we can dress up the cats up or go play by the river, or make one hell of a mess in the kitchen... whatever he wants. She’ll even try to do cowboys and Indians if need be (the feathers will keep her entertained).

Load of hugs matey, you’re doing so well xxx

[ArtMatters]

*hugs*

[johnbooth1963]

Thank you all for your replies , I didn't know whether to post this or not. it just had to be written, like a safety valve blowing.

[Pickle59]

((((((john)))))))............Hearing and feeling and empathising.................These scars are a painful burden to bare..........You and that child within need a lot of love and healing right now...............

[Elke]

(((john)))