Therapy Experiment

[gandalftheginge]

Hello!

So, I've been attending a CBT group therapy course for the past couple of months and we've gotten to the point where we are encouraged to create experiments to prove our beliefs wrong or see how we react. What I've chosen to do is quite big, maybe too big, so I really wanted to ask the community here what they thought and if anyone could offer any advice. I'd really appreciate any thoughts on the matter

I've been fearful that my friends and family don't really understand my mental health problems, or possibly even don't believe I have any, that I just seek attention or I'm pathetic. So, I thought that maybe I could contact some of my close friends via email or facebook, and ask if they had any questions about mental health and to see if they understand or not. Maybe something like that would put my mind at ease?

Sorry, that probably didn't sound too coherent, I'm not really all here at the moment, but I hoe everyone gets the gist?

Thank you,

Ash

[OrangeLamp]

Hey

You've got to be careful here, for your sake. I think people should talk about stuff if it comes up and you trust them, definitely. But that question puts people on the spot and you risk making things very awkward.

It may be better to just say, next time I do something crazy I'm going to stop and explain it to a friend. Or, next time I have a bad day and a friend asks how I am...I'll be honest and say. You've also got to give people a 'way out' because a lot of people aren't equipped emotionally to know how to help even if they want to, so giving them a nudge like...oh yeah this would definitely help, I need some distracting because of 'x' you fancy doing something? Even if you think it may not help, give it a shot. People really appreciate that.

I would also say that a friend is a great one to hash out some shit with sometimes over a beer, but they aren't trained therapists. It really helps to segragate your conditions needs with your personal needs and treat them as two separate entities as much as you can. ie. if I'm feeling shit etc that's all my friends will hear(unless they want to talk more) and then we can go and enjoy eachothers company. They won't know my meds, exact random shit that's going on etc because emotional dependance, while ok some of the time can actually be harmful to a friendship.

Now I'm not saying you shouldn't be honest, in fact that helps. But I tend to just say it as a matter of fact thing when it does come up, then no more is said unless I need help sometime or something like that. People do understand even the strangest things. I mean we do have problems, I feel shit for no reason in cycles. No reason at all. It's hard for people to deal with. People tend towards tangible things that they can fix, and feel helpless if they can't. I manage my condition as best I can, and if I need to use that card then I will, but only if I can't help it.

Anyway, bit of a ramble. Nice one for going to all your CBT and I hope your experiment works!

[ArtMatters]

On a similar note... I wanted to say that I don't think it's a good idea...........and not because it's not a good idea in theory...but because in reality/practically I can see this going way wrong, and actually becoming a big trigger for you. What you could do though if you wanted to engage your friends, and make it a bit more fun, is you could ask your friends to help you prove that everyone has some sort of mental health issue.....get them to send you examples of 'crazy' things they've done or something like that.......that way it's fun for them, gets them thinking about mental health a bit & how we're not so different, and it can help you with feeling embarassed or ashamed or whatever it is exactly you are feeling about your mental health issues or past actions etc.....That's just one random idea and I'm sure we could think of many others that would be kind of similar to the topic you were talking about but might go down a bit better because I think the way your talking about doing it will end up triggering you to be honest.

I can relate to that feeling though, that kind of regretful feeling for any past actions or outbursts etc we might judge ourselves for or definitely the feeling of being misunderstood..... I too hate the idea of people thinking of me as pathetic or weak/an attention seeker or whatever other crappy labels people can throw around.....but in the end real friends understand, real friends let go of judgement, real friends stick by you....and we really have to learn to stop caring what people think....that's like one of the hardest I think...well for me...letting go of self judgmenets and interpretations/ and letting go of what others think...those have been my two greatest challenges, the ones I make the least progress with

---even though sometimes my logical brain can remind me that even if I was sunshine and rainbows 24/7 someone would resent that too, they'd think I was too positive and it was annoying or something-- u know what I mean.

[lalissa]

Hey Ash,

obvs i don't know you and i havent' been on this forum for long but i hope you don't mind me offering some views..

personally i think it is great to be thinking about ways to open up with family and friends, whoever is important to you. and i also think it's important that you do it your way, dunno why but i'm guessing you are a creative guy and can find your own way (with support) of approaching this, if facebook etc is something you like to use then its good to think about using that to get in touch with people, (private messaging i'm thinking, not exposing yourself to the potential aftermath of vulnerability by putting up any kind of public status!! but you know that)

but yeah, the wise commenters above are also i think encouraging you just to think carefully how you go about it, think about if you do or don't get understanding or sympathetic reactions, which can happen even from good peeps cos a lot of people repress their deeper emotional issues and get scared of mental health stuff and you might need to work on them slowly...!

i've been slowly letting a few people know that ive been 'struggling' a bit and have been off work for a while.. i haven't yet broached the issue of a bpd diagnosis as i haven't come to terms with it myself yet but i am running around my mind how difficult this would be and how i would approach it ..

but i do feel better and less pressure more understanding from people even with what i have said so i do think i's a good idea,

whats right for one isnt necessarily the same for another tho i realise that.

i'm thinking of writing a sort of leaflet at some point to think about what i want to say, and what i want people to know, so that they don't just go read stuff on the internet about bpd and freak out with all the crap that is written out there..

sorry bit of a long ramble guess it just touches on some of my own thoughts just now

keep us posted on your thoughts about it,

x

[Lily-Bee]

Another idea, when something comes up to ask; do you think that's silly of me?

In the moment but not randomly does that make sense? You will though have to believe them if they say no, not then in your head start going; oh they don't meant it etc

[gandalftheginge]

Thank you so much everyone. My mind is really not in the right place at the moment, so I'll read all of your posts again later when I can absorb them and reply properly. Thank you all very much.

Ash

[lonelyheartemma]

(((((Ash)))))) I just read about this and I was wondering what you decided.

I think it's a very brave idea and not a bad one but its success depends almost completely on other people. As lots of people have said you might catch them on a bad day or you might 'experiment on' a really lovely person who has a mental block with mental health problems. No matter how well you present yourself (and I think you always present well) you could end up getting a result that feels like a failure even though you'll probably do everything perfectly.

It's very interesting to hear about your CBT. I'm going to have one to one CBT but I imagine we'll do similar exercises.