Trainee Therapist Problem

[lonelyheartemma]

I saw a therapist today and she was great- I'm going to have 2 sessions with her and then work with a trainee. I'm ok with the fact he's a trainee, he has a good mentor and I don't think he'd have been assigned to me if he wasn't ready.

But there is something I noticed (well I thought I did) and I do feel a bit arrogant for thinking things like this but it seemed like he was attracted to me. He was shy and stammery when I spoke to him and every time I glanced at him (almost everything I said was in reply to the therapist but I wanted to include him in what I was saying, it felt a bit rude just talking to her) he gave me a really big happy smile which isn't something I've seen on a mental health professional before. Then when I made jokes he laughed extra loudly which can happen when you're working extra hard to show someone you like that you find them amusing.

It seems crazy now I've written it down and it seems so arrogant but that is the impression I got.

So I'd really like to seem friendly and willing to work with him, I'd ideally like to have a laugh with him because I like laughing but I don't want to lead him on or anything. There have been lots of guys I've liked as friends but I must be flirting without meaning to or something because they start thinking I like them as more than a friend and it's just awkward.

I know it's against the rules for him to act on any feelings he might have but it does bother me a bit. I'm very flattered and I just think like awwwww but I am a bit shocked and worried too.

[OrangeLamp]

He's just not jaded yet is all

[lonelyheartemma]

That's a good point, maybe he's just really excited because I'm his first proper case or something.

I like that idea. Thanks Orange Lamp.

[Kara.]

:-) lonelyheartemma he will have supervision and might also be in his own therapy. Hopefully he will be able to work with all that's already happening, in the realms of the erotic. You are also very observant and therapists may usually not be so used to be the focus of the attention. It's going to be interesting :-)

xxx

[lonelyheartemma]

Thank you Karaindrou.

Erotic hahaha I know that was basically what I said but I just can't quite imagine people having erotic thoughts about me. Maybe it's a good thing I can't imagine it!

It is going to be interesting- I almost don't mind if the therapy isn't helpful because it's going to be a really interesting experience. (Not the therapist lusting after me part, just talking to and learning from the therapists.)

[lonelyheartemma]

I'm seeing him on his own now. He's a very nice guy and we had an interesting chat. He was very validating but was it worth walking 4 miles for and feeling ill for 3 days afterwards? Idk. And isn't therapy supposed to have exercises and homework and stuff?

My mum has decided my dad has to walk me to therapy and walk me home. She's worried I'll faint (I think it's partly a control thing). I like walking down with him but I don't like walking home with him because I've been in a situation where it's ok to talk about everything and I need time to get over that before I start talking to other people. Last time I forgot I mustn't talk to him about that and just started chatting away to him about the things I'd told my therapist about. Bad idea. He didn't shout at me but he didn't really understand why anyone would feel like I do. So I'm going to try to go on my own this time.

[artemis84]

Not all therapy has homework and/or exercises to do between sessions, it depends on the type of therapy you are getting. CBT for instance often involves 'homework' but psychoanalytic stuff not so much. I guess it also depends on individual therapists and patients too - sometimes things need to happen before you reach the point at which doing exercises between sessions would be helpful.

I totally know what you mean with needing space to readjust after a session. I find it hard to engage with the real world / people until things have settled in my head. I don't think it's unusual either, I'm sure anyone would struggle to fit back into normality immediately after leaving the therapy room - and that includes your dad!

I hope you find some more use in the sessions as time progresses and maybe you'll get used to things physically with doing them more often too.

By the way, hope you had a good Christmas

[lonelyheartemma]

It is supposed to be cbt but he said he didn't want to be strict about everything, he wants it to be client led.

The problem is my dad says he really enjoys walking there and back with me. I don't want to hurt his feelings so I think I'll let him come with me next time but I'll tell my therapist about this problem so maybe there's another way we can close the session. He was talking about the importance of closing the session properly but he forgot to keep an eye on the time and he suddenly realised we'd been there for over an hour.

Thank you, I hope you had a good Christmas too I really enjoyed Christmas Day. I spent the morning with my parents and then I stayed at home while they went to see the relatives. My aunt and uncle are alcoholics and drink makes them very nasty and it gives me panic attacks so I don't go. This time my aunt was ranting about how people who are bullied deserve it because they haven't learned to stand up for themselves. Complete rubbish but if I'd been there I'd have got very upset.

[artemis84]

He sounds like he has a lot to learn! (I mean that in a positive way not a judgemental one. I guess having been through so many years of different therapy I have seen the full spectrum of just starting out therapists to the old hands and he sounds really enthusiastic which is great but like he needs to figure out what is the right balance of 'being strict' about things and indeed letting it be client led. I'm sure things will bed in with time...)

I know how hard it is for you to do the right thing regarding your parents so can understand your wanting not to upset your dad. Remember though, this therapy is to help YOU, not anyone else and if you need that space then that's fine. Maybe you could ask him not to chat on the way back or something if the ending of sessions continue to be haphazard?

Glad you had a nice Christmas, good on you for doing what was best for you and avoiding the rants! Mine was fairly quiet which was nice. The best part has been having my brother around for a decent amount of time. We've always got on well but I don't see him very often so it's nice to have his company - especially at my parents' and during the extended family gatherings which I always find quite difficult to cope with.

[lonelyheartemma]

I agree he has a lot to learn but he is enthusiastic which really helps and he's very honest about the fact he's only a trainee so he doesn't know everything but he's going to do his best. I didn't like my trainee social worker because she basically just made up her mind before she met me that I was a difficult 'child' living with very supportive parents. She refused to give me the crisis number on the grounds that it was for people with 'real problems', not for people like me who 'don't have any mental health problems'. But the trainee therapist listens to me and he believes me. He also knows he's not going to be right all the time so he's always checking with me that he's understood. His lack of experience does worry me a bit but I'd much rather work with him than with an experienced therapist who doesn't listen.

It must be really hard for trainees to get it right because university can't really replicate dealing with a genuine client so they won't know what the experience is like till we're sitting in front of them. Some trainees will do everything by the book without realising we're all individuals and some will be so anxious to make the client feel comfortable that very little actual therapy work gets done. But my trainee therapist has lots of qualities I really appreciate and that's a better starting point than I hoped for.

That's really good you got to spend some time with your brother. Christmas is often all about seeing people you don't want to see- or sitting in the same room as someone without really talking to them. So it's good you and your brother were able to work something out When my sister was here it was a constant five way conversation led by my mum and my sister.