getmeoutahere Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Suffered with BPD for a lot of years and not known about it until Ive done some research about it. Seeing doctors next week and speaking to my councellor about it on monday. Already getting CBT therapy with councellor which will last another 26 weeks which can be treated for BPD but dont know much about it as yet just know what I feel and how its affected my life so far on a downward spiral and really self destructive over time. Just thought I would say hi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Hi and welcome here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getmeoutahere Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Seem to push friends away. Dont trust anyone anymore See the worst in people Read people all the time when Im out Tend to shut myself away from others on daily basis and dont really want to go out. Moods change throughout the day sometimes extreme. I can be very productive then all of a sudden I will start to feel as if I dont want to know anything or anybody and shut myself away. Over my life I have had quite a few suiside attempts including 2 last year and many thoughts since Jan. Background Had really bad childhood with several years of constant bullying on a daily basis. Because of this didnt go to school much and feared daily. Also had probs with dad being really agressive and violent at times so was scared to goto school and scared to come home most days. Had problems bonding with people throughout my life and could never keep friends who seemed to always drift away like they senced something in me and didnt like what they senced so I would lose friends and they would end up using me or taking advantage. As a result of that It affects me more each time it happens enforcing my feelings. I do however cherrish friendship massively more that most and put myself out more that others would because I cherrish friendship so much. This makes me vonverable to be taking advantage of. Met my soul mate but one of her family didnt like me much so spent a lot of years trying to poison the rest of the family against me which it worked for several years because they wouldnt speak to me. The wife loved me at that stage and stood by me. After several years they all seemed to come around and started speaking to me and being nice but as far as I was concerned the damage was already done and I could no longer trust them anymore so tended not to socialise with them as much and isolating myself a bit from them. Things were still being said behind my back but nobody would ever tell me to my face including the wife. Eventually it got to the stage where my wife fell out of love for me and they pulled her back in. She played constant mind games, cut me off emotionally, lied constantly, covered things up, wouldnt do anything even work as I was the only one working. She basically had given up on us and wanted to walk but waited until I had got that upset one night and went out the house in tears to kill myself because I knew she no longer loved me and it had sunk in, that she then packed her bags and put the whole thing on me that it was all me. Before that though I lost my beautiful house which I had spend years renovating and lost a lot of quity in it Because I could not have children due to a medical accident when I was young, I had several operations and in the last one they found sperm and froze it so me and the wife went through IVF. Wife fell pregnant on first attempt but we lost the twins due to Hyperstimulation syndrome as a result of my wife being told to take too much IVF medication. The twins were dead and my wife neally lost her own life. She never did anything about that. Lost my father to motor neuron desease and had to watch him slowly fade away from a 18 stone bloke to 8.5 stone when me died. He lasted 5 years but was terminal. Never got the chance to say goodbye. Lost my business in January when wife left me including my home, and most of my posessions because she cleared me out. I had my own business, wife had nothing to do with it but she wanted half anyway which I honoured. She cleared the house out completely with her family even though I bought most of what was in it. Since then I have been fighting to just get through each day. I only have 1 close friend now and dont go out much at all. Anyway just thought I would share a little and let you all know how this has massively affected my life from a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us. There seems to be a lot of things weighting on your head. I'm sorry for that. Keep hope alive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getmeoutahere Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Thank you so much for making me feel welcome here. This is the reason why I have joined last night on the hope that I can communicate and relate with others and chat with others who have BPD and suffer from Manic Despression. This will help me cope a little more knowing I am not the only one and better understand coping mechanisms for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Welcome here sounds like you have had it really tough i hope that being here will help you on your recovery journey emo x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getmeoutahere Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Thanks Emogirl I hope that I will start to cope a little better soon because I feel well lost at moment. Cant even access chat yet even though paid for a year im still set as a member. I paid last night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 It takes a few days to confirm your status..not suree why but dont worry it happened to us all. u can soon chat. But in the mean time keep talking here. Emo x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getmeoutahere Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 It states in my account that Ive paid and they will have had the payment with my email and details so cant really understand why it take so long. Payment has come back to site as approved and shows in my account as paid. Not getting any responces from admins as yet in here even though sent them messages. Not really good for emotions to be kept in suspense as much not knowing whats going on. There should always be an admin online in shifts to process things like this when people join. Its probably my emotions just kicking in Im very sensitive today and quite down so little things are affecting me. Im not trying to cause any issues or trying to upset anybody I just want to be able to chat with people who have the same as me because I feel cut off from society Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getmeoutahere Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Thanks to Lily its now been approved and thanks for the approval Lily and the warm welcome as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havehope Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 I joined this week as well getmeoutahere. its a great site, eh. I wish you all the best on your healing journey.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted December 14, 2013 Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Hi there, i hope that you like it here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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