piercepd Posted December 29, 2013 Report Share Posted December 29, 2013 Hello there, all. I'm a 35 year old guy from the South of England. Working as a full time musician/part time lots of other things. I've been living with (or wanting to escape from) BPD, depression, ADHD & the like for as long as I can remember & it's totally wrecked my life to this point. I'm giving recovery one last try because I have no other options (& a lot of scars/suicide attempts/ruined relationships to prove that!) I need to learn to survive, to live with this productively because I have no other options anymore & can't ever seem to bring myself to commit suicide properly. I've done a LOT of therapy & apparently I'm quite good at listening to & helping others, even if I can't help myself. In a nutshell, I've tried everything, I've been an alcoholic, a drug addict, a prolific self-harmer, I've been in multiple simultaneous relationships, all as a way of trying to shut my brain up & trying to find something to stop feeling empty or fuelled by hate-filled rage. I've failed. I've been in psych units, on retreats, in love, in lust, in the depths but nothing has worked. I've finally realised that I have no other options. As is said in The Shawshank Redemption; "It's time to get busy living or get busy dying" and I can't die, I've tried. So my choices are either carry on as I am & never be happy or try & sort this out. In most aspects I'm happy enough with my life, I have work that I love, I have my own place, good friends, etc, etc but I'm still not happy & I'm still not well. I've found "the one." She's been my rock for 4 years &, despite the fact that we broke up 2 years ago, she's still around & still says she loves me, we just can't be together. Yet she keeps coming back to saying she wishes we could be & whenever I exhibit any sign of a recovery or strength, she comes back closer to me. After what I've put her through, I'm amazed that she cares to even remember my name. So rightly or wrongly, she's my goal, my prize. I know I should get better for me but that's not working in my head, so I'm getting better for her &, in theory, I'll either win her back or I'll get to a point where I'm happy to be without her. Hopefully. Well that's the basics, come say hi. Mr. PD Hopefully I can say some things that'll help people, hopefully I'll hear some things that will help me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I_Love_Cheeses Posted December 31, 2013 Report Share Posted December 31, 2013 We all said stuff elsewhere I think... but this empty space needs to be filled because it will just sit there and thumb its nose at you otherwise. So - hello again. Tricia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havehope Posted January 1, 2014 Report Share Posted January 1, 2014 HI Piercepd, A warm welcome to you...I`m fairly new myself.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat77 Posted January 4, 2014 Report Share Posted January 4, 2014 I'm new too but wanted to say hi. I'm quite shy and at a bit of a crisis point just now so I'll introduce myself properly soon. Best wishes to all.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piercepd Posted January 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2014 Hi there Kat & Havehope They're really lovely here, Kat & it's a great place to get stuff out. Look forward to your introduction. If you're shy of public but want an ear, feel free to PM me. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lalissa Posted January 5, 2014 Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 Hiya piercepd, nice to read your msg and a bit about you, i like how you explain things in your post (i identify with a lot of it) i'm newish here and been away for a bit too, i've found a lot of people who come from the same PD places i do on these boards, which is really helpful, i hope u find the same, look forward to hearing more from you xx lali Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piercepd Posted January 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 Hey Lali, Thanks for the lovely messages, glad I was clear & that people can connect with it. Look forward to seeing you around. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
River_Song Posted January 6, 2014 Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 Hi piercepd, I'm new here myself and wanted to say hi. I can relate to a lot of what you have said. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find it helpful and comforting. River Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piercepd Posted January 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 Hey, yeah it's good so far (although they're all crazy.) How are you settling in? PD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
River_Song Posted January 6, 2014 Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 All the good people ARE crazy! I'm ok. Doing a lot of reading, not very confident at replying right now. River Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 8, 2014 Report Share Posted January 8, 2014 hello and welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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