fluxy90 Posted January 5, 2014 Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 Hello there you lovely people, I hope everyone is well. I'd like to get something off my chest, an issue regarding friendships. I am a 23 year old female. Back in 2009 I started suffering with Depression and Anixety, I am still suffering with it 5 years on. Since suffering I have changed as a person, I have had great difficulty maintaining friendships, I have lost friends and drifted away from friends. Before this, I had a group of friends who i did regular social things with, 2 of the people in that group i was very close with, a male who was my best friend and a female friend, they were the 2 people out the group i could talk about my anxiety and depression problems to comfortaly. However, in the last few years my male friend got a girlfriend and don't bother with me much. I never hear nothing from him, no phone calls, nothing. I leave him the odd message on facebook but he replys with very few words. The female on the other hand I can still talk to, i leave her facebook messages and she replies. Over the last few years I have rarely gone out with this group of friends, probably like a few times a year, if that. I've just not felt like going out, feeling low and feeling unwell with anxiety. Which i'm sure some people can relate to. The thing that is upsetting me is the fact that this group never invite me to social events no more, i always see check in's and photos of them all together on facebook. It makes me feel sad cuz if i didn't have anxiety or depression i probably would be included. I think what's puzzling me most is why I drifted away, it just feels like they don't care and i am forgotten about. It would be nice if these people just rang or left me message every now and again asking how i am, but i get nothing. It really is hard to reach out to people when you have no confidence. I just feel abit lost as to what i do now in life, i feel lonely socially but i don't want to beg these friendships, i may have just drifted because i have been unable to come out to social activities. But where now in life? My feelings right now are to just forget about these people and move on, i may add i have the best family in the world, i have loving parents (they are like my best friends), loving brothers and a great extended family, the family side of life is great. Just a crap social life. So my feelings are telling me to forget about these people and enjoy life with my family, and with hope in the future i can make new friends with a better understanding of my condition and who will support me. I would like to keep in contact with my female friend out the group, she's probably the only one though. I feel like deleting these guys on facebook but that would be immature, i would say hello if i seen them in the street in the future etc I wouldn't be rude. But im thinking now maybe is a good time cutting full commincation off from them like stop commenting on their facebooks, Any replys would be helpful. Maybe someone out there has had silmiar issues with friendships. Many thanks for reading this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsaacClarke Posted January 5, 2014 Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 Hi. Yes, I have the same problem with keeping friendships, I always push away my new friends after a short time, I feel like I got bored, yet I know it isn't the right thing to do. I would really like to have a normal healthy friendships just like the other people do, but honestly I don't know how to maintain them. I keep telling myself that I just haven't met the right people to be friends with, and I just prefer being alone than hanging out with guys and girls who are not my type. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zavaros Posted January 5, 2014 Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 Hi fluxy90, I can really relate to your post, I feel the same and it's really sad and lonely to feel you have lost your friends and as you get older it's harder to meet new friends and that's without the added complications of anxiety and depression. With some people it's better to just let them go but with others I've found it helpful to try and look at it from their perspective as when you've been particularly unwell in the past and have declined their invites, they may feel it's best not to pester you and that you will contact them when you are feeling better, although I know from our side it feels as if they can't be bothered anymore and have forgotten about us. You could try reaching out when you are feeling better, just a quick message asking how they are or if you're up to it, if they'd like to catch up. I've done this a few times and have been pleasantly surprised. Obviously depression clouds our view of things so we think negatively and don't ask but what have you got to lose? You may fear rejection reaching out but you're suffering feeling rejected anyway so it's worth a try! I think people who haven't suffered from anxiety/depression really don't understand it and so maybe don't mean to act in ways which hurt us, e.g. not keeping in contact etc. Sorry if I've misinterpreted what you were saying. Take care! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluxy90 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 Hi. Yes, I have the same problem with keeping friendships, I always push away my new friends after a short time, I feel like I got bored, yet I know it isn't the right thing to do. I would really like to have a normal healthy friendships just like the other people do, but honestly I don't know how to maintain them. I keep telling myself that I just haven't met the right people to be friends with, and I just prefer being alone than hanging out with guys and girls who are not my type. Thank you for your reply. It has been useful and interesting. I'm nearly 24 and I have drifted from social groups all through my teen years. Like you I kept thinking i haven't met the right people and they are 'crap' friends. But this group i am talking about in the post is the longest social group i have stuck with. I think maybe in time we may develop skills to keep our friendships. hopefully! thankyou for your replying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluxy90 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 Hi fluxy90, I can really relate to your post, I feel the same and it's really sad and lonely to feel you have lost your friends and as you get older it's harder to meet new friends and that's without the added complications of anxiety and depression. With some people it's better to just let them go but with others I've found it helpful to try and look at it from their perspective as when you've been particularly unwell in the past and have declined their invites, they may feel it's best not to pester you and that you will contact them when you are feeling better, although I know from our side it feels as if they can't be bothered anymore and have forgotten about us. You could try reaching out when you are feeling better, just a quick message asking how they are or if you're up to it, if they'd like to catch up. I've done this a few times and have been pleasantly surprised. Obviously depression clouds our view of things so we think negatively and don't ask but what have you got to lose? You may fear rejection reaching out but you're suffering feeling rejected anyway so it's worth a try! I think people who haven't suffered from anxiety/depression really don't understand it and so maybe don't mean to act in ways which hurt us, e.g. not keeping in contact etc. Sorry if I've misinterpreted what you were saying. Take care! xx Hello there, thank you so much for your reply. It has really put things into perspective. I have great difficulty thinking outside the box, I get lost in my own thoughts and never think about other perpectives. so thank you, this reply has been very useful and wise. 10 out of 10. Thank you so much xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zavaros Posted January 6, 2014 Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 Hi fluxy90, Thanks for your lovely message back! It's no problem, I'm glad I could share my experiences to help you! Take care! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 8, 2014 Report Share Posted January 8, 2014 Friendship is a notion I massively struggle with. When I was at school there were people I felt more or less close to but I never did the social hangouts or parties, was simply never invited. Now as an adult I feel weird, like not relating to "friends" anymore. Simply feel nothing anymore linking me to them. I've only one friend left who stick with me and tries to understand my condition. I feel so alone, it's surreal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluxy90 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2014 Friendship is a notion I massively struggle with. When I was at school there were people I felt more or less close to but I never did the social hangouts or parties, was simply never invited. Now as an adult I feel weird, like not relating to "friends" anymore. Simply feel nothing anymore linking me to them. I've only one friend left who stick with me and tries to understand my condition. I feel so alone, it's surreal. Hello, thank you for replying. Arrr im sorry to hear your experience with friends, big hugs. Can relate a little to school friends, I drifted through alot of social groups through school and now at 23 years old i don't speak to them nor do they speak to me. It's sad. It's good to hear you have one good friend sticking by you, very hard to find friends like that. I wish there was more understanding and education out there for mental health illnesses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluxy90 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2014 Hi fluxy90, Thanks for your lovely message back! It's no problem, I'm glad I could share my experiences to help you! Take care! xx Thank you, and take care too x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.