Audrey_Hepburn Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 All I wanted to know is in the title. Share your stories. NOTE: I don't want to sound I label people with bpd and have prejudes but I believe you know what and why I'm asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chip2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 I'm in a long term relationship. I try and keep the nasty thoughts in my head from coming out of my mouth. It doesn't always work and I apologize as soon as I'm feeling better. Also I avoid my partner when in bad moods. By staying in bed or going to my mums house with the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnbooth1963 Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 in my experience, in answer to your question Audrey, they don't. I've had 2 marriages, one ended badly, one ( my current one ) is fraught with problems. not my wife's fault at all, she's been a pillar of strength. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gandalftheginge Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Hey Audrey, I don't really have any advice or stories, I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of late. I've read several of your recent posts and it seems like it's been really hard. I was so happy to hear that you found someone to be with, you're so kind and you deserved someone equally as lovely. I just hope things work out for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogagirl Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Hi I'm going to buck the trend as I've been with my husband for twenty years and have no intention of changing that. He is my one thing that is right in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Settng Sun Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 I'm in a long term relationship. I try and keep the nasty thoughts in my head from coming out of my mouth. It doesn't always work and I apologize as soon as I'm feeling better. Also I avoid my partner when in bad moods. By staying in bed or going to my mums house with the kids. I wish I had been able to be of this frame of mind the last few years! I'm really pleased you're able to control things to this extent. I've been in a relationship for almost 14 years but I guess the difference is that my BPD has only been a recent 'revelation', if you like, so I didn't know any better. What you also have to bear in mind is that 6 of those of years we were a long-distance couple, so that probably helped me to not be at my worst around them. For the last 5 or 6 years I have been distant and not really much of a husband at all. So really, they only got 2 or 3 really good years out of me when we were together the whole time, which makes me pretty sad. Sorry Audrey, I know this doesn't really answer your question at all! I guess I would very much endorse what Chip has said although obviously that may not work for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chip2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 I only found out two months who that I have BPD so we've been through hell and back too. We always knew I had a problem though. I miss my partner so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey_Hepburn Posted January 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 thank you all I know you say your replier are not direct answers to my question, but they are I wanted to see how it works for us all and maybe we can talk and help eachother. One more question - when you are in a bad mood or crises in what way it affects your partner. What do you say or do or whatever else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 I have been in a relationship for 16yrs funny thing my partner is the abusive one, has hit me, thrown me down stairs attacked me with a pair of scissors, called me every name under the sun and i'm the one with bpd. I am too afraid to be alone is the only reason i can give for still being with him, he complains when i'm down, is abusive if i self harm and when i'm really depressed tells me to get over it, maybe not a good example, sorry but i'm sure they can work x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Settng Sun Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Unfortunately, I have tended to do one of two things:- 1) Go completely silent and distant and refused to talk or communicate at all. 2) Tried to communicate how I'm feeling but ended up saying and acting in completely the wrong way. Only in the last couple of weeks have I really started to find the middle ground successfully but, really, it's too late. I've tried to take some comfort in knowing that I'm just in better control of myself now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 I create a lot of distance and then talk about it when I can be calm. if I don't have that option, I opt for honesty (telling him exactly how I feel) and asking him to listen and not feel like I am trying to blame him or hurt him for my inability to communicate properly then I ask for a hug or to be held and we try and sooth each other a bit from the rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey_Hepburn Posted January 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 I was losing control with my bf... Was saying bad things and treating him really bad. I was hurting him (also myself) and I swear I couldn't control myself It all led up to a break up. We made up but I decided to take things slowly. To see eachother very rarely and not to see eachother at all and have just a little contact when I'm in bad mood, depressed, crises (whatever) and I am feeling devastated last couple of days and I wish to call him because I need him so bad, but I am afraid to ruin it all. I hope in time I'll get used to creating a distance when I'm bad. I also hope it's the best thing to do for us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey_Hepburn Posted January 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 addy2, I am so sorry to hear that. I understand your fear of being alone, but also think it is much worse to stay with someone as abusive. but you must have hear this many times before please, don't think I'm judging you - of course not. I am just sad to hear your story. did you ask for help for being abused? hugs Chip, what happened in your relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tantalus227 Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 Honesty has been a major part of my relationship. I've been with my partner for over 2 years and I know that without him I would just fall apart. When we started seeing each other I told him about all my problems and issues (we'd known each other a long time prior so I think he had an incling that I wasn't quite right) and I said to him "If this isn't something you think you can deal with then walk away now because if you walk away months down the line it's going to cause me more harm and do me more damage than if you did now". Incredibly, he stayed. He's seen me at my very worst. Helped me through tough times. I've seen him at his worst and I've helped him through tough times. I must remember though, when my mind starts dragging me to places I don't want to be that I need to tell him. I recently upset him as I'd been struggling for a few days but didn't say anything because I thought I could manage. This upset him and he thought I didn't trust him. I trust him, he's the only person I do trust. He knows me better than anyone else and he understands me. He knows that when I lose my temper and I'm screaming and saying such nasty things that screaming back at me isn't going to help. He knows when to let me have some space to cool off. He recognises my symptoms better than I do. He'll detect when my behaviour will change before it does and subtly removes me from any harmful situation. I hate how I've been at times. I hate when he comes home to find I've hurt myself. I hate that sometimes he isn't dealing with me but the psychotic person I turn into. But, he understands. He has helped me more than anyone else in my entire life. He is my rock. A lovely, cuddly, handsome rock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gandalftheginge Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 I definitely developed the habbit of closing myself off. I'm not always great at showing emotions in the first place, or even understanding how I'm feeling, so when someone expects me to react in a certain way or feel a certain emotion, chances are it won't be the way they want. Does that make any sense? Sometimes I'd upset my partner, not deliberately, often just through my complusive spending or lethargy. She'd expect me to get upset or cry in return, but it doesn't happy like that. She'd keep saying she broke me or that it was her fault. That was one of the most confusing and hurtful things to hear, firstly that she didn't do anything wrong and secondly that realisation that maybe I am emotionally broken... Anway, it's something I have to work on if I want to maintain any kind of relationship, but I'm not sure or convinced that it can change. Sorry for rambling on, I hope it was relevant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinyshine Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 I've only had one relationship you could call long term (sort of), all my others didn't last because I was basically a wanker. My current one is just over a year and weirdly enough we've only ever had two arguments. But we are an odd couple. I try to not see her if I'm in a bad mood, and I think through what it is I want to say to her or what I'm unhappy about. If I am annoyed at her sometimes I write really long letters to her. Writing helps me get it out and I often find I feel much better and I realise the problem isn't to do with us, but something else I'm upset about. We are also VERY casual. As in, we see each other about once a week, text every few days, and really don't take things seriously. I regularly freak out, but so far not with consequences that are dire. Cheers to johnbooth for the letter writing idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 I been married for 27 yrs I have bpd d.I.d but my hub married me not my illnesses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeggyKreuger Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 I can only agree with some of the other writers. Honesty, honesty and honesty.. I am still struggling with telling my fiance how bad things might be. But I have reach the level of telling him : Today is not a good day. Wich means: Today my mind is telling me to leave you cuz I'm worthless and I don't deserve someone like you. etc. Somedays I still lie cuz I know he has trouble handling that I'm not feeling okay. He takes it to personal. But I still think that him and I will find a way to be completely fine with my problems and issues. I have a ring on my finger since 1 and a half year that tells me so and we have been together almost 4 years. Knowing each other for 10. If you find the right person they will love every bit of you. Even though some bits are harder to love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ilah Posted January 19, 2014 Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 I'm just completely honest with my husband and have been since day one. We have been together seven years now. I think you also have to be able to look at yourself and admit when your behaviour is affecting the relationship, then you can get over it together. If nothing else your partner can empathise and not feel as cross with you. I think the length of a relationship is dependant on how willing your partner is to go through the crap times with you. My husbands life is definitely different with me but he makes the decision to stay with me as long as I strive to improve the things that aren't so good. He does the same for me in return. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Settng Sun Posted January 19, 2014 Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 I think you also have to be able to look at yourself and admit when your behaviour is affecting the relationship, then you can get over it together. If nothing else your partner can empathise and not feel as cross with you. I agree with this but the problem comes when you actually don't realise your behaviour and state of mind and that they are affecting your relationship until it is perhaps too late to salvage much. Otherwise, yes, I would always side with absolute honesty if you are in a position to be able to hold your hands up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted January 19, 2014 Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 For the people who have said that their husbands/partners are the only ones that they trust and that they couldn't live without them... don't you guys dread that they might leave? Abandon you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey_Hepburn Posted January 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 Tantalus227 your love story is heartwarming...and that pic is lovely, indeed, you two seem so in love :heart: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey_Hepburn Posted January 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 Shinyshine to write down emotions! that is brilliant! you can also feel releaf and also look at the things from diferent aspects now that the thoughts have a written form and are not rushing through your mind. I might start writing a diary again , after 10 years, just to write down my thought and emotions. I'll do it tonight PeggyKreuger " If you find the right person they will love every bit of you. Even though some bits are harder to love." I'll quote this from now on, it brought tears to my eyes . I think I'll quote it to my bf to show him how I apriciete his love towards me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey_Hepburn Posted January 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 gandalftheginge I've been in a place when I couldn't undestand my emotions, I couldn't name what I was feeling. It was prior starting my psychotherapy sessions. I've learned that after a year I think, and I also take better control as the time passes in expressing unipropriate emotions in situations. I still have impulsivity and anger isues, and huge mood swings. It is hard but if you work on yourself, you can progress. Do you go to therapy? And please, don't say you are rambling, everything you say here is relevant, we are all here to vent, support and help one another x karaindrou I've recently discovered that my main problem with my partner is my fear he wouldn't "do everything" to keep us together, or at least as effort as I ask him to, that he relies on me and my behaviour to work on it, and if I don't work it out, we won't work out too :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tantalus227 Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 Tantalus227 your love story is heartwarming...and that pic is lovely, indeed, you two seem so in love :heart: Thank you Audrey karaindrou: I do worry that someday he might get fed up and leave. It is my biggest fear. He assures me that he's not going to do that but I still worry. He's stuck around for over 2 years though so I can't be that intolerable! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.