misery1980 Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Hi, don't really know what to type. Guess this could be classed as a cry for help. Does it help that I'm crying right now while typing? Life has never been so complicated and all I want to do is crash and burn. However if I do that, I lose my kids. They are the only thing keeping me from exiting this place. I love and hate them for it. They keep me here, they keep me fighting, but they stop me from easing this pain and hurt. Help me someone, please :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinyshine Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Hi, welcome to the forum. Everyone here is friendly and hopefully you'll find the support you need to help you along. Do you have a therapist or doctor that knows how you feel? I know they can be hard to talk to but they could also help you. You sound like an excellent parent if you've kept fighting despite how you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lalissa Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Hi, welcome... this is a good place to vent your pain.. people here get it... keep posting, you're not alone... xx lali xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Hiya I can really hear the pain in your post.So sorry you are hurting so bad. When you feel strong enough,it would be helpful for you(& us) if you went into a bit of detail.You can say ANYTHING here. No one will mind & the more we understand about you,the more help we can give you. Keep communicating I hope you can find the strength to keep going & reaching out. We are here.And we care.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misery1980 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 Thank you for the wonderful comments. To explain my life and the things that have affected me would take writing a novel longer than War and Peace however my current situation is: No I haven't got a therapist or cpn at the moment as I have just moved for the 43rd time in my life (I am 33 by the way) and that all the people who are supposed to be supporting me are the ones that hurt the most. All I want to do is get off this world because it hurts too much but I just can't be that selfish towards my kids. Like I said, if I didn't have them, I wouldn't be typing this right now. Maybe at some point I'll open up more and spill out all the demons that plague me day and night but for now I just need to keep my head above water which sucks because I don't know how to swim. One question I do have, under your names there's either Member or Sponsor. What's the difference? Thanks for reading this though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted February 13, 2014 Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hey there misery and hugs 4 ya too, I totally understand about your children, I lost my daughter due to her dad being abusive and it was a living hell!!. I fought for her as hard as I could but in the end I decided to put her up for adoption so that she could be safe from her dad as he is extremely dangerous and has been in prison for abusing me. I felt like I just had to keep going too but you need support and you need to say how you feel which you are doing which is great!! , otherwise you will crash and burn. Well done for fighting for your kids, you need each other so much. Please get some help for how you feel maybe with your g.p?, keep talking Hun we are all here for you. You are stronger than you think xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misery1980 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 AM really not doing so well today. Although, I did ring Mind to try and get some advice, which is a start, however they just passed me onto another number and I haven't got the mental strength to explain it all again right now. I just don't know how I am keeping my sanity afloat right now. Probably only happening because I have to collect my kids in a few minutes and know I can't falter. Thanks for the replies though and for the time being......I'm still here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 13, 2014 Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 hello and welcome to the forums. Keep fighting for your kids.xoxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misery1980 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 I'm still here...just. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 Hey hun. Let me know how you are.All of us care.Many of us have been in the place you are atm,& thanks to the amazing support here,many are in a better(slightly) way now. Love & hugs.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misery1980 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Honestly, still not doing great. I've had a few brighter periods lately but am now plummeting again rapidly. My apologies if I confused anyone about the 'fighting for my daughters'. What I meant was, having my daughters with me, makes me fight to stay alive. I have full custody of my children, however if they were not in my life or were taken away from me, I'd be dead in minutes. They are my reason for still being here and the minute the youngest leaves home (which won't be for alot of years yet) I'm not sure how I will cope. Sorry if anyone felt misled, it was not my intention. As for me, I am fighting everyday with my mind. Sometimes I don't even know how I have the strength to stand let alone get the girls to school on time etc. I have been making sure I don't go back to bed once I've dropped them off and its helping me sleep a little better at night except the flashbacks and nightmares I've been having about my past experiences. It's lovely to know you are all here and that no-one has to go through things alone. Am still not ready to really open up yet but trust takes time and my god I know that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted March 8, 2014 Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Warm welcome on the forums. You sound like going through a lot and I'm sorry for it. Hope you can get to a better head space soon. Talk here as much as you need on any subject, we have friendly ears to listen to you and your experiences will match the experiences of many of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misery1980 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 I really hope people's experiences are nothing like what I've been through. I have been to Hell and back and brought most of Hell back with me! I live in Hell everyday and there is no escape because wherever I go, it follows. Sorry, I am really low at the moment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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