Work Stress

[Data]

My life has been going pretty well until about 2 weeks ago when things started to go bad at work. I am 3 months into a job on a government scheme where I do research in a company that makes computer software. I have a programming challenge at the moment and it isn't going well - there are bugs in my program and sorting them out is taking far longer than everyone hoped.

This week has been particularly bad. I come home in a foul mood and it takes me hours with my headphones on to relax. I argue with my wife and children, my wife is complaining that I am making her and my daughter sad .

Since I am well into recovery, I have been trying to lose weight as I am obese and have sleep apnoea. However, last night I was in such a FOUL mood that I ended up binging on lager, crisps and chocolate biscuits.

Today my boss came in to my office and gave me a couple of hints, but they didn't really help. I find him hard to talk to - as a boss he has no sense of humour and is quite authoritarian; he lays the law down all the time. He said there has been a lack of progress in the last couple of weeks.

Tomorrow I have a skype meeting with him and the professor who gives advice for my research. The subject of the lack of progress is bound to come up, and I am wondering what to say. To get defensive or aggressive with them would be a mistake. But it would also be a mistake to roll over and say everything is my fault. Also, I don't want to make excuses or blame their software for the problems.

I wonder what they could do to help me? There isn't really any training they could offer. They could assign someone to sit with me and help me with the programming but that just wouldn't happen.

One way of dealing with it could be to work more hours. At the moment I stick to the standard 37.5 hours a week, plus the two hours a day of commuting. The reason why I don't work more hours is I value my free time. I use it to relax, help my wife with things around the house, and indulge in my swimming/walking hobbies, which are helping my health. Sometimes I feel bad that I just stick to the standard hours.

Then there is also the issue of my pay. What I get is a good salary, but its not good for a software developer, particularly one with my qualifications. I am sure some of them work evenings and weekends, but I am also sure that they get at least £10000 a year more than me!

The other issue is my job security. My contract finishes in 2016 and I am actually employed by a university, even though my place of work is in the software company. So the software company don't have to take me on if they don't like me, and I could be out of a job.

Then the other issue is my mental health. I am well into recovery, I don't have treatment at the moment and the only medication is a Zopiclone 1-2 nights a week. My mental health is related to my stress levels, my sleep, my sleep apnoea, my ability to diet, and my physical health - they are all connected. It would be a shame to ruin my recovery.

I am getting cramps in my stomach and I think the stress has brought on IBS. I am going to get something from the chemist later today, and if its not better by next week I am seeing the GP.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow, and I'm going to feel really bad at 4.30pm if I am leaving the office for the weekend and the current bug in my program is still left unsolved. But maybe things will get better - I've only been there 3 months?

[lonelyheartemma]

I'm sorry you've had such a bad week Data. It does sound really difficult, I'm not surprised you're stressed out!

Diets are really hard to keep up. I think it's great you've been working so hard on this. It must be so disappointing that you had a binge but it's just one time and it doesn't change all the days when you kept to your diet. Also when you have a stressful week some things will fall by the wayside because one person can only do so much. I know it's easier said than done but maybe you could forgive yourself on this occasion and focus on the other things that are stressing you out at the moment?

The work one is difficult. The people making the demands can forget how difficult it is. Your boss knows the company and the work procedures inside out but you're new and I think you said in another post that you aren't working in a way you're used to working. So it's natural that you're going to find it difficult sometimes. But getting the boss to realise that and admit to that and accept it's how things are is another problem. I've never had a job and I'm not nearly as clever as you so I shouldn't really be giving you advice but these are my ideas. I would be honest about the problem and accept some of the responsibility (which isn't the same as saying everything is your fault). Then I think it often helps in this sort of situation to meet the other people halfway. Even if it is all their fault, at least it shows willingness to be responsible and that you don't expect them to sort everything out. If you can think of something you could do to help solve part of the problem, then they might think of something too.

I can understand why you don't want to work overtime. It's a very long commute and apart from the fact you value your free time it is also important for your health to take time to relax- which benefits your employers as well as you. But as this is an especially difficult week maybe you could make an exception? (I'm sorry if I sound bossy and arrogant or patronising.) It's good you're not letting them get as much overtime out of you as possible and they definitely have no right to expect it but in certain cases maybe it is okay? I don't suppose working from home is an option? You might feel more relaxed if you're at home.

If your contract finishes in 2016 does that mean they've got to keep you on till then? I suppose when it gets nearer the time you could start looking out for other jobs? I think lots of people would do that because however much loyalty you might owe to your employer, your first loyalty is to your family.

I used to take gaviscon and ranitidine for my IBS, they were both available from the chemist. They aren't as good as the omeprazole and motillium I take now but they did make a difference. I also take probiotics which you can get from health food shops. I hope you find something that helps you, IBS is so horrible and sometimes it's just get another thing to worry about. Though (sorry if this is TMI) it can help with losing weight so there's one positive!

I do agree with you that things will get easier over time. There will probably always be harder weeks and easier weeks but it must be so much worse when you're new. I hope your meeting goes well tomorrow.

[ruffryder]

Hey data sorry your finding things hard.

I think all what you are doing takes a hell of alot. I do understand that you are under a lot of strain and if i had well less than half of what you deal with i would crumble.

You have some skill in your job otherwise you would not have been employed and i personaly want to pat you on the back for being able to hold down a job specialy the type of job you have well done.

I get what you say about taking time to relax it can take me days in isolation to work through any emotion and the to feel relaxed so for me when i hear u can do that in a few hours with your family around is great. Im not taking away how hard that must be but i think you have alot of strength to be able to do that.

I agree with emma jobs do have a learning curv and myself want to be perfect strait away but thats very unrealistic and is a massive barrier to me working. But you seem like you have done this type of work for a while and things can come up that are hard to get past. Im sorry i dont have much advice on this but i do really hope you can get some help or find a way around it

i also know how hard it is with diets and stomach issues. I used to be quite chubby and binge eat alot. I got pretty bad with my mh over the last year and went through a stage of giving up eating. I was very sick in alot of emotional pain and couldnt get out of bed for weeks. It was very hard to go through but my eating habbits changed very much. All the unhealthy food i was addicted to didnt seem to mean everything to me any more. Then i found out i had gastritis which meant no fatty greasy or spicy food then it was lactose intolerence. Now im very limted in what i can eat but i find ot a little easier now. For you to be able to try that with what you have going on is awsome and much respect for that.

And the ibs issues i suffered bad with stomach problems and still do pretty bad alot of my diet had to do with it. I take probiotics also and they do help. I still have debilitating cramps and they are hard to cope with but i now know it is just caused by stress and anxiaty. That doubled with food intolerance is just too much lol.

Sorry for such a long post but i just wanted to say from my point of veiw how great you are getting on and still to make time for your health, sanity and your family if i could achive half of that i would be a little proud ( alot if it wernt for bpd lol) kudos to you man im sorry for your struggle but i envy your strength.

Well dond. Good luck and take care :)

[Data]

Today was just as hard and I feel physically ill and mentally stressed beyond belief, and its a Friday night .

I am getting urges to go out for vodka. If I go out for vodka I will also get pringles. I'll regret it in the morning, but its really tempting.

Thanks Emma and Ruffryder.

I have a meeting with my boss and his boss next week. I will try and take Emma's advice and meet them half way.

I am going to try and forget about work until Sunday. I sent my boss an email this afternoon and he might reply to it, in which case I might do an hour or two of work on Sunday, when the house is quiet.

They can fire me before the contract finish. I can't take them to a tribunal for unfair dismissal until I have been there for 12 months. I don't think they would be in a rush to fire me.

I think I'll get some ranitidine from the chemist. I might give probiotics a go also.

I hope there are some easier weeks soon, I don't know how much of this I can stand .

[Data]

Update -

I have a meeting on Wednesday morning. I was told this afternoon that if I've not solved my current technical problem by then, then my job is in jeopardy.

[lonelyheartemma]

Oh no

It's not fair of them to make threats like that. I really hope you can solve it Data.

[Threemoons]

Hi. I do hope you can solve the problem and keep your job. What you're doing sounds already amazing to me. I truly don't know how you can manage your family life plus your professional one. By the way, don't get too upset about the binge episode, that's only one in a long period of time and you can start dieting fresh again.

Best of luck!

[Data]

Thanks Emma, it looks like I am keeping my job for now. The pressure is still on though.

Threemoons, I am back to binging as a habit now .

[Threemoons]

Aw, so sorry you can't stop the binging for now.

Offering you a warm safe hug.

[Data]

Update: things have settled down at work so I am not binging now .

[lonelyheartemma]

I'm so glad things have settled down and that you're keeping your job.

And it's great you've stopped binging as well. It's good that the binging is just related to stress rather than being an addiction which you just have to do even if you've had a good day. Hopefully your supervisor will be more careful about not stressing you out in future.

[Bubbles..]

Good news Data. x

[basimelhabashy]

It is very good topic for discussion. Today many people are disturb with his or her work because it is under pressure with work and hisher believe in work stress. People are Mentally disturb with this types of addictions.