moonbeam beth Posted March 23, 2014 Report Share Posted March 23, 2014 Oh! Ok! Thank you the collective people…I am learning… So when we first meet new people, the convention, is in general, to lead with… Intellectual pursuits, hobbies, work status, family status… Leaves me slightly concerned, for sooo many, I cannot deny… so how, would, those from institutions, and isolated, secular communities, make any new connections…Rhetorical of course, just a wondering… Out there, in here. So intellectual pursuits, hobbies, stuff I do and interact with: Astronomy, name a planet, we can go there, in our minds eye, I have seen, with my own two eyes through telescope…Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and some of the moons that go with them…Star’s, our own Sun, can, tell you, classifications, types, how they function, came to be…Galaxies, can show you where, they are above your heads, tell you how many light years away they are, and when ‘we’ the people (not I) discovered them…I collect, images from every space telescope we have out there…every one, I am not choosy..all spectrum’s are available to me, thanks to the Mankind and his science, I thank the boys for their toys, and for all the concrete, evidencing and collecting…you all really should be stopping to collate, what globally you have got, but, hey, with I.Qs that high, why Listen to a no-one…But our very own Sir Steven Hawkins, is not a no-one??? Perfumery, I have ‘heightened’ olfactory experiencing, I can, smell a fragrance, and break it down, into its ingredient’s, top notes, middle notes, and base notes…The advent of synthetic-chemical processing to produce smells, means this has got more rich and complex… A blessing, as, I lost the skill to identify process…This has a down side, I can also identify, on people, food, substances, products, pets, sometimes even places specific, and even whether or not a person travelled on the underground!!! Nature: Nurture. Spiders and tarantulas, I can identify, and give information on, different types, where, they live, how they live…I kill none, I live along side, we share, experiencing, frequency…Ravens, I know, and live alongside, a trio, of them. They are my entertainment, my nature neighbors, at certain times of the day, I watch for them, they watch for me, I am curious or concerned, when they appear, and disappear…They teach me…we have had some, intense, funny, occasions…Last two, seasonal, years, A pair of Finch, appear, make nest in my, out to in air vents…I missed, the what leave as, family, leaving, both times…just woke up to silence! Am looking out for them, this season...must mediate, between, them and the Ravens, to know them, is to understand this, hope someone else has these pleasures and privileges inner city... Food, I can cook, food from all different cultures around the world, I can pickle and preserve, dry and cure…Herbs, I can grow and care for, find in here in London, in the wild, and take a care for, they have a central, important role in my life, and I experience my place in evolution, alongside theirs, plants and herbs are just part of my necessary, survival needs, they are friends, that sacrifice their life-force, to become a part of mine…I just don’t function, err, fully, fully yet, got so much repairing and rebuilding, and re-wiring to do with the house, that is my body. I am system in re-boot, recovery… Plants, I propagate yucca plants, This, has taken me years, to learn them, no book learning, just experiencing, them. From one, I now have six: one mature, parent plant: and five, independently growing ‘babies’…Spider plants the same for me. I am deeply connected to my plants, each one, requires, just a little tweak, they are not all the same, even though they came from the same parent plants, are the same species, look so similar, it would be called ‘the same’, they teach me, heal, me grow, me, grow with me, go with me, yes, dear people, just like, HRH Prince Charles, we talk with the nature…we experience, frequency and connection, or not, some do not like to be interacted with! I also draw strength and delight at the, fact of reality, that I share experiencing, with, the future King of England…The joy! I hope this is, able to, add, to, and fill, in, more fully, my being-ness, encourages inclusion. Projections; targets. I am selfishly seeking, driven by, my own, need to survive…I am with agenda, your pain, leads to my growth, confirmation and validation, leads to, err, more certainty, I down-load, and, upgrade and , and process, all this information and experiencing… I want a placement in society, at large, err, mainstream…I must be assessed over a long-term period, before I can be offered, a community placement, for DTB, CBT, UFD exploration, in a community setting, first three days p/w, then 5, with individual T, for a two year period,…and everything else that goes with this…I want this like you want, degrees, careers, relationships, marriages, children, things and stuff, or the return, of all these, people, situations, experiencing, or just for everything to be ok, for one, second, just one, second, of, just, ok…we want it that much… I must be assessed by SS, to decide whether or not, I am safe and suitable, to interact with, never mind be alone with, the 2 children, that I am related too…I am only related to 6, people, on this entire planet! Friends now have child, or children, they grow, I experience them, only through, pictures and FB updates, messages and E-mails…One set of neighbours know, and trust, my situation, so are generous, with, their children, they give me time, to, be and talk, and share, with them…One friend is far, whole continent away, isolated in grief of what can never be… I must be assessed, for my place lawfully, as agent, of my own experience, responsible for my actions, we did, it, whatever it is, comes to be! I experience, my me-ness, but everyone here, is coming along with my decisions, the person writing is ‘united’ I want this, officially, to be recognised…I must earn, this… some basic experiencing, for the collective, err, commonality, is just a concept to me…at this stage of being… What I am, do, have, be, live, now, is this process. I of course, have a ‘past’, but that is what it is, gone, passed… Oh my, what an epic, this has taken many hours, and has proved, a healthy and valuable, part of this process, at this, point in time. If any-one out there actually got to this sentence, from the bottom of my messed up self. I salute, and Thank you. The attention is love, may it return to you, the light that is life. Well Wishes, moonbeambeth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted March 23, 2014 Report Share Posted March 23, 2014 Beth...I believe you will achieve what you want...focus is important Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mousie Posted March 23, 2014 Report Share Posted March 23, 2014 wow moonbeambeth!! thank you for trusting enough to write so much of you here it was fascinating and i smiled many times while reading i can relate to nature in specific ways i have a profound love of clouds sometimes i cry because of their beauty would you say what ufd exploration is please? i have no idea what that means! i'd bet my shoes you are a gifted artist do you draw or paint or make? please forgive me if i missed that you do i find dance and music the most grounding, centering and powerful facilitator of healing i hope your day is going really well for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buzzybee Posted March 23, 2014 Report Share Posted March 23, 2014 ((((((Moonbeam Beth)))))))), courage personified I feel so privilege and honoured to be one of the many people who have read and digested your thread. You have been so brave to open your heart and world to us, to give us insight into you, your loves, experiences etc and your amazing insight into things, that to be quite honest, i wouldn't have a clue about. I share your heightened sense of smell and over developed olfactory experiences (my friends and partner laugh at me because i have a heightened sense of smell and smell things that most people don't)….this is also quite common amongst survivors. Its not always pleasant and can often trigger me and not always for positive reasons. I hear that you have obstacles and assessments to face and I hope that the outcomes are positive. Its positive that you have neighbours who understand and are supportive of you, a must in our healing and moving forward, however small that circle may be, it just takes one person to believe in us and have a genuine heart, to help us move mountains….and move mountains you are and will continue to do so xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted March 23, 2014 Report Share Posted March 23, 2014 Moonbeam. I admire you so much for telling us so many interesting things about yourself. I have to admit that i hardly disclose anything about myself. It's the habit of a lifetime & i am not courageous enough to break the cycle & just share. Thankyou for sharing so much of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted March 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hey there people...Feel the love right back, Thank you, for listening... Steve, nice one, just letting me know you were there, feel blessed... Mousie, Thank you, I united, don't really have creative skills, I build, err, like installations, I create spaces of experiencing...but was inspired by 'seriouskid' and may just, well, give it a go... UFD sorry all the terms, confuse me, I put everything into my own frame of reference! Its further exploration of unconscious family dynamics or its Interpersonal family dynamics, I want to explore these areas more deeply...following on my work with my Dedicated and much loved Trauma Specialist... BuzzyBee, As always, your give is received, Learning to balance this, and just the meeting, opening, bounding with folks out here in the world, I hear, and have learnt from you, to trust, the open or close of more deeper, err, spiritual? aspects of myself... Triggers, yes, oh my yes! Oranges are my constant companions to combat these experiences...I can literally peel an orange in my pocket,lol,..but I keep many aids close, seasonally, Rosemary, Lavender, mint, basil... Hello, dear Braveheart, thank you for being with me, feeling blessed. Yes, sharing and trusting, but I am safe to do so!! Imagine if I had walked into a, err, Pub or party, as me, I would have exposed myself, vulnerable, repelled many, offended many, triggered out all over the place, left myself way to open for, many negatives...you, all of you, are part of my journey to learn! Nice one people, really, well wishes moonbeambeth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gandalftheginge Posted March 25, 2014 Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hey there Beth I really enjoyed reading your post, it must have taken some guts and time to write it. It's really interesting to have an insight into your life like that,you come across as very knowledgeable and wise. I think we have a few interests in common. I've a lot of interest in astronomy and the solar system, I thought Brian Cox's series on the subject were fascinating. I'm also a huge nature lover. I love trying to understand and communicate with animals on some level if possible. I've loved zoo's and aquariums since I was little and still love going to them. I believe having plants close by can be very therapeutic and being out in the wild to. Trees mean a lot to me. Anway, just wanted to drop in Hope I didn't ramble. Take care and thank you for always being so lovely. Ash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted March 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 Oh wow, Hello Ash, everyone that makes it to the end of that post, gets a salute, here is yours! No not rambling, Mr Cox, is my Hero...thank you for mentioning him...I was feeling it was too much to mention trees, but feel free to tell your favorite type, or one, or pictures of them... I have several trees, that I traveled, travel, long distances to, to sit in them...My local people, have just accepted, that this is just what I do...and at my age too!!! Yes it took some, push, and many hours, I now have, touch-typing, as a skill that I will be learning, as all this two finger, pushing, will not work for me... I will start popping up or attaching, some Pic of our solar system if you like... Thank you for your time Ash, Well wishes, moonbeambeth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gandalftheginge Posted March 25, 2014 Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 Sure, that would be lovely. Hmm, trees...I love weeping willows, just seeing them overhanging onto rivers, the feeling that sitting under them would be like having a secret den. It would be amazing to see the giant red woods and also bamboo forests. In videogames and fantasy stories, which I spend a lot of time enjoying, trees are often portrayed as so wise and mysterious and very powerful. Like the Ents from Lord of the Rings and the Deku Tree from Legend of Zelda. They deserve respect but in return offer wisdom and care. Hmmm, I sure am odd sometimes I hope I'm not prying Beth, but I get the feeling you've been through some very tough times and have been tested a lot, Regardless, I'm sorry for any pain you've had to experience and I hope things are improving. You've shown strength coming on here and being so supportive of everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted March 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 Oh my, yes, the Weeping willows, the most beautiful I have seen, were in north Yorkshire, and looked even more beautiful, because they seemed some how, displaced there...The Red woods , through the screen, leave me breathless, with aching...I use these tools to pull me back to the, longing for life sometimes... The Ents, Yes, very much, I have the fact in common, that any...thing...that...needs...saying...takes...a...long...time...to...say Hope the attempt at a joke makes sense, but I don't know what/who Zelda is .... Thank you for acknowledgement of my err, complicated journey, I think every-one here, including yourself knows about pain...now I am going to try to attach to this post, I had help earlier, now will see... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted March 25, 2014 Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 I hope I'm not prying Beth, but I get the feeling you've been through some very tough times and have been tested a lot, Regardless, I'm sorry for any pain you've had to experience and I hope things are improving. You've shown strength coming on here and being so supportive of everyone Well said.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted March 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hey Steve, nice one, I send wishes, that you are negotiating your experiencing and with a smile for something... I have to smile now, my whole life is out there, nothing left, to pry into, but to keep it real...everyone knows, everything about me anyway, after there are records of the structural functioning, of my brain out there, the rest, is learning to balance... well wish from moonbeambeth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mousie Posted March 26, 2014 Report Share Posted March 26, 2014 absolutely delighted that you have a trauma T especially that they're dedicated to you as well good ones in my experience are relatively rare and that you're forging you own path is wonderful I believe that's the main way for me :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted March 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2014 Thank you as ever Mousie, I am truly blessed, the people that helped/help me on this journey are just incredible. Well wishes, moonbeambethxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted March 28, 2014 Report Share Posted March 28, 2014 Wow the weeping willows I absolutely love North Yorkshire, it is the most beautiful place and I visit 3-4 times a year. The clouds too are beautiful and so magical. You are an amazing person Beth, so very interesting. I love nature too, especially the sea....it brings out emotions in me, so very powerful. The planets too!!! again so beautiful and magical xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted March 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2014 Hey Angel tears anyone that makes it to the end, gets a salute, here is yours! Thank you, North Yorkshire yes, very much, I cannot travel to that extent (yet,hmm), but travel there, mentally often... Yes, wonderful, all the things that make us smile inside, this life has got it's pain, but oh my has this planet not got wonder or what!!! Thank you for your time, for being here with me, for sharing and caring... As always, to me you are awesome, well wishes, moonbeambethxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted April 7, 2014 Report Share Posted April 7, 2014 hello and welcome to the forums :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 Hello maddy, everyone that makes it to the end of that post, gets a salute, here is yours Thank you for taking the time with me. Well wishes, moonbeambethx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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