Bpd And Struggling With Relationships?

[riddles]

Hey,

So I'm 25, live in the sunny North of England. Currently in uni, learning guitar, travel as much as I can afford...pretty normal girl on the outside I think!

I have a diagnosis of 'severe' BPD. I've had all sorts of mental health issues in the past but recovered from most of them.

Only thing that really bothers me are relationships with guys. I know the majority of women have issues with them, but it cuts me pretty deep and sends me into a downwards spiral where I question my self-worth, how I look, how I act, what I say, self-respect and all that. Pretty pathetic I think. Anyone else have or had similar issues?

I guess I'm in an OK place otherwise, busy with uni etc. Would be nice to have people to speak to, even for a light hearted, casual chat online.

I don't self-harm anymore, nor do I have an eating disorder. I've been through quite a few things in the past, so I guess I'm here if anyone is still in a dark place and needs support through those things. I've been there, it's horrible, and I'd like to help.

Hope whoever is reading this is alright. Much love x

[buzzybee]

Hi Riddles,

Your post is an incredible and amazing read, and provides a snap shot of where you have come from, what you have achieved and the place where you are now. Really positive stuff and thank you so much for sharing.

I understand the relationship difficulty and all the stuff that comes with it. I am no expert of this, far from it. Although Ive done a great deal of work on myself and in therapy over the years, I consider myself to be a working progress and still face bumps in the road, which pisses me off, but I dust myself down and keep going.

Until recently, the issue of men and relationships has been a constant battle for me. Years of making bad choices, due to life long conditioning and unconscious beliefs, I deviated towards men, that were quite frankly, not very nice people and didn't deserve my time. However, i kept going back for more, all with different faces, from different backgrounds, different styles, different life experiences, but all with one thing in common, they were complete arse holes (sorry if I've offended anyone, just speaking my truth). All these relationships ever did for me was reinforce how crap i felt about myself, so it became a self fulfilling prophecy. if your told often enough that "errm why don't you dye your hair blonde", "why don't you wear less makeup", "why don't you wear more makeup", "why don't you wear more feminine clothes", "why are you so quite", "why are you so shy"…and on and on. You begin to believe that your simply not good enough.

Yes my self esteem was knocked pretty badly and i had almost reached the point of giving up and throwing in the towel and admitting defeat, maybe I wasn't meant to be with anyone, maybe I should simply start to get used to being single and never having a happy ever after. But I would keep looking around at the positive examples i had of "healthy relationships, respectful love" and I kept hold of the faith. I started to use positive visualisation techniques and even purchased a soul mate hypnosis cd off the internet. It just helped me to feel better about myself and also gave me hope and encouraged me not to give up. i didn't give up and although I've kissed many frogs, who were quite simply just frogs, i did eventually meet the one and everything just fell into place.

The first few months were an anxious time for me, as I feared history would repeat itself and i would just end up with an abusive, controlling, nasty piece of work that would leave me shattered and emotionally bruised. but that didn't happen. 12 months on, he's still gentle, loving, kind, caring, compassionate and most of all, my best friend. He doesn't want to change me in any way, other than for me to know that I'm loved.

So, I totally hear your frustrations, how rubbish it leaves you feeling about yourself and how raw this is, but honestly, hand on heart, I strongly 100% believe that there is someone out there for everyone. seek that affirmation from what ever resource you can find (I read loads of books about the subject matter and also books on toxic relationships, just to remind myself what i didn't want again), but for me, the hypnosis cd's really focused me and comforted me and gave me hope.

There are some lovely supportive people on here, who can support you, give fps, suggestions and vice versa, but what ever you do, don't give up on what you deserve and will eventually get x

[ashleigh22]

hi riddles,.. im 23 and also from the north of england!! I've been diagnosed and everything and also had a lot of other issues in the past.. relationship wise I've never been in one, I've had a sexual relationship before but thats all it was and it was on and off for about a year. i was just interested in your post because I'm in this specialist treatment programme for BPD at the moment and they have topics every session and tomorrow its "relationships" and i have no idea what I'm going to say!!

i think because I've never had a relationship it makes me feel ok about it because i don't know what I'm missing however every now and again i see other people and feel like I'm missing out... and also because I've never had a relationship i feel like the longer i leave it the harder it'll be to take the plunge. and then learn to commit.

id love to talk if you fancy it?

[riddles]

Hi Buzzybee,

Thank you for sharing your story. I can honestly say that I relate to everything you said...the bit about meeting assholes, the bit about being told to wear more feminine clothes, and how terrible relationships just reinforce how shit you feel about yourself. It's great to hear that other people are so blatantly honest about these things. Although it saddens me that other people have gone through the same shit, it at least reinforces what my psych says when she tells me I'm not alone. I was beginning to think I was insanely abnormal!

I am so glad that you are in a happy relationship now. I'm trying to focus on building myself up enough that I don't need anyone. I tend to go for very successful, intelligent, super hot men...probably because I feel that they validate my existence if I'm completely honest. Hopefully I won't need that validation, so I'm working on getting to that place.

Again thanks for the reply, I was feeling pretty down when I wrote that introduction and it helps to know that someone, somewhere understands!

Ashleigh, I've messaged you to have a chat so reply when you can

x

[moonbeam beth]

Hello Riddles, just read your introduction, thank you for sharing...

I will look out for you, up here, and try to reply and respond, when I can...

The issues that you raise, make sense, many people here can and will relate to you.

Welcome, and thank you, for sharing you.

Well wishes, moonbeambethxxx

[angel tears]

Hey there and welcome to the forums

It's great that you can offer support to people and it sounds like you have achieved a lot for yourself

I do find relationships hard and they bring out insecurities in me even with my long term partner.

Nice to meet you and see you around xxxx

[maddy harper]

hello and welcome to the forums.

:D

[Jasmineblue]

I just want to say that I have the same issue. I have a boyfriend now but I am in almost constant paranoia that he will leave me or I'm not important enough even though he has given me so much of himself. It's to the point where I dropped out of college now and I'm just trying to find myself and love myself and what true love even is.

I am seeing a therapist now and it's helping but it takes time I suppose. I barely do anything anymore and sometimes my boyfriend makes snide remarks about it. Even though it's small it really hurts.

Sorry to talk about myself too much, this is my first post here and I am excited to communicate with people who could potentially understand me.

Stay strong, these things take time and don't forget to care for yourself and your needs! ♡ I'm up for chatting if you would like as well! That goes for all of you! Take care!