N21 Posted April 13, 2014 Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 So I have never felt so lost and lonely before. I am now 22, finished my university degree and am working. I have limited friends now, and I feel like I just don't fit in anywhere. I have lost my best friend of 10 years because she started to attack me and tell me i'm a horrible person, bringing me down constantly and I just couldn't handle it anymore so i just lost communication with her. Most of my other friends are either at uni or working. I have never been in a serious relationship, and honestly I wouldn't even say a relationship, all of my close friends are in long term relationships or a few are newly single and all they want to do is go out, drink and party. I feel like i'm sick of that, and have out grown out of it, my friend dragged me to a night out last night and I really hated it. I'm really over going out and partying. Last year I went on this whole health kick thing where I went to the gym and got really fit, but its hard to have a social life because I don't really enjoy going out. I have been officially diagnosed with having anxiety disorder and currently on some meds for it. I don't know if me not wanting to go out and do stuff is just my anxiety kicking in and avoiding this but I feel so over it. I don't know how to spend my weekends now, while everyones out partying. my doctor told me to find a hobby, but i'm not good at anything I've realised that I always go out of my way for others and do things (that I don't really want to do) to make others happy...and now i'm miserable. I am ready to meet new people but I just dont' know how to anymore. Sometimes I just want to turn my phone off for a few weeks and just disappear ..i just feel sooo lonely, sad and don't know what to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 13, 2014 Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 Hello, Just like to say, that I heard you. May I extend, congratulations on your academic achievements, sorry that at this time, you cannot connect with the joy and self pride, of your success. It is very sad, that you are without, a close, and old friend, I feel sad with you. I hope, that whatever circumstances and reasons, that has led to your friend, treating you, in such a way, can be explored and understood. Maybe, in some future, honest conversation and exchange, can bring the truth into the light, and help you to know, if you have a friend still... The anxiety that you feel, is shared by myself and so many others on this site, that I hope in time, information proves useful, and you find ways to, slowly overcome, the deeply personal struggles, that currently are holding you back from your full joy and celebration of life, I am sure, like all of us, your place in the world, is waiting for you. Well wishes moonbeambethx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratherin Posted April 13, 2014 Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 Well done for finishing your degree and getting a job hope you are proud of yourself because you should be! I'm sorry your best friend turned on you, but you did the right thing in getting negative people out of your life, must of been hard You don't have to be good at things for it to be a hobby just something you like doing! for me it's reading/gaming/cycling, what about your interests? Sometime it is good to force yourself through the anxiety, and normally it turns out ok. Hope things get better for you!, we are all here for you! feel free to pm me if you need a chat. take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N21 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 Thank you everyone! I have been trying to focus on getting back into the gym but i find my depression and anxiety constantly taking over. My other close friend has been distancing herself from me and now doesn't invite me out which really I wouldn't want to go but i feel so unwanted...im struggling so bad and i've gone back to cutting, which i am so disappointed in myself but i feel good when i do it .. I just want someone in my life who gets me but no ones does Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 26, 2014 Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 Hey there, so very sorry that the depression and confusion overwhelmed you...really I am... There are many people up here in the forum, that really can understand, many of the disturbances and pain that we go through... Did you seek Medical attention? Have you tired, rubber bands on the wrists or ankles, to ping and snap, when you feel this need for out-let... Or holding cold Ice-cubes, or putting your feet in ice cold water, or splashing your face with freezing cold water... Just frantically trying to suggest other ways for you to feel some physical relief from the tension... I have no idea why your friend is distancing, but it may not be personal, sometimes we all need some space from each other... Is it possible for you to invite them to do something with you, rather than wait for them to invite you? I am thinking of you, really would not want you to continue with Sh as the main coping strategy, I know sometimes, it feels like the only way that we have...but really, honestly, there are other ways to feel relief, we all just have to find the one that works for us...keep strong out there...I have faith for you, If I can find ways, you can find ways, I am not so special or smart, this means there is hope for everybody out there... I will think of you today, and really wish I was stronger and could reach you with more, I send thoughts of compassion to you.. MBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted April 26, 2014 Report Share Posted April 26, 2014 Hiya suffering from severe anxiety disorder and aspergers I rarely go out the house, I go to work or to the corner shop for food and apart from that I barely go out, i'm 27 and I've not seen most of my friends in real life for months, most of my best friends are online friends, because i don't feel happy in social situations like pubs or clubs, i sometimes feel completely isolated and alone, often I realize this is by my own choice, I am fairly independent and enjoy being able to do my things in peace, but occasionally i get really lonely and wish I had someone, maybe you can find people online who share similar interests with you and you could make some friends online, it doesn't force you to go outside and if the pressure gets too much you just log off for a bit, I play alot of online games and I love playing with people on those to give myself a bit of social time without the stress of everything outside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N21 Posted May 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 thankyou for writing back! i really appreciate it. i nearly went a week without cutting but last night that changed I feel like i'm addicted now. It calms me down and i enjoy the pain.. how messed up does that sound? I feel like when i'm busy working or at the gym i feel okay, I feel the worst when I'm at home, especially on the weekend. Everyone at work always asks me what I'm doing on the weekend and sometimes I lie because i literally do nothing. I don't get along with my family so I feel sooo lonely. non of my friends ask me to do anything now and my other close friend is still ignoring me and I don't know why. I try soo hard to be a good friend and it always seems to leave me alone. I feel like i'm up to the stage in life I want to meet someone and fall in love, but who would want someone like me. I have absolutely zero confidence and I feel like I just want to die Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 Hi there I am so sorry that you are struggling so much hun, I can really relate with the anxiety and having no confidence. I also used to cut myself for years as it was a way of expressing deep, emotional pain. I understand the addicted feeling that you describe but it feels that way because you are using it as a way to help you if that makes sense???. Have you ever looked in to therapy for your issues?. I had it for 7 years and it really helped me, I even stopped cutting myself and slowly I am working on my confidence xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted May 4, 2014 Report Share Posted May 4, 2014 Oh my, I heard you, I am so sorry for all this saddness and confusion in you... I wish I did not relate, but I can and do, really I do... Hey, we all fall down, we all get lost and give way sometimes, don't give up, one set back does not define you... It does not sound 'messed up' to those that need a physical release from the distress... I really think, that as hard as it is, you like me, may need, a much more rigid approach, to 'staying busy' in some ways, at the weekend...any suggestions may be overwhelming or seem impossible right now...I am not at my best...so for today...just know that you are not alone, not up here, with all of us, and many of us are looking for ways to RELEASE FOR PEACE WITHOUT HARM... Not easy, but you have identified already, some of the situations, and context, that allows this tension to build to explosion...may not feel like it today...but this knowledge, of yourself, will be the main way you WILL start to move slowly again away from the Sh. I agree with you, that thinking about relationships and paring up, at times when we are low, and recovering from the chaos, will only induce, negative feeling, I cannot really think about such things and stay, emotionally balanced, it triggers low self esteem and very low confidence... I can only share, what seems to be a universal truth...loving connection between one person and another is a very mysterious thing, has nothing to do, with how we look, where we work or live, what we have or don't...it is the connection to the 'essence' of another person...When our essence is shining a little brighter, who knows what the future will bring to us... Try not too add more reasons to be upset and low within yourself...for today...may I say... Congratulations for identifying some patterns within yourself, and surviving another day, for coming here to share your truth, and for giving thoughts to what you want and need for the future... Give your self some time and patience on-line friend, start to love you, as you would another person, give to you, all the emotional gives, that you would give to a lover, if they were present with you...may sound silly, but this is like a key, once you know of this key, and you use it, the door that it opens, is beyond any love or beauty, that you can see now inside yourself... but that beauty and care is there inside you.... sorry I cannot write anymore right now...not so strong myself... for now big well wish and hug from MBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted May 6, 2014 Report Share Posted May 6, 2014 I feel like i'm up to the stage in life I want to meet someone and fall in love, but who would want someone like me. I have absolutely zero confidence and I feel like I just want to die There is someone out there for everyone, I totally believe that, I have to believe it, since i'm still looking for the love of my life myself. its easy to fall into the trap because we are the hardest on ourselves, I am learning slowly, the trick is to love yourself first, with so much self hatred it is hard for me, but if I don't love myself nobody else will be able to, I am sure you will make a wonderful partner for someone and that you have lots of love and good qualities to offer. I am sure you will make someone a very happy man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 16, 2014 Report Share Posted May 16, 2014 congrats on your achievement :d Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 18, 2014 Report Share Posted May 18, 2014 i know how you feel being lonely and lost i feel that every day of my life even if i have someone staying with me the lonleness is in the back of my mind i can feel it even when i've people in my house. that's fucked up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basimelhabashy Posted May 19, 2014 Report Share Posted May 19, 2014 Hi.. Congratulations for your degrees. If you are feeling lonely that doesn't mean you will be lonely. Try to do new activities that can keep you busy. stop thinking of one matter only for every time. And be cheerful, if you'll be cheerful to others then every one would like to be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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