Becca95 Posted April 14, 2014 Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 I'm not even sure why. I just don't want to see them, which sounds awful. The only person I will happily go out and meet is my boyfriend. I just feel the need to shut off from everyone and I don't feel part of the 'group' anymore. Since I've been ill, about 2 years ago things just felt different. Now, I think they're getting fed up with me and are ignoring me, I feel like they're all together and Im on my own. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure why I feel like this or anything. I don't understand anything anymore. I feel like such an awful person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 14, 2014 Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 Hey becca, I was just passing through, and I read your post. I am sorry, that you feel so distant and different from your friends at this time of life. I think this goes with the territory for my suffering, I am sure, it is not just you, being an 'awful person', that is causing all this separation, and sad experiencing for you, and those that do care about you. I have lost friends, they don't want, can't handle, or are toxic for, me, as the 'metal health patient'. I have learned, to let this be ok. It hurt a thousand fires at first. I have kept some friends, through, telephone, and Email contact, they are flexible, care about me, and find, lovely ways, to include in, even when, I don't want them too! Many of my friends, had no choice, but to 'go-on' without me, I was/am impossible to make physical contact with, YOU ARE NOT this extreme, but if your close friends have no idea of what you are going through, they may not know how to show you that they care and miss you. Your are not an awful person, you are just going through some complicated stuff at this time of life. I hope that you manage to talk to at least one friend, one is all it takes, to feel part of a friendship again. With thoughts for you, moonbeambethxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becca95 Posted April 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 Thank you Moonbeam Beth. Nobody really understands why Im distancing myself, including myself. It's just all too much at the moment, sorry.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 14, 2014 Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 Hello again, please don't be sorry to me, our exchange, is ok, for me, I am happy, to share with you. Talk to you when you feel stronger. Sometimes, life really is just very confusing, and nothing makes sense for awhile, you really are not alone for this. Thinking of you, bethx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted April 14, 2014 Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 Hi becca I have noticed a pattern in myself when I start avoiding ppl or pushing them away it's a sign I'm struggling and most ppl would say don't push ppl away this is the time you need them. Well I hate to disagree with anyone....and I'm not telling you to do this but for me I cannot accept ppl around me, pushing away is and does work for me....albeit it only works for those friends and family that really care enough to understand your need to do it....and will be still around for when you feel safe to come back. For instance my mum always tells me she knows things,are bad if I'm distancing my self from her.....she says over the years she has tried to help me break this but can not....so she waits patiently in the background and she says that she knows that no matter how long it takes me I will slowly return. I also do this to therapist and she,is understanding now that I need this distance and will not insist on her support because for me it makes me want to run further. I don't even know if this is the same for you. Just wanted to put my reasons here Best wishes Emo xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted April 14, 2014 Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 Hi becca I'm the same as emo it's when I'm struggling and need others that I push them away. I don't have friends as such in rl I have never had I don't trust so it has been impossible I can pass myself though I can say hello how's you but that's it no further . I prefer this way but sometimes it's so lonely it would be so nice to have people to talk too I graduated two yrs ago and my social worker took me shopping for an outfit I felt so pathetic I had no one else to go with me. If u have even one good friend try and hang on to them even just by staying in touch occasionally I know it's hard but that's when we need people the most is when we start pushing them away. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Hello Becca, just your on-line friends checking in to say... How are you today?... Do you have time for virtual coffee?... We know you are confused at this time, and need to feel safe and contained, I understand that only your partner is tolerable at the moment... But getting you, into the habit, of being, confused and out of sorts, with your friend/s, and that just being, ok, to be really you, as you are, at this time, may be good practice... and if, as Emo, you just need your time and space, and your own company is enough and what you need, during this time, I am the same to be honest, I just often need space and time alone! Then this is just ok too... So hoping you join us for virtual coffee today if you have the time, or not if that is the best way for you Well wishes, moonbeambethxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becca95 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Thanks to everyone for replying, I will return and reply properly at some point. Moonbeam Beth, thanks for checking up on me, in fact I'm not great today. I lost it this morning and finally told my parents everything, everything I've struggled with and kept secret from them so I'm feeling a bit numb and raw at the moment. Been crying most of the day and feeling weak. I hope that today has been worth it though and now I've opened up fully I can now receive the help I so desperately need. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 16, 2014 Report Share Posted April 16, 2014 Wow, Becca What an amazingly brave process you have been through...yes, numb, raw and weak, of course my friend, of course I am so sorry, that we are on different 'time zones' as it were, I was, not out here, and cannot be later for you, I really wish I could change that, but my truth is, I must go back 'out-there' to fix my official life, and therapy...so will not be back until Friday... Yes, hard and difficult, but I am sure, that your effort is worth it, as you are worth the love and support that you need... I will think of you, try to be kind to yourself, take care of your needs, for food, and rest, for attempts at distraction and relaxation... Well wishes Becca, I will come back here to you on Friday... Hope you like the use of the emoticons, I feel like you may need a gentle lift...This is the only way I feel I can show you, this thought for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 19, 2014 Report Share Posted April 19, 2014 Becca I have not forgotten you... I waited to see if you would post... I must leave soon... Wanted you to feel my thoughts before I did... Well wishes Dear Brave Becca, moonbeambethxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becca95 Posted April 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2014 Right, I am finally back and ready to reply, sorry it took so long! Emo- Thank you so much for sharing, I understand what you're saying and maybe I am the same. I just prefer to deal with things by myself or with my bf too as we are so close and knows everything. Addy2- Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it. I understand what you're saying.. You shouldn't have felt pathetic, doesn't matter who it is as long as you have someone there for you. x Moonbeam Beth- Thank you so much for all your check ins, it does mean a lot. I can reassure you that I am doing better, I have been to the doctors and she has taken everything more seriously so I am finally being listened to by professionals, for now anyway. I wish you the best of luck with your therapy and 'fixing' things. You deserve the best of things, your a very lovely person. I did like the emoticons, thank you! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 20, 2014 Report Share Posted April 20, 2014 Nice one Becca, this strength of yours is an inspiration... kepp strong keep going..and keep typing when it all falls down... together maybe all of us find new ways to get through our experiences and into the light.. thoughts to you Becca xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becca95 Posted April 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2014 Thank you soo much. Beautiful words I won't forget <3 Hope you're ok, thoughts to you too xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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