MissyC Posted April 14, 2014 Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 I wonder if anyone can offer advice. I'm 23 and a single mum. I feel completely pathetic and useless. My younger sister is starting uni and my parents are so proud its all about here. We have never got on because she sees herself so much better than me. She's completed school perfectly going onto uni etc. something I have never been able to do. I just feel awful and hopeless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 hello there, missyC, I heard you... I am not sure if I can help, but, being someones Mum, is kind of a full time job, when a parent is alone. It is very sad to know that you feel this way, I do not think, this way about you, just because you did not complete a formal education! I did not finish, School or Uni, at your age...These are achievements that if you, really want and need for yourself, you can and will be able, to complete, when you have more practical time to do so, that is if you really want to... My friend with no degree owns a house, my friend with degree, is raising children alone, in housing association property (not that I judge this,but this is true), so who really knows, where all of this life will carry us... Maybe your parents just do not realize, that you are feeling left out, maybe your sister, needs to bolster herself a little by, 'seeing herself as better', some people are just like that, she may do this to others too, but you do not see it... I am concerned for why you feel awful and hopeless, is there something more for you, than your sister, being unkind, and your parents being proud for her achievements..these are reasons to feel awful, but not pathetic and hopeless... I would feel very hurt, if I was not being acknowledged with pride, by family... I really hope that you, connect once again, to your self pride, for raising up your child, for being in this world with full responsibility for another person, this is so much more, than book learning your way through Uni, it is you giving your gift and miracle to the world... maybe out here, you could explore, what it is that you feel you need to gain back for yourself, it may not even be formal education, could be a career in origami or something else equally as random, or it could be just that you need, time as you, not as Mum. I will think of you, hoping that you connect, to your own journey, you are not your sister, you have your own path to take, I hope that you do not stay feeling useless for too long... Well wishes for you, moonbeambethxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Hey there MissyC, How are you today? Well wishes, moonbeambeth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyC Posted April 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Hi I'm ok today we had a nice day visiting friends still feeling down all in all but was an ok day wish I could get over feeling like this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 16, 2014 Report Share Posted April 16, 2014 Hello again MissyC, There are many parents on the forum... Because I do not have children, there are some things, that I can try to imagine, with empathy...but could not really know about.. I know there is a forum here, where the parents here, share information, there are lovely people here...I really hope that you get to connect with some of them.. Well wishes, from me xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 16, 2014 Report Share Posted April 16, 2014 ((((Missy)))) it's horrible trying to live up to a sister. My sister is so brilliant and very academic and my parents are very proud of her. They aren't proud of me because I haven't done anything to be proud of- their words. My teachers were always excited that they had "C's sister" in their class but I never lived up to expectations. She now has a very highly paid job and a massive house. I have no job and live with my parents. My mum says she gets embarrassed when people ask about me. But it must be even worse when you're the older sister. idk quite how it would feel, I can imagine it wouldn't be nice thinking your little sister has somehow got ahead of you, done things before you have. It sounds like it would feel really horrible and unfair. I'm sure there are loads of ways in which you're the better sister. For one thing you don't go around thinking you're better than other people so I like you miles better than your sister just by knowing that much about her. But the people around you kind of set the limits on what's good and what isn't good. It's only their opinion and a lot of people would agree but it's so easy to get sucked into believing the same things as the people around you. I will never own a house or have a good job or have a proper husband but there are some things I have that my sister doesn't. My sister hates people who don't work. I know that getting a job isn't anything like as easy as she imagines and every single person without a job is different, you can't judge anyone on that one fact. That knowledge is something I have and she hasn't despite all her intelligence and for that reason I would never swap places with her because I know so many amazing unemployed people. Have you tried therapy Missy? I have recently started proper therapy for the first time and atm we are working on challenging some of my negative thoughts and beliefs. I've only been doing it for about 2 sessions and we haven't discussed my sister yet but it seems good so far. Maybe you might find that something like that helps you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyC Posted April 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2014 Thanks for the replies! I had therapy however my health visitor referred me to a CPN who have me an appoinent on a day I work. So I phoned and they now said they are discharging me! What am I meant to say to that?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 16, 2014 Report Share Posted April 16, 2014 How annoying! I'm really sorry this has happened to you but unfortunately it's not uncommon. I was discharged a few times before getting my therapist. It was very frustrating and I only went back to them because my GP was so worried and almost begged me but I'm glad she did. I don't think there's anything much you can say to the CMHT but you can go back to your health visitor and ask them to do it again or ask your GP to do it if you feel that might carry more weight. I never actually saw my referrals so I don't know what my GP wrote but for the successful referral she said she was going to write in "very strong terms" explaining that what I wanted and needed was therapy. In my CMHT the cpns do give therapy so going to a cpn won't necessarily be a disadvantage for you but if you can I would ask your health worker to refer you again, making it very clear what you want and need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyC Posted April 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2014 I never asked too she suggested I could do with speaking to someone as struggle someone as I struggle being on the own with my daughter (nothing to do with bpd really just being a single mother really). I don't know really know if this is a bpd issue or a self esteem one. I would just love to have the confidence to do a degree on te side of working and being a mummy. Because that my friends shows real dedication. That's what makes me think it's a self esteem issue you see... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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