Eagleheart Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 I was a mistake. From the moment one of dad's sperm came together with her egg. When she found out she was pregnant with me,she wanted me to die. Abortion was what she wanted. Her perfect little family unit was ruined. By ME. And it continues to this day. People come into my life & soon regret getting to know me."Fucking hell,what a mistake it was making friends with that sad fucking bitch". I plan to put right as much of my shit as possible. After that,i will be going. The mistake will be erased. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 I was a mistake. From the moment one of dad's sperm came together with her egg. When she found out she was pregnant with me,she wanted me to die. Abortion was what she wanted. Her perfect little family unit was ruined. By ME. And it continues to this day. People come into my life & soon regret getting to know me."Fucking hell,what a mistake it was making friends with that sad fucking bitch". I plan to put right as much of my shit as possible. After that,i will be going. The mistake will be erased. You're not a mistake. You came into the world as a new life, regardless of how your parents behaved. I can understand how you would feel unwanted, but you are not unwanted. You have helped me before, and I am sure you help others. You are a valuable asset to society. It's not your fault what your parents thought around your birth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 agree with SW children do not have a choice about being born adults DO have a choice about getting pregnant if anyone was at fault it is THEM BUT BUT BUT BUT because you were born - the world is a richer place never ever let their twisted attitude take your life from you xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 ((((((EagleHeart))))))................You are a beautiful soul, a lovely, lovely, caring and kind person, and this world would be much worse off without you..............You are definitely not a mistake.............please don't believe this...............because it isn't true.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 Eagleheart...listen to your friends here...read their words...it is important Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jelly-bean Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 I feel your pain, I was constantly told things like this I should not have been born, she tried to get rid of me took some pills... things would be so much better for them if I wasn't here .... but I am and so are you, tough on them that we were strong and survived there negativity, We do belong, you always have, your the positives they could never see through all that negative, bitterness, you won't ever tell anyone they don't belong, you won't ever make another soul feel the pain you endured, We will show them what a strong positive force we are, break away from that sadness you are meant to be ... x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 A lot of women in this society cannot cope with being mothers. These unfortunate women act out thier own frustrations on their children, because they are weak. They have been weakened by their own experiences as a child, even if, on the outside, it looks like they had the perfect upbringing. Unfortunately their children, as children do, fully believe their mothers rants of frustration. It wouldn't occur to a child that the mother is really a badly damaged child themselves. So damaged, that the natural mothering instinct is also damaged, whether that child is planned or not. Big respect to those undermothered children who are able to to love themselves, in spite of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted April 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 I cannot thank you all enough.Been stuck in the dungeon of my mind which is set on killing me. I feel myself starting to cut the ties that hold me here.I want to go so badly. I am repulsive.I offend the eyes of those who look on me. I hope i go to hell because thats where they said my dad is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 I cannot thank you all enough.Been stuck in the dungeon of my mind which is set on killing me. I feel myself starting to cut the ties that hold me here.I want to go so badly. I am repulsive.I offend the eyes of those who look on me. I hope i go to hell because thats where they said my dad is. You don't deserve to go to hell and you are not repulsive. That is just your mind playing tricks with you. Someone fed you some bullshit when you were really small and they damaged your bull shit meter, but it can be fixed again so you can see that you are not repulsive and you do have worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 Eagle heart...repulsive...certainly not. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 22, 2014 Report Share Posted April 22, 2014 Eagleheart.... So sorry, that this is where the pain has taken you recently... To me you are beautiful, to me you are survivor... to me, you are the one that must learn to 'live and love' after all the death and Pain... You are nothing to do with the sin and the Hell, The sin is what was inflicted on you, and the hell is what you went through to grow up out here...THAT IS NOT YOU...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL...YOU ARE NOT THE EXPERIENCE...YOU ARE MORE.... My eyes, like to look on you, fills me with compassion and love... My heart, likes to touch yours, fills me with wonder for your strength... Thinking of you Eagle, and I will share a quote from Mr FROMM, some his work is useful to me... " There is nothing more effective in breaking a person than to give them the conviction of wickedness " I share this as the people replying to you can see a deeper truth than you can feel right now, you are none of the feeling that you have right now....Well wishes Dear EagleHeart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted April 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2014 You are all so kind to me.I don't know why,but i am full of gratitude. Something happened recently that fully re-inforced the truth of my repulsiveness.It couldn't have been any more blatant. Once again,any tiny particle of self-worth has been crushed out of me.As if i need more conformation of my hideousity. I am empty.Used up.Sucked dry.Energyless. It is soul destroying to keep taking the punches when they keep on coming,relentless & cruel. I will lay me down & shed this disgusting shell. I am defeated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 22, 2014 Report Share Posted April 22, 2014 I am so sorry that you are feeling this... The repulsiveness, is not inherently you, honestly Eagle-Heart.. If you mean your form your shell, you are not only the shell... If you mean your soul, no repulsiveness inherent, to you... Damage and shame and pain, of the journey Dear EagleHeart...not inside of you, and of yourself.... You are not defeated, you are drawing back, from this harm, and the feelings so awful for you to live with... I am so sorry Eagle, I want to reach through the screen and give you a hug, before you lay down... My compassion is here with you, my thoughts are here with you...MBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted April 22, 2014 Report Share Posted April 22, 2014 Eagle...life can be cruel...to those who least deserve it...for no given reason...stay safe Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted April 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2014 If i am a nice person,why do i keep getting treated like a piece of shit??? It's obviously because i am evil.I was told i was evil by someone a few months ago. I was treated like shit recently. It keeps happening. My hubby found me covered in blood from carving "EVIL" into my arm.So now everyone will see what i am. I hope it will make people leave me alone. Bullies don't care about the damage they do.I've been bullied all my life.WHY???What did i do that was so wrong?????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted April 23, 2014 Report Share Posted April 23, 2014 Eagle...you are not at fault...the bullies are in the wrong. Have you sought hospital treatment for cutting?? Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted April 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2014 Steve- I never ever seek hospital treatment. They cannot be trusted. I take care of any wounds. Thankyou so much for showing concern. It makes me think maybe good people DO exist. Everyone who's remarked on this thread-you are all absolute diamonds. Maybe one day i will find a decent friend but i don't think so. My fate is to be mistreated & deceived & therefore eternally alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted April 23, 2014 Report Share Posted April 23, 2014 ((((EagleHeart)))).............I really wish I could ease your pain just now.............. ........I don't really want to talk about myself in your thread but I can relate so much to how, you, me, and others can take on what other people can say about us......and therefore, we think and feel it must be true !............their expressions of not wanting us here, and the evils and all the like..................little did they know, or think before they spoke these dreadful things how it would affect, the very fruit of life that they brought into this world, and the other people that say these dreadful and very harmful things..........It can be crippling.................I know it doesn't ease anything, and probably it is difficult to believe, but these things are not true...............it says more about them.........It doesn't take away however, and I so hear this, how it has and continues to affect how we feel deep down...........but it is not true (((Eagle)))..........You are special, and I really hope that you will be able to get some comfort from how much people care here, for you..........and want and need you to try to see, that you are a beautiful soul...........and I'm sorry to hear about how you have harmed yourself and as Steve says, I hope you have sought hospital help for the cuttings..........I don't know whether it is appropriate, and I hear that you say it is clear to see, but the reverse spells........LIVE.......please try to see it this way.xxx............Huge huge hugs................Pickles.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted April 23, 2014 Report Share Posted April 23, 2014 Eagle...I agree with Pickles...perhaps now is the time to seek treatment...things can and will change. Please stay safe. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted April 23, 2014 Report Share Posted April 23, 2014 If i am a nice person,why do i keep getting treated like a piece of shit??? It's obviously because i am evil.I was told i was evil by someone a few months ago. I was treated like shit recently. It keeps happening. My hubby found me covered in blood from carving "EVIL" into my arm.So now everyone will see what i am. I hope it will make people leave me alone. Bullies don't care about the damage they do.I've been bullied all my life.WHY???What did i do that was so wrong?????? Hi Eagle You are not a bully, but you get treated badly because you have low self esteem. As someone who has extensive experience with bullies, I know that they are weak people, and when they see someone with low self esteem, they automatically treat that person bad. It doesn't mean they are telling you that you are evil, it means that they are giving you another messsage, and that message is "You don't think very highly of yourself" We unconsciously teach other people how to treat us. If we like ourselves, we teach others to treat us with respect, but if we hate ourselves, we teach them to treat us bad. It's not about you being evil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonbeam beth Posted April 23, 2014 Report Share Posted April 23, 2014 So very sorry, that all the pain and awful experiences lead you to feel to take this action Dear EagleHeart... I can only send my sincere, respect and compassion, for you at this time...wish I could send more to you... I hope you can draw strength and advice from the people here reaching to talk with you... We are not 'there', but we do care, about you and your welfare very much... Thinking of you with love and well wishes to reach you, MBB xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted April 24, 2014 Report Share Posted April 24, 2014 BTW Eagleheart, In my last post, I was not blaming you for teaching people how to treat you. People who are treated badly, and who are left with no self esteem, teach others to treat them bad, but it's un-consciously, so you're not to blame. The ill-treaters are just picking up on the energy that you unknowingly give off, whilst your self esteem is low. If you were to treat yourself like a distressed friend, you would start to like yourself better, and gradually, I think the people who treat you badly would start to read a very different message and that message would be "I'm worthy of respect, look, see how I treat myself, this is how you are to treat me also" I hope that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted April 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2014 Thanks to all who took the time to contribute to this thread.I've found your words so soothing. ((((((((THANKYOU))))))) I have taken time over the past few days to look at myself really long & hard & have found change happening. I will write about this in a new topic.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted April 24, 2014 Report Share Posted April 24, 2014 Good to hear Eagle...well done. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted April 24, 2014 Report Share Posted April 24, 2014 great news x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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