Riverspell Posted May 18, 2014 Report Share Posted May 18, 2014 So I know I haven't been real active. I'm not posting and most certainly haven't finished all those posts I owe (even having them in progress on my computer doesn't make me feel like less of an ass). And yeah, I know all that. That's why I'm posting this. I'm still around. Still checking in, posting where and when I can. When I think I'm not going to actually make something worse. Y'know? Maybe not. No, I'm not leaving but I only thought it fair to say something. Especially with everyone else seemingly vanishing (which is really hard and sad honestly). Life is difficult right now. No, I'm not at a suicidal point but I'm certainly stuck in that self destructive cycle. And I just feel that posting about the whole mess over and over again isn't going to help me. Or any of you. But being in that position means I don't have a lot of gumption or ability to properly contribute to everything without making a huge mess or something. Just been typing up stuff on my computer, kinda like journal entries. Posted one here recently. I have been checking in though. Not every day, but at least every other day. I'm on here several times a week to check in with everyone. Read posts, post where I can, check my messages (usually empty so it's not something I worry too much about), and just generally see how everyone and everything is rolling. My insurance got fucked up again because the healthcare system here sucks. Especially mental healthcare. But we think it's almost fixed. Hopefully then, now that my old clinic has gotten back to me, I can start seeing a therapist and get a psych hopefully sooner than the 3 month minimum they gave me. Then I can actually have a steady blood level on all my medications. Lacking my major mood stabilizer and anti depressant right now and it's helping nothing. But when I start therapy again and such, it should hopefully smooth stuff out and I can get back to actively participating around here. All I ask is for some understanding. That's all. I'm not leaving and most certainly haven't forgotten about you all. Life is just being worse than ever and I'm facing having to separate myself from my entire family and it's wrong and hurts like hell. So, until I'm stable and less likely to be a fuck up I'll be on the sidelines. Please just forgive me for this and understand, that's all I ask. I'll be back to myself in a few weeks. Until then, stay safe and remember that I love you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 18, 2014 Report Share Posted May 18, 2014 i've noticed people vanish from here this place is very transiant i've been a member since may 2012 and lots of people come and go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buzzybee Posted May 18, 2014 Report Share Posted May 18, 2014 Im really sorry to hear that your struggling Riverspell, its really important that your taking notice of what you need right now and thats taking care of you. People do come and go on most forums, in the short time Ive been on here Ive seen a number of people leave, some of whom I do worry about, as we start to develop cyber friendships, one minute they are here, the next they are gone and often when they are really struggling….I just hope in my heart that they are ok. You stay safe Riverspell, I hope your therapy does start soon and that your health insurance gets sorted…I can't even begin to imagine how difficult health care is, as we have it so easy here in the UK. Just take one day at a time x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riverspell Posted June 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 I got in to see a general doctor for my foot. Specifically toe. It's been really infected for a month now so I'm on antibiotics for a week as of Tuesday before they can actually look at it and fix it because it was so bad. However while I was there the doctor also addressed some of my other issues. Like how my cycle is really bad (last one I actually passed out because it was so heavy) and I need a new prescription for birth control (I take it to regulate and control my cycles) so she referred me to an OBGYN. She also gave me a referral to a good mental health clinic under an existing condition and treatment so I should be able to get in there and get a psych sooner than the 3 month at least estimate the other place gave me. Though I should pop in and add an update. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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