nataya Posted May 19, 2014 Report Share Posted May 19, 2014 i need help. i am gripping on with every inch i have to try and find motivation for life. i feel its the same everyday, yes emotions feeling moods and behaviours change but really all in all everything is the same. how do you find motivation for life??? what have you found that helps? i need all the advice i can get i am feeling so desperate and i dont know how much longer i can cope this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantstobenormal Posted May 19, 2014 Report Share Posted May 19, 2014 sometimes it is extremely hard, and nothing feels like it will help but I assure you it will get better, think of one small step you can do to move forward then just write it down, and plan to make a move on it later or even tomorrow, promise yourself you will do it even if its a small step like phoning someone you know or a support line, getting dressed or having a bath if you are struggling with that, even having a small walk in the fresh air, calling the doc for a review or appointment if that's needed. its important to break it down into very small steps and allow yourself to go straight back to whatever you were doing before, be it bed or sitting around, but sometimes I found I wanted to carry on with my little steps afterwards. is your diagnosis new? do you have any support from anywhere? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 19, 2014 Report Share Posted May 19, 2014 hi i try and have a ruteen that i stick to each day even if its boring it still keeps me grounded most of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gandalftheginge Posted May 19, 2014 Report Share Posted May 19, 2014 Hey there Nataya, I know how you feel to an extent. I'm so eager to find a meaning and point to my life. I'm just drifting through life, coasting. It's terrifying. I know how much I could achieve, I mean I think for anyone the possibilities are infinite really. With enough strength and effort you could do whatever you want. However, even though I know that and believe it, I still don't feel any more motivated to achieve much. Just changing the simplest thing in my life feels like such hard work and can cause of a lot stress and worry. Sorry I couldn't really help, but I wanted you to know you're not alone it this. Take care, Ash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nataya Posted May 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 wow thanks for all the kindness are response.... wantstobenormal i do actually have a team that are looking after me at the moment i feel ashamed to say that but its the truth. I have a case manager a psychologist a psychiatrist and a peer mentor. I use them the best i can but i know how much i can say and how much i cant say i know how there rules and system work. sigh =(. I have a diagnosis of BPD but to me i dont really know what that means i am trying to learn but most of what i read is not nice stuff =. i try to be honest with them but it is very hard plus half the time i don't know if i am honest with myself. maddy i try and for a daily routine but its so hard with appointments every were and at the moment i am looking after my partner 100% because he had a knee operation it will prob be a few weeks before we is walking without crutches.. but i find it hard with my partner home all the time and me having to look after him at the moment maybe it will become easier once he is a bit better and can look after himself more. I have found work that i enjoy and that is working with children but i seem to not be able to stay in one spot to long i get bored this job is the longest job i have had. I am still really struggling and i have only a few weeks to try and figure this all out, try and find what i have passion for and what i enjoy and dont enjoy. some days are better than other and today wasnt to bad we did a few things that are moving in the right direction so that is good just depend if it actually happens or not. sory ill stop now i really need to find friend or people i can talk to or something people who understand........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 20, 2014 Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 what a lot on your plate!!! keep posting if it helps we're all here for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantstobenormal Posted May 22, 2014 Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 I'm glad your got some professional support, are you finding it helpful? Why do you mean you know how much you can and can't say? Also how have you been for the last few days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nataya Posted May 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2014 yeah i do find then helpful. i know how much i can say just before they plan to lock you away or what ever it may be i know how much to say just so action wont be taken. last few days have been intresting i guess my 6 year relationship is at the end we really are just waiting till my partners knee gets better then he will be moving out....i dont know how i feel aboit being on my own either its been 6 years with him and the last 2 have had his daughter living here as well. im just try to get by really its all i can do i think.... hope your doing ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 23, 2014 Report Share Posted May 23, 2014 [[[huge hugs nattia]]] sorry your relationship has broken down. we're here when ever you need us. xox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nataya Posted May 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 thanks i feel so low. its like now we arnt even getting along really.....he sleeps when im awake and i sleep when he is awake. we were awake togethwr for a few hours today. but the tention between us is quiet strong. i feel so alone so empty dont know how to fix it either:/:/ i just have to keep myself from crying.... now i dont know what to do what to think i feel like i should tell him to stay and we can work it out. but i never change its always the same in the end. im goin to be so lonley as my partner and his daughter are the old people i see outside of work... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 26, 2014 Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 awww sorry to hear that things didn't go to well when you were both awake... sorry to hear you'll be lonely, i know how horible that is, to feel lonely it s shit!!! but things will get better over time it may not feel like it right now but things will improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nataya Posted May 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 i hope so.......i jusg dont know how we are going to live for the next month or so till he is able to move out.. i jusy feel so empty sad and alone i want it to go away....... im struggling guess i just need to take it day by day::: soo sad:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 26, 2014 Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 just try to stay out of each other's way. I know that's not always possible but try anyway the last thing you need is more tention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantstobenormal Posted May 27, 2014 Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 Sorry I've not been back, things are a little tough for me at the moment. How are you today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nataya Posted May 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 i hope that you are doing a bit better than you have been, you dont need to be sorry i dont except people to reply and specially with such kind warm words. things here have honestly been shit.....we arnt talking at all hardly awake when the other is. and when we are awake rhe tention is horrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantstobenormal Posted May 27, 2014 Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 Well you deserve kind warm words Hun. I'm getting there, it's a slow and lonely road but I know I'll manage it all. How do you feel about going out to escape some of the tension? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted May 27, 2014 Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 Nataya I read your posts and I feel very sad for you. I can't do break ups so I don't even dare to imagine myself in a relationship so that I don't go through the break up. I've been there though and I survived. It will be difficult nataya but hopefully you will find a stability on your own and who knows what is to come next... Sorry, not very good with words when the theme break up comes up :-( That on top of the rest.... keep posting nataya if it helps. Strong hug full of hope and courage. Have some today. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nataya Posted May 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 30, 2014 thanks :-) he has gone away camping by himself this weekend. so i am home alone for the first time in i dont know how long because his daughter will prob be out all weekend like normal. i dont know how to cope with time to myself anymore but i guess this is just a sample of what is to come. i have to go out to dinner tonight for my boss who is leaving i just want to stay home not get dressed and go out :/ ahh well guess here is to my weekend alone and how i cope......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantstobenormal Posted June 6, 2014 Report Share Posted June 6, 2014 How's things? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nataya Posted June 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 Things are ok ish. he has gone away for the weekend again. he plans to look at private rentals but im not sire he has looked yet...... i am scared thisy empty and lonley feeling will get worse when he is gone. but that is prob a while away yet. im jusy holding on and trying to get through each day........ thanks for cheeking in :-) hope your doing ok yourself x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 7, 2014 Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 [[[hugs]]] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantstobenormal Posted June 11, 2014 Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 I just got on the wrong bus and ended up somewhere I didn't know :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nataya Posted June 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2014 ohh dear i am so sorry i hate going places i dont know. i hope you find your way soon. ill be thinking of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GUSCOTT Posted June 12, 2014 Report Share Posted June 12, 2014 Hello Nataya. Guscott here, pleased to meet u! I am a newbie to the forum (couple of weeks). Have read your posts and feel a great sense of empathy for u. It is hard for me to grasp the whole story as I haven't read other people's replies in between so the jigsaw is incomplete. However, people who post at such ridiculous times in the night ;-) (like me), always jump to my attention. You seem to be in the throws of breaking up from your partner - one of the most painful and stressful life events known to mankind. And that's not accounting for the extra complications of mental health issues. I see the rope that tied your rlstp together as now hanging by a few threads. You are in a dilemma. Sounds like u know it's over but your whole self fears abandonment and being alone. My heart pains for u and I extend a hand of comfort. I fear the longer the final days/weeks/months dragging out this ending will further take it's toll on u so I think u need to start planning, organising and try to consider if there are any positives at all from him leaving. I 'have not walked in your shoes' so shall not be crass enough to tell u I understand your fear and pain. However, I have met and been involved with many people in the final months of ending of a rltsp. What I do know, is that sometimes it is actually better to experience fear and loneliness when not in a rlstp than to have a partner living with you but still to feel alone, frightened, powerless and empty. You are an individual, you always were. You are the same kind, generous human being you were before. You are struggling to breath with this terrible weight of real life and emotions at the moment. But please considethat, whilst your rltsp may be over, your life is not. You have just started down a new path on your journey. It may be dark for a while and difficult for u to see the way, fearful there is not a hand to guide you. But I am sure, that darkness will lift slowly and surely and you will begin to find hands extended to you to help you through to a better lit path!!! I find it hard to express my feelings in real practical words and that is why imagery is an easier method for me. It is not used in a religious or even particularly spiritual way. It does not matter where your beliefs belong. You are worthy of a life, love, empathy, company and the power to be alone but not lonely. I hope u see even the v slightest glimmer of light at the end of this rltsp and the diversion in the path of your life. I wish u the v best of luck my friend. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nataya Posted June 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2014 wow thankyou guscott so much of what you have said is true. but today we looked at private rentals and found nothing so its going to be harder for him to move out. did i mention its 3 people living in a one bedroom unit its been that way for 2 years now.......... we have been friendly to each other but that is all. i dont know how i am going to live much longer like this its hard when we are all home. and im not use to having to be responsible for his daughter and all the washing and dishes and mess in this small space its hard!!!!! i still love the guy i am jusy no longer in love with him..... i feel so stupid saying that but its the truth. sigh just have to keep floating until they can move out. and my partner is home everday as he is on compo from an injury so hard to get away........sigh just so tied of all of this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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