Coal Posted May 20, 2014 Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 I know this is bad but I wish that I was anorexic again rather than being a bulimic. I was thinner, was happier with my body although not happy but I don't have the strength to be an anorexic again. I know I should be sorting out the bulimic problem but its every time I eat I have to look for somewhere to purge at least when I did not eat I did not have this problem. Plus my breathe did not smell of sick all the time. I know its selfish sorry. Just I was in control of things now I am not going to ever be in control again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 20, 2014 Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 do you have a c p n or... i managed to beet the perdging finally after 14 years of perdging i went on the contraseptive pill to stop me making my self sick all the time my anorexia is the thing that's taking over my life now so i have gone from 1 extream to another, i cant bloody win!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coal Posted May 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 I am a guy so I don't think the pill is going to be very nice for me to take it. Well done on beating it, but sorry the anorexia thing is back. What I said sounds bad, sorry just I want to be happy with my body as much as I can but I can never find a way of doing it. I guess that is all that we all want but can never seem to get. My CPA is a mess, they wrote most of it for me because I thought it was a waste of time because they were not listening to me.They stopped bothering giving me copies now because I change all the time (BPD) so I guess it is to much paperwork for them or something. I feel guilty for having lunch, so I don't and then when I take my meds I feel so hungry I have to eat something which why it everything gets messed up. I am at a healthy weight, BMI range now, but would like it to be less. It just messed up, overall I guess. I tried not having food in the house but then somehow it seems that I find something to eat and if not then I purge on water. I hate doing it but I know once I have done it then everything is set back to being ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 20, 2014 Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 so sorry you need to perdge to make your self feel all right i'm not happy with my body iether and its not like i look at it in the physical sence of the word, i do it by feel instead as i cant see i still feel really huge even though i'm in a size 6 in waste and 8 in top. guess its my bpd that's warping my self immage even though i don't know what that is really as i have never seen my self its iether that or anna that makes me think i'm disgusting, fat, useless, stupid and ugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coal Posted May 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 I am not sure about women's sizes, sorry. They don't sound like big sizes though, maybe 20 is big but 6 or 8 are don't sound that big at all. Size 8 is only like the third size though and six is the second so I doubt that you need to lose any weight at all. I have to purge during the day because taking medications at night, which won't work with I vomit them up. Sometimes its more about how you feel in size rather than what you look like or what the scales say. BPD is a b!tch, it just messes you up every way it can and it does it all the time. I take it Anna is your alter? Can you stand up to her? I know that is almost impossible but sometimes they need to be put in place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 20, 2014 Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 anna stands for anorexia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coal Posted May 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2014 oh sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 21, 2014 Report Share Posted May 21, 2014 no need to say sorry at all. i'm not offended at all should have said that people here call anorexia anna for short Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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