DaisyChain Posted June 28, 2014 Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 I am so glad that your birthday went well Reglois, I hope that this is the first of many good birthdays to come xxx With love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buzzybee Posted June 28, 2014 Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Reglois, it made me feel really sad when you stated "I don't really blame the professionals here, they just haven't got the experience for some one like me I suppose". Their lack of expertise isn't down to you, your not a freak, you are someone who has been traumatised, that is as a direct result of other peoples (family and deceased husband) abusive behaviour towards you and as a result, you developed coping mechanisms as a way of taking yourself away from the abuse you were subjected to, if not physically, mentally and emotionally….the end result is trauma. I admire your strength and determination for reaching out and voicing your experiences, that isn't someone who is weak, that is a courageous person and a person who deserves to be supported in her healing process. Like Mousie has already stated, allowing those parts of you, who are young, small, vulnerable to play, enjoy play, is really important. I haven't shared this with many people in my life, people don't need to know, but through my therapy I learnt to embrace the play element of my recovery. i purchased dolls, as I had few as a child….the small child part of me loved dressing the dolls, combing their hair, pretend play. And like mouse, i purchased colouring books, crayons, felt tip pens and paints and spent hours colouring in, even outside of the line . A technique which also heaped, was to draw and be creative with my left hand (i'm right handed). I discovered this by reading a book called 'Recovery of your inner chid', by Lucia Capacchione….take a look on Amazon. When I was child I always wanted a girls world (it was a head and shoulders doll, life size, with hair extensions, beads to put in the dolls hair and makeup), I purchased one of those a few years ago, as a method of healing and allowing the child part of me to play….it was great and really did help. Again as Mousie has already stated, EFT is also helpful, so use the link and try this method over and over…I have taught this method to other survivors, when I ran self help groups. Your not alone, please remember that, there are many at different stages of recovery on this forum, but if we just pass on bits of advice, support tips etc, then it helps to support us all. I hope this has given you some comfort x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 28, 2014 Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 just thought i'd pop my head in to see how you were getting on re glois good to see your making friends all ready told you we're a friendly bunch on here didn't i??? :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reglois Posted July 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2014 Hi every one Thank you for being so kind and patient with me. I am only just starting to heal after being free for three years, I know mentally I am strong, had to be to survive, outwit him and protect the kids, which I now realise I didn't do, they are all like me obedient to a fault, scared to say boo to a goose etc, one is already a survivor having managed to get out of an very abusive relationship, the other girl is just starting divorce proceedings after leaving her verbally abusive husband when he was registered as a pedo, she has a daughter by this marriage and he has court awarded access to her and she is forced to come to this country for all school holidays, I don't believe he has ever touched her but still ......................... I hate the fact that he can have her alone over here. His family *allow* me very little access to her, I only live a kilometre away from where she stays as the child knows she can tell me anything and I will believe her and re-act, she told me that the sister was sexually abusing her and I was round there in 2 seconds flat. The sister is now not allowed to be there when she is there. It is such a disgusting family (found out that too late) and I blame myself for my daughter marrying into it, if it weren't for me she would never have met him and would now be at the top of her proffession, she was on her way up when she left GB, still have her own house, pension fund etc, she is now struggling to start her own business, can't go back to what she was doing as it doesn't gel with school hours, in rented accommodation, and he is over here with 8,000 € a month and giving her a measly 250€ towards the childs upkeep, he is living in my daughters house here, she paid for it, and as he has the child here on occasions the court will not order him out!!! urgh I could so scream and commit unspeakable acts against that family, doesn't help me stay calm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mousie Posted July 1, 2014 Report Share Posted July 1, 2014 good grief Reglois what a horrendous thing to contend with and i can totally relate to your feelings. how to tolerate the intolerable... you lay blame at your own feet but... thing is you didn't choose any of this you didn't cause any of this you are blameless all the blame. every ounce. falls at the feet of those that abused you were running on empty, de-resourced, vulnerable outwitted by revolting minds due to being vulnerable (and that isn't the same thing as stupid, which is a common self hating thinking error) just look at your motivators Reglois my experience and understanding of you is that you're driven by love that you care about your kids and their kids none of what happened was your intention you did the best you could given the resources you had what a sick legal system i'm so sorry you're carrying this Reglois but it is really healthy that you've brought this here because your suffering and wounds can be acknowledged and honoured and even though we're dotted around the globe the compassion and desire to support you is real Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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