chrisgarrett Posted August 2, 2014 Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Hi all .. Ok where to start well ive just been diagnosed with bpd and at 40 its a big shock. My life has been turned upside down in the last 12 weeks. ive been married for 4 years and stupidly ive been using apps chat site porn and even acted out on numorous occasions. I have no reason to do this I have the most amazing wife. she beutiful clever and giving me two amazing sons who I love very much. When I was young I had a very troubled childhood. so much abuse in every way, physical mental and also sexual and that with a continued list of crap in my life has lead me to this very lonely life. I got kicked out, crashed on a friends sofa for a few weeks and now am basically living in a shed at the bottom of my parents garden some 300 foot away. I have no key to there house I cant even use the toilet or shower unless they are in. I feel so a lone angry and ashamed at my behavior and above all I feel alone in my life. I am seeking help with therapist and myself and wife are seeking help via a couples therapist as well with hope of reconcilliation but who knows, at the moment I am very alone and so very very scared at what I have just been diagnosed with help chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted August 2, 2014 Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Really sorry to hear of your troubles Chris. I am 41 myself and have some BPD traits. It must be very difficult living in a shed. If you ever want to talk, then you can message me. I am glad you are seeing a therapist. Loneliness is hard emotion to deal with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted August 3, 2014 Report Share Posted August 3, 2014 Hi Chris, welcome to the forums. Your position in life sounds difficult. Yet you have an awesome wife and two boys to care for. Do you feel that the therapist will help you? I wish you all the best. With love. XXX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisgarrett Posted August 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 3, 2014 I truly hope so. This has been going on so long now. So many days ive felt generally hopeless with no reason for it. I clearly recall a time I questioned my sanity. .. am I pocessed am I going mad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted August 4, 2014 Report Share Posted August 4, 2014 Welcome, feel free to start a post with what is troubling you. We do our best to help each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mousie Posted August 4, 2014 Report Share Posted August 4, 2014 hey chris welcome to the forum there is always hope and always a future i've had the privilege of working with people in a similar situation and things take their time but they do change and your wife will grow towards you with what you do rather than what you say that you demonstrate moving away from toxic things and towards living a healthy positive life easier said than done but i've seen many do it and am doing it myself - diagnosed BPD and DID a few years ago and am 51 and folks that have gone through similar have found solace, community and good support through sex addicts anonymous that's not accusing you of anything but its a non judgmental, confidential group of people that get what you're going through you've nothing to lose and everything to gain the more you get to know yourself, your triggers and tune into your higher healthier you life will keep getting better so please have faith in yourself and that you can grow and heal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lapwing Posted August 4, 2014 Report Share Posted August 4, 2014 Hi and welcome - I hope you like it here, it's a good place. Sorry things aint great at the mo... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisgarrett Posted August 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2014 Thanks guys. Its nice to feel that not everyone writes me off by my actions. Yes they were unjust and as ive been told countless times I made the choice I had choices. But its not asnsimple as that. I never chose to feel unloved as a child. I never asked to be abused or raped or even I fact get beaten left right and centre. In fact I didnt ask for alot of crappie stuff thrown at me. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HardeyFromUK Posted September 7, 2014 Report Share Posted September 7, 2014 Welcome Chris. It must be real tuff to find this out at 40. You have been brave to come here and open up. Actually, My BPD was diagnosed many years ago but I only got diagnosed with bipolar alsoa few years ago. I'm turning 40 this month, so... I have an idea of how you could be feeling.I hope you can get something good from this site. Stay strong and good luck. Hardey, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mert Posted September 7, 2014 Report Share Posted September 7, 2014 Soz to hear all this Chris, lots of kind thoughts and hugs to you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silent girl Posted September 7, 2014 Report Share Posted September 7, 2014 Hi Chris, poor you, I have only just been diagnosed at 49, after being told I was bipolar for years. It all makes sense but it looks like a long haul to stop fucking up. Still at least I know now I'm no longer a train wreck or horrid person and that there is something wrong. Sadly I too have just been dumped, my lovely partner just got fed up of my bad days... but it does mean I now am commencing mindfulness training and DBT therapy. Talk to friends and build a support group. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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