hterag Posted August 8, 2014 Report Share Posted August 8, 2014 Hey, good morning/afternoon. So obviously I’m not here because i‘ve just been diagnosed with asthma… Anywho, an introduction is required, so here we go. My name is Gareth, my username is Gareth backwards, genius eh! I’ve had a few issues in life, mostly stemming from psychological trauma but I’d say a lot of it relates to recent happenings too. Not that I blame anyone else for everything, I know I’ve got problems that need looking at. Anywho, to cut a very long story short – sexual abuse as a child, the loss of a child, and being treated like an idiot by my peers who have no idea what I’ve gone through but in their little bubble wrapped lives they’re not able to comprehend anything but cancer, help for heroes or anything blatantly obvious, bless ‘em. I was diagnosed with depression, stress & anxiety years ago but I’ve never really felt that was the case, or at least not the main problem. I married early, had a good relationship for a few years and then it broke down as I started to admit my childhood had effected me so badly. I called it off thinking that I needed to go and live life. So, at the age of 26 I went ape shit and started getting wrecked lots, sleeping with people and then getting wrecked some more. I’ve woken up in strange beds, strange gardens, in the cat basket and so on. I then met someone who seemed really nice. Skipping details, it didn’t go well, at all! After splitting up three years later I lost my home first(she moved back to the rich parents as if nothign ever happendd), then I started skipping work, then I got demands for huge sums of money for loans I didn’t know she’d taken in my name. Similar to when I split up with my wife I went crazy again (I mean acted crazy, not necessarily insane)). I really took the drink and drugs to a new level but I managed to keep my job down, just! I discovered the brief respite I’d get from sleeping with people. I’m no misogynist, but the company was nice. I’d go meet people I’d never met before (wonders of the internet eh), sleep with them and then leave. Sometimes I’d stay the night, mostly I wouldn’t. I literally travelled the country on a sexaphon. Despite the fact that life has been hard, that no one really gets me, I’ve always been blessed with looks (don’t take that as big headed, just my experience with the way people react to me), so I was able to make myself feel better by having sex with incredibly attractive women. Most of which admitted mental health issues quite openly. That’s how I met my girlfriend and ended up with my lovely son, who is healthy, happy and thinks his parents are ‘normal’, just the way we intend to keep it. After my current partner asked me to go see the doctors again I ended up in counselling for the millionth time. Last month i got BPD’d, finally. ..and that’s where I am now. 33, scared, nervous, panicy and no real clue what I need to do to get better but somehow I feel I know myself better. That the way I’ve been isn’t just because I’m odd and don’t fit in. I have a mental health issues. Wooohooo! I can’t help thinking things would be different if I got the diagnosis ten years ago, but hey ho, I’m not Doc Brown, so can’t build time machines. Though Christopher Loyd was in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, so perhaps i'm onto something. Pleased to meet you all. I fully intend to get stuck in here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hterag Posted August 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2014 As a nervous wreck the fact there's no reply is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buzzybee Posted August 10, 2014 Report Share Posted August 10, 2014 hello hterag, Welcome, sorry, I've only just seen your post, so apologies for only just responding. Thank you for sharing you deep and heart felt story, its takes a great deal of courage to open your heart and share such difficult and painful life events, even harder when you only just get a response, sorry. Although I don't have a diagnosis of BPD, i do have a diagnosis of PTSD, which I too am working through via EMDR Therapy and like you, i am also a survivor of childhood abuse, so i completely empathise with your struggles (although I too appreciate that everyone is individual, with their own story to tell). Please don't feel despondent that no one has responded to your message as yet, sometimes things can be a little slow on here, that can be for many reasons, often others may be struggling and may be finding it difficult to respond. I'm on here most days, so even if I'm struggling, or may not have any answers, I will generally say hello Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lapwing Posted August 11, 2014 Report Share Posted August 11, 2014 Hiya, Just to reiterate, sorry for not replying, please don't take it personally - I for example tend to come on mainly during the week.... Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hterag Posted August 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2014 Thanks, it's quite alright. Just noticed everyone else had replies and mine didn't. Instantly sets the mind wandering. Was it something to do with the promiscuous side of the post.. and so on. But then I have, stress, anxiety, depression and BPD, so it's expected! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantstobenormal Posted August 12, 2014 Report Share Posted August 12, 2014 I'm not always the best with words but I wanted to reach out to you as well. You have been extremely brave to post a small breakdown of your life story, and I'm pleased you did as I reckon it has helped you start to process what is going on for you. Maybe you've held it in for a while till now? I also have people in my life that don't fully understand the issues I face (which are dramatically lower since therapy, so grab that with both hands if you're offered it) so it does add to my isolation. I'm sorry you had a rough start in life and I'm sorry that you still struggle now, I hope that you find some peace by posting and getting to know people here. Hope to chat to you soon. In trying to sound polite, helpful and intelligent I have probably come across as an utter asswipe lol, I hope you can see where I'm coming from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hterag Posted August 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2014 I'm not always the best with words but I wanted to reach out to you as well. You have been extremely brave to post a small breakdown of your life story, and I'm pleased you did as I reckon it has helped you start to process what is going on for you. Maybe you've held it in for a while till now? .... Thanks for the reply, it's good to know there's people here to talk to. Similarly, i'm all ears. Out of interest. You post states it was edited, but not by you (or you've changed your forum name). Is that possible here? (Having your post edited by a mod/admin) I find it therapeutic to write stuff down and i'll be posting a slightly larger post soon. It's useful for me to read stuff back, to see it in a block of writing rather than a serious of memories from events that took places sporadically over the last 20 or so years. You haven't come across as an asswipe at all. quite the opposite. Thanks very much. You just made a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantstobenormal Posted August 13, 2014 Report Share Posted August 13, 2014 I've noticed there is always people willing to give advice and support here, I'll be honest and say I find it hard to visit here consistently and have gone missing for big chunks of time over the years (I think something triggers me, that and I usually have 100 others happening at once), I always seem to find my way back though somehow. Yes I had my name changed very recently as I created that other name in 2008 and having been through a lot including therapy I feel it wasn't suiting me anymore. I wish I could write/type loads I just don't have the patience most of the time. It's another thing I want to work on and it's on my list that's the length of my house lol. You say you want to write a longer post? Do you mean like a life story sort of thing? Anyway what's going on in your world today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hterag Posted August 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2014 That's fair enough, signing up to a forum isn't a contract come and go as you please. You don't have to write anything if you don't want Whatever makes your time here useful for you. Not so much a life story. Just a series of events after i turned 30. I won't be writing about childhood issues etc. IT really helps me to see stuff written down and if it helps others relate at the same time then it's a double bonus. Today? Today is okay so far, just arrived at work. I'm on crutches at the moment as i've got a muscular problem in my legs and can't walk very well.. That's about the only negative so far today, though i'm sure i'll find some others. You? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted August 14, 2014 Report Share Posted August 14, 2014 hi and welcome ;d thereare lots of supportive people on here so you've come to the right place... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantstobenormal Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 sorry I didn't return so soon, I have inboxed you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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