Question About Writing A Letter...

[Dice]

Has anyon ever had to write a letter to a professional in their MH team, Saying they do not wish or want to see them again???

As I have just been told I need to do this and unsure of what I am meant to say, Whether it's just straight to the point as " I refuse to see you again or have anything to do with you again... " Or does it have to be put differently and more of a reason to them???...

I got the feeling my CPN wasn't happy at all about this, So wasn't really giving me any help of what I should say or that it is just the line I done and need to do for it???...

I hope this makes sense and someone may be able to point me in the right direction for it...

[Lapwing]

I've never been in this position, so I'm not really sure... but I would think starting with what you feel comfortable with doing might be a good place to begin? I wonder if giving reasons might be helpful, and mean that you're taken more seriously, but perhaps making sure that you keep it brief and factual?

Don't know if that's any help... hopefully someone else has been in this situation and can advise better!

[artemis84]

I agree with Lapwing - I think stating the reasons behind your decision might be useful.

You could also include the fact that you have been asked to write the letter to explain your feelings. (Unless of course the person who told you to write it was the person you want no more to do with!)

I also think factual and to the point is important, again as Lapwing said. You don't want it to turn into a tirade of 'why I hate you'. Maybe try and keep the tone as calm as possible as that way they are more likely to read to the end of the letter and consider your views rather than reacting negatively / defensively.

Sounds like a tricky situation. I hope you are ok.

[Dice]

Thank you Lapwing and Artemis for your replies...

First of Artemis your reply made me laugh about do not want to turn it into " Why I hate you " Letter hahahaha, As that is so me and I want to do that badly hahaha...

Okay so I need to give reasons, But in a professional way :/, This is defo going to be harder than I thought for me... My CPN told me I have to do this for my hopefully very soon to be ex Psychotherapist...

Right I am going to try and write a letter now, Would it be okay if I was to share it on here and if you could point anything out what I might need to take out or even add, If that's not to much bother??? Not to worry if not, It's just I'm truly lost with this o.O...

But thank you again both for your help and replies...

[walker]

best thing

write the rude 'I wish I could say this' - version

then come back to it and edit

take out the 'venom' ha ha

but keep in how they made you feel - even though you may need to tone it down a little!!

it is important they are aware of this - whether or not they care or agree

we have done this lots

usually in a crisis - which is then followed by a 'sorry we don't hate you, we need you' letter

but we did have a cpn once who we refused to see since he made us feel suicidal

so

wrote a whole letter bullet pointing out incidents of things we had said/done - his response - and how it had affected us so negatively

we met him with letter - he put it to one side - we said no read it - he read some then sat back ready to start justifying himself

no no no

we were not having that - so we walked out - bye bye stupid crappy shit cpn!! (didn't actually say that)

you go girl

if they make you feel bad/wrong

you stand up for yourself

[Dice]

Thank you for your reply Walker... Hahahah I do not think my " Rude " Letter can be edited :/, As you can see ;

" I refuse to see you or have anything to do with your again because;

You're lying pathetic fucking cunt arsehole of a knob jockey bitch, Patronising useless piece of shit... You must think you're fucking God or something to even think I trust you a tiny fucking bit after three fucking months... I wouldn't piss on you even if you was on fire to think I fucking trusted you, You having a fucking laugh, You fucking twat...

You follow me out of fucking building every fucking week, I am not 6 years old, I am 26 years old, 2 6 years old!!! You go on about it is safety but it's not my safety!!! Everyone else is allowed to leave the building by themselves and not have a fucking cunt follow them...

You don't even fucking listen to me and it fucking clear by your fucking letter... I told you in the last appointment I was not upset I repeat I was not upset, I was angry frustrated pissed off Irated!!! But still in your fucking letter you use the word upset, are you fucking deaf??? Are you fucking stupid??? Because you don't fucking hear me...

You try patronise me I'm a grown ass fucking woman, Not some little fucking kid!!! Plotting behind my fucking back thinking I'm not going to find out, are you dumb??? Getting my CPN do your dirty works, Fuck you!!!

I will not have people who lie in my fucking care, I will not have people I will not trust in my care either... You're probably make out it's all fucking me, Me me me me and you'll be the innocent one... Which is not the fucking case!!! I already fucking know your doing this because of how my CPN was with me!!!

You would speak to me like a piece of shit and say that I need to go out more, If you have ever read about me and listened to me, You would know it's not that fucking easy and most the time I'm safe indoors then fucking out, you cunt...

I will not see your face again because you know why, I want to fucking rip your face off and beat your fucking poll, even having to look at the fucking letter that you sent me makes me even more fucking angry!!! I'd Happily beat the shit out of you, serve some fucking time then come back out!!!

Funny how you get to spoke to my CPN before me when I'm the cunt who needed to hear from her and she was even funny with me when we spoke and I am sure it's because of you and what you have said to her... Try setting a meeting with me my CPN and you hahahahaha, Fuck off!!! Not on my life will that happen!!!...

If this costs me my MH team, Well really only my CPN as my Pdoc is a cunt too, Then so be... I refuse to see someone like you any more I'm not doing it, If it means doing it all by myself, Bitch will find a fucking way somehow... As I won't stand for it or put up with it...

Why should I be made to feel like I'm in the wrong??? I can't help how I feel, and pretty sure many people out there don't like lairs!!! Why do I have to put up with it???

I have my CPN I can't pick and choose, I'm not picking and I'm not choosing!!! Why should I have to see someone when they lie I don't trust them and the patronise me??? When you cannot help me because I'm not going to speak to you or open up to you... When you told me you spoke with my CPN, you said two things then you said that was all you spoke about, which was a lie...

Your plan worked!!! Now I'm fucked... So be it, I won't stand for... "

It's kinda you got to start again without all that stuff in... This is defo not something erm I'm not thinking lightly about it has to be done, As she is defo not for me after what she has said and done... Even thought I was told we would have a three months re-view and been there three months now and it wasn't done and was said At the start if we feel it's not right or not helping then it would stop and I'll be put on the defer waiting list... Argh sorry... I know already she has tried to justify herself and make me look the bad one, also having to write a bloody letter, Feels like they are testing me and having a laugh at me still...

[walker]

hmmmmmmmmmmm

maybe one or two edits needed there !!!!!!!!

however the overall impression is

she has made you feel intensely angry as she has not been completely open and honest with you

as a result

you cannot trust her

fair enough

we have had many such run-ins

and when these people lie to cover themselves it MAKES OUR BLOOD BOIL

only the other week we sent a text to support worker telling her how we hate fking liars and that her boss is one because of something she claimed

we are so sad for you, though

that it has made this violent rage inside you - especially because we know when we feel like that, its us that get physically hurt - we take it out on us

so we hope you can stay safe in all this

you have a right to feel angry

you have a right for people to be honest with you

you have a right to walk away from them if they are making you feel worse/not helping

we just need to give you a punch bag

[Christine001]

Honest truth, sounds like transference to me and if you can worth staying with her ....l wish I could have x

[lonelyheartemma]

It is bad the way they have all treated you. I'm not completely sure what my post is all about, kind of a weird mix of responding and trying to show that I think I understand and talking about myself (which is probably irrelevant).

In order to get the most from therapy you need to trust your therapists and that's impossible when they tell go back on their word all the time.

they can't really help you unless they've heard what you've said and if they start telling you what you said and they're just wrong it shows they haven't listened which means they haven't done their job.

Following you out of the building is insulting and also unnecessary- another sign that they haven't seen you as you are which means they can't see what needs you have. It also doesn't make a lot of sense that they'd encourage you to go out and then do something that could be seen to suggest you're in some way not fit to be out in public.

Of course online is different to offline but it seems like you're not someone who has trouble putting your thoughts into words. You say exactly what you think and your meaning is very clear. But they have still misunderstood.

Some people do use the word 'upset' when they mean 'angry' which is fine in normal conversation but in therapy when emotions are so important and there's a big difference between one and the other you do want them to get the emotion right. With me it's actually usually the other way round, I'll say 'upset' and they'll translate it to 'angry' which is wrong because I have trouble feeling anger about things that happen to me. In my experience some therapists won't listen but others think it's very important to be accurate about my feelings and take note of the words I actually use and not put words- or emotions- into my mouth. These are the therapists I'm more inclined to trust, the ones who listen and show they've listened. The ones who respond to me and not some other person they seem to be seeing in my place.

A lot of people do seem to tell you one thing, like 'if this happens then we can do this' then when the situation arises they don't do what they said. I think they just want to reassure us at the beginning and make us feel safe which is a good aim to have. But it's dangerous to tell lies for any reason. They can get found out and once someone knows you're capable of lying it makes you doubt everything they say and you can't trust someone in those circumstances. Also if you've been led to expect something and then suddenly something else happens that's the kind of thing a lot of people with mh problems have trouble dealing with.

Apparently leaving the house can be helpful for a lot of people but that doesn't mean it helps everyone and just because something is helpful it doesn't mean it's easy, sometimes it's impossible. I don't know why a mental health worker wouldn't know this but it's true that a lot of them don't seem to. My cmht say I've "got" to phone an emergency number if I'm in crisis. But if I'm in crisis there's no way I can use a phone (not forgetting that the person who causes most of my crises always listens to me when I talk on the phone so she can grade me) but the thing is we're not all individuals and a lot of their suggestions just aren't realistic for a lot of people with mental health conditions. I'm sure a lot of them mean well but in the end it still doesn't help.

I don't know why they're making you write a letter. I'm sure if you didn't write the letter and didn't attend appointments they would probably discharge you, that would happen at my CMHT and I think a lot of others.

[Christine001]

Hi Dice, sorry if I was blunt. Hope you are ok, have sent some angry letters and emails myself to psychiatrists and therapists, so I admire that you are trying to send something constructive. x

[walker]

thing is

transference often comes into these things in some way

BUT

therapist KNOW this and should make allowances and show understanding

so dice

we are wondering how you are with this

xx

[Dice]

Can I just ask what you both mean by transference??? I think I am more than likely being thick as shit but I just do not understand what your meaning or what it means??? :/ ... I tried to google it but that confused me...

I will reply better hopefully tomorrow or something, The mind is too mushed to answer and stuff right now, Sorry...

[Christine001]

Simply the anger you feel to the therapist is because she represents someone or some people in your past life. She may make mistakes but you are determined to use these mistakes or how you think she is being to push her away. That's therapy really its shit hurts we mistrust, get angry blame them want to leave you name it. Its tough.

[Dice]

Ah okay I get you now, She defo does not represent of someone or people from my past... That's not why I feel this way, I have always been the same with anyone who lies to me, You lie and I find out you're fucked, I won't ever go back there or anything like that...

( Okay an ex of mine lied a lot and I stuck around for as long as I could but always knew they could never be trusted or I would not believe anything they said to me... )

I can honestly say I can count the number of women who have been in my world on my hand that I want to beat the fucking shit out of them, Comparing that to men, Shows me I'm truly done with them women and no way of going back there... That's with even me always saying women are safe with me, So I know, Maybe it is about people lying to me but aren't most people like that, Well okay not to how I flip out; I get that, But could not go back there as no trust would ever be there, Once you found out someone lied to you???...

I do not know if I am making sense??? I should not try and force it out of me, When I'm like this ha, Sorry but thank you for explaining it to me... I will get back to the other replies hopefully tomorrow...

[Christine001]

Thinking about transference a bit more and it doesn't have to be a whole person a man or woman just some trait or experience that reminds you of something. So your reaction to someone, anyone lying to you is very strong so she might represent that, sometime or someone who wasn't honest, let you down, failed to be sensitive or caring to you. Maybe this time actually going back to her and tell her she lied and let you down, and let her know what you think andbe angry with her ( maybe not beat her up, though I imagine you might have a worry you will be out of control) would be a way forward. A step forward, I think this is really important really important even though its incredibly hard. xxxx If not hopefully you can talk about not the deed of lying but the reactions and feelings you have around it with your CPN. If I am going too far here tell me as I really want to help and not make things worse.

[walker]

agree with Christine re. learning from it as your reaction to people who lie to you

we have major problem with people lying to us too

it just seems to burn a hole in our head like instant rage

[Dice]

Emma thank you for your reply... I do get what your saying about using the word " Upset " When they mean " Angry " But I promise you this, I made it very clear to her that I wasn't upset at all and very much angry/pissed off you know, It just proved another more thing about her anyway...

" I don't know why they're making you write a letter. I'm sure if you didn't write the letter and didn't attend appointments they would probably discharge you, that would happen at my CMHT and I think a lot of others. "

See this is way I cannot be allowed to get discharged from not going to appointments or not calling to cancel them, I can say this now as I kinda understand why I was told to write a letter( After a few calls with my CPN and checking with the receptionist at the place I went to see this person ) ... As it's not like I want to be discharged from them BUT it's the case I do not want to see this lady again and have asked and willing to start seeing a new female one, If they can do that for me...

So am I right to say it's kinda like a trigger??? Would be classed as or am I totally on the wrong path here :/??? I do not appreciate anyone whom lies and for one they always get found out sooner or later and I want to beat the shit out of them... Sadly it's not just the lies with her, It is other things too, I have never really been comfortable with her in the short time I was seeing her...

Maybe I jumped too fast for other people views on it??? Maybe they think I very much over reacted??? Maybe just maybe they wish it was them seeing someone after fighting for it like I had too for all these years??? I sent my letter on Friday and she got it on Monday morning, ( I know that as I had to ring up to cancel the appointment still ) ... I kept it short and nice??? Only spoke about lies and not listening to me, as I won't say anymore as I do not want to ruin my chance of being able to see someone else and I said that too...

She wanted to have a meeting with me and my CPN to try and sort it out and I fused point blank, That's how strong I feel about it and yes I may have fucked everything up but I'd rather say something then see someone I will never trust or like...

I am sorry, I am going on here about shit what no one needs to know sorry, Ignore me...

And sorry I am just getting back to you all, My head is finally allowing me to speak better or whatever I mean...

P.s; You aren't going to far or anything Christine...

P.p.s; " it just seems to burn a hole in our head like instant rage " YES!!! Totally fucking know and understand and get that very much Walker!!!...

Thank you both for taking time to reply to me on this!!!...

[Threemoons]

You don't have to apologize for anything, Dice. As you said, you kept your letter polite and respectful. That's what was important. I hope she gets what you meant and that you can see another therapist. A better one, hopefully. Sending you hugs and love.