Data Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 I am employed by a university to do advanced computer programming within a company that does engineering design. I have my own 3 year project which I am about 9 months into. Before I did this, I did a programming job which wasn't so good and was miles away from my family home for a year, and before that I did a PhD. I am 41 years old. I have my own project to develop artificial intelligence techniques and incorporate them into the company's software project. I hate my job. It may be interesting, but its stressful. I am really struggling with it. You'd think that with my education I'd welcome a mental challenge, but I am really struggling, and not in a nice way. My wife thinks I need to look around for other jobs. Its really hard though, I live in a very low tech area with very few software jobs and that is why in 2013 I had to work 130 miles away and rent a second home. I only saw my wife and children on weekends. They are not prepared to move as it would mean the kinds changing school. The reason why I don't like my job is because I don't feel they give me enough support, and that I am pressurised by the management, and that I really don't get on with my supervisor. The supervisor is a programmer based in the engineering company who has worked there for 20 years. My line manager is a professor at the university who is based 280 miles away. The stress is making it hard for me to diet (I am obese), control my drinking (I often have too much on an evening) and its affecting my relationships with my family. Often I spend hours on an evening hiding with my headphones on, I just don't want to speak to anyone. It is a vicious circle. When I get stressed I can't concentrate and make poor decisions and it slows progress at work and then I get more stressed...... They are not aware of my history of mental health problems. I had to use my mental health as a disability to get more support at the university and I don't want to do it here. I find my supervisor to be negative, picky, impatient and very difficult to communicate with. I really resent his attitude. I think he has lost confidence in my ability. He thinks he could do things better and faster himself. Realistically, my options are: Stay there and hope it improves. Thats what I've done so far. It may get better, but its shown no signs so far. Work extra hours on top of the 37 a week so that I get everything done quickly. But realistically I HATE what I am doing, so I resent giving up my spare time, which I need to help me relax. £27000 a year isn't a bad salary but its poor for a 41 year old man with a PhD. Get another job. That will be difficult. Go off sick. I am reaching the point where I may have to do this as I am struggling to function. However, I've just had a 2 week holiday and that didn't help! And if I am off sick I will be at home and my wife will wind me up. The only advantage of this is that it may force them into playing nicer with me. See a doctor. They have told me there isn't much they can do for environmental stress. However, I think its more complex than environmental stress, I have poor relationship and stress management skills. But I still don't think there is anything a doctor can do. I have no pdoc nowadays. Seek help from my manager. I am going to do that, although I don't know what she can do. The biggest problem with getting another job will be explaining why I want to change jobs, when I am 9 months into what looks like - on paper - the perfect job for me. I have changed jobs a lot in the past and promise myself I wouldn't do it. Also, what I do is governed by such a strict confidentiality agreement that I can't really tell prospective employers what I am doing at the moment, they are very secretive. If I got a new job I could get something closer to home, my current job is 30 miles away, but in my field I think saying that is why i want to move would be viewed as quite strange. I think I'm going to draft an email to the professor saying how things are. I did that about 4 months ago and she intervened and we had a meeting and things got better for a bit. She is my line manager so she needs to know if things are going badly. However, whatever I say can't be unsaid. I am worried sick . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted August 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 This is what I am thinking of emailling to the prof: Hi E, I feel I ought to make you aware of the fact that the project has hit difficulties. The relationship between P and I seems to have deteriorated. I find him very hard to get on with; he has a very different style of working to me. We had a very difficult discussion today. I am very frustrated with the lack of progress in the project. Whether this is due to a lack of ability on my part or the inherent difficulty of the project I am not qualified to say. The is having a negative effect on my mental health and family life and gone far past the point where it is affecting my work. I am not sure what can be done about this as if I was to be given more support it would have to come from Paul and we really aren’t getting on. The poor relationship with P and the levels of stress I am feeling are serious threats to the project. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Data Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr potato Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 I think you have chosen the academic path in programming. That is one where there is supposed to be more job satisfaction but less well paid. It is a safe job, on the positive side, and it will look great on the CV. I have heard of people doing academic assignments where they are struggling with everything. It sometimes helps to do something completely different for a while (if you can). Perhaps a new hobby may help you take your mind off things. The other thing I can suggest is to lease out your skills on elance or freelancer.com - it could be a money spinner. All the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lapwing Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 Hi Data I can understand in part how you're feeling, although my situation is somewhat different work-wise. I going to say something which is very much 'do as I say, not as I do' and remind you that there is more to life than work, and you need to do what is best for you.... I don't know what that is for you, but your draft email seems a good place to start.... Take care x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 The email looks good to me. I think you are doing well to still be able to look at things logically considering all the stress you are under. I have no experience in your field of work so am not sure what to suggest about looking for another job but maybe if you get to have a meeting with the professor you can come clean and say that it is affecting you that much that you are considering looking elsewhere. I think your next move might well depend on the response you get from the email. I'm sorry you are struggling so much, I hope you can get some relief from it soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted August 29, 2014 Report Share Posted August 29, 2014 Hi Data. I'm very sorry that your work is not satisfying you, and furthermore is getting you sick. I think you're under a lot of stress and it's slowly killing your health. Do send the email, it looks fine to me. I believe you need some support from your manager or the professor. Also see your doctor if you can, you may not see what he can do for you but I bet he'd have some wise words. I don't know if working from home would be an option for you, maybe worth asking it? As at home you can be more relaxed and concentrated. Say it's for the best of the project. I hope you get a helpful answer, please take good care of yourself. Friendly hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted September 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2014 I think you have chosen the academic path in programming. That is one where there is supposed to be more job satisfaction but less well paid. It is a safe job, on the positive side, and it will look great on the CV. I have heard of people doing academic assignments where they are struggling with everything. It sometimes helps to do something completely different for a while (if you can). Perhaps a new hobby may help you take your mind off things. The other thing I can suggest is to lease out your skills on elance or freelancer.com - it could be a money spinner. All the best Potatoes, I don't think the job is safe. It feels like I am on the edge of cracking up, which doesn't normally mean high job security! I will take a look at that freelancer site, thanks. Hi Data I can understand in part how you're feeling, although my situation is somewhat different work-wise. I going to say something which is very much 'do as I say, not as I do' and remind you that there is more to life than work, and you need to do what is best for you.... I don't know what that is for you, but your draft email seems a good place to start.... Take care x Thanks Lapwing. I spend the evenings mostly trying to forget work, I am so wound up on an evening and its really affecting my family life. I don't know how to confine work to work . The email looks good to me. I think you are doing well to still be able to look at things logically considering all the stress you are under. I have no experience in your field of work so am not sure what to suggest about looking for another job but maybe if you get to have a meeting with the professor you can come clean and say that it is affecting you that much that you are considering looking elsewhere. I think your next move might well depend on the response you get from the email. I'm sorry you are struggling so much, I hope you can get some relief from it soon. I didn't end up sending the email, I sent one which focussed more on the technical problems and only briefly mentioned the stress. I am going to see how it goes for the next week before deciding whether to send it. Hi Data. I'm very sorry that your work is not satisfying you, and furthermore is getting you sick. I think you're under a lot of stress and it's slowly killing your health. Do send the email, it looks fine to me. I believe you need some support from your manager or the professor. Also see your doctor if you can, you may not see what he can do for you but I bet he'd have some wise words. I don't know if working from home would be an option for you, maybe worth asking it? As at home you can be more relaxed and concentrated. Say it's for the best of the project. I hope you get a helpful answer, please take good care of yourself. Friendly hug. The professor has given me a little more support this week, which has been good. I can't see how the doctor can help, Threemoons. They have already said as much. They really don't like people working from home; several do it in my department but they are all people who have been there for some years. The new software director wants people in the office. Unfortunately working from home is only one day a month or less, for personal/family emergencies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr potato Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Hi Data: I think you have time. I used to program computers too. Often I would make jokes to relieve the tension. Just to get through the day. Sometimes it helps go to back to basics, but I am sure you know already. I do think it helps to kick back, forget about work for a while - if the cord is stretched - you can loosen it too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted September 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 I think you have time. Time for what?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr potato Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 I think you have time. Time for what?? Sorry - you don't understand me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 Hi Data As you know I have suffered from stress at work. I was referred to an occupational psychologist at MIND....they helped loads with the WRAP programme which helps you deal exactly with the problems you are struggling with. You could contact your local mind directly. Alternatively you could come clean about your stress and ask to speak to HR but I understand why you wouldn't want to do this. I hope things get better for you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted September 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 Hi Data As you know I have suffered from stress at work. I was referred to an occupational psychologist at MIND....they helped loads with the WRAP programme which helps you deal exactly with the problems you are struggling with. You could contact your local mind directly. Alternatively you could come clean about your stress and ask to speak to HR but I understand why you wouldn't want to do this. I hope things get better for you xxx I am glad that programme helped you, I'll see if it is available in my area, thanks. Or the other option is I could hypnotise myself with your avatar Starry . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basimelhabashy Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 i think so you can decide which field you have interested . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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