Dibaby Posted September 12, 2014 Report Share Posted September 12, 2014 Hi guys, this is my first post, I was dx with bpd, OCD and depression and anxiety 3 years ago. All my family think I'm doing ok but inside I feel so lost and lonely, I lye in bed at night and think over and over how I would end it all but what I really want is to hurt myself, I always feel better after overdosing or cutting, I just can't see an end in sight but I can't say to my family because they will turn on me for being stupid. I'm just so empty but where do I turn? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distracted Posted September 12, 2014 Report Share Posted September 12, 2014 Hi dibaby, welcome to the forum. Here is a good place to start! The boards have been a bit quiet lately so don't be disheartened if you don't get quick replies. People will come forward when they can. I'm sorry you are finding things difficult right now and that you feel you can't turn to your family. Do you have any close friends you could talk to? Or perhaps if you feel unsafe maybe a crisis team in your area? I hope you feel a little better xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibaby Posted September 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Hi distracted, I told my husband today after a very bad night, he is angry with me and even said he can't take another episode of me going off the rails, the kids know something is up and I've been snapping at them all day which just makes my hubby more angry with me, it's a vicious circle. I have thought about taking an overdose, I just got my tablets moved from daily dispensing to weekly and my hubby said he will have to get it moved back on Monday. I just want to cry, I want to crawl into a ball and never wake up, I wish I had a razor so I could cut as it would help me right now, I just need a release. This is all coming out wrong, my mind is racing, I just want to sleep forever. :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 I could have written this I'm so sorry you are feeling this way it's exactly how I feel today. I get my meds weekly but sometimes have to miss a day cause I can't get them that day as I would take them all been resisting the urge to cut as well it's hard to know what to do isn't it. Stay strong and hugs xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mert Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Hey get u totally.. I also feel like this...it's crap... Got my meds weekly.. Please be kind to yourself you are really an ok person... And hopefully deep down you know that.....lots of warm thoughts xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distracted Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Hey dibaby, I'm sorry things didn't go too well with your husband. Your husband may just be upset, my other half always gets angry when he is deeply upset/scared by something. Try not to think of him and how he feels just now. You need to concentrate on you. Is there anyone else who might be able to give you some support? A friend/family member? Crisis team? Be kind to yourself if you can. Stay safe and keep posting xxxx hugs xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibaby Posted September 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Addy and mert I'm sorry you feel like this, it's an awful way to be. Hi distracted, things escalated last night very quick and soon I was screaming at him, I was out of control and he wanted me out of our house, I ended up taking on overdose, not enough to kill myself as I didn't have enough but enough to knock myself out for 14 hours. I rang lifeline but all they wanted me to do was phone the home treatment team, I don't have a good record with them, they are nasty and one time when I told them I was suicidal they told me to go ahead! Things have calmed down today but I'm so exhausted from the overdose, hubby isn't talking to me and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. I wish I had of stockpiled my meds so I wouldn't be here today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distracted Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Hey dibaby xx sending you lots of hugs xx I'm sorry things are so stressful for you right now. And I'm sorry things were so bad you felt like od was the only way out. I have no real advice but I am here if you want to talk. I'll keep checking back as much as I can. I hope you are safe just now. Be kind to yourself if you can xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mert Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Xxxxxxxx that's all I can offer please stay safe... It will get better xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibaby Posted September 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2014 Things are a bit better today, i slept a lot yesterday and last night so i feel a bit more relaxed today. i just hope it stays this way as i can swap from being so happy to being suicidal in a matter of minutes depending on what has been said to me. I often questioned whether i was bpd at all or whether it was bi polar but i have been assured its bpd. it doesnt really matter anyway because im still the same no matter what the diagnosis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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