Shinyshine Posted September 25, 2014 Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 I've been trying to get out and enjoy new places and meet people for a few years now. I sometimes manage it and it goes OK, but I'm very nervous and it makes the whole thing less enjoyable. I usually feel like the people I meet don't like me and will reject me. I'm hypersensitive to it. I live with my best friend and a guy that's just moved in. He's always going out and I feel jealous of his social life, but also that he looks down on me as a shut-in, which can't be true but I still feel it. I also feel I can't spend all my time with my friend, as it makes us have arguments and I feel lonely. However, although I have many places I would like to go, I feel so unable to. I keep thinking people won't like me, the worst will happen, and people will look on me as a failure. I'm so sick of staying in on my own, but also sick of feeling this way! Does anyone have advice? Do you feel this way too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted September 26, 2014 Report Share Posted September 26, 2014 Hi Shine. I used to feel like you and I'm still very isolated socially. I've no miracle solution but working toward a goal to accept yourself and who you are is a key. Have you ever worked on what your strengths and weaknesses are? I think it could be a good first step. Do you have any passion in life? If yes, you could use it to socialize, for example going to an expo or a museum and mixing with the other people in. Do it step by step, no too big challenges on the fresh. Do you shop your food? These are ideas to explore. I wish you courage and very enjoyable results. Keep trying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted September 26, 2014 Report Share Posted September 26, 2014 i know how your feeling as my anxiety gets in the way and ruins my life also your not alone in this... hope that's a comfort to know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinyshine Posted September 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 29, 2014 Ohhhhh this gets worse and worse. I tried to go to a student night at a rock climbing centre, but it was horrible. I was so anxious I couldn't speak to anyone, I tried to approach one girl who I thought was a beginner like me but then she spoke to someone else. Everybody was in groups and I ended up crying in the toilet. I came out and tried to talk to someone but they didn't want to talk. There was a really attractive girl there too, which I found intimidating. I had to leave because I felt so sick and I couldn't go back in my house at first because my housemates would ask how it was. Eventually I came in and said I didn't want to talk about it twice. Then a friend of my housemate asked again and I couldn't take it so I left the room and they all laughed at me. I don't ever want to leave my room again. Everything went so wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted September 30, 2014 Report Share Posted September 30, 2014 Ah, I'm sorry Shine, at least there's a comfort in knowing that going there was a challenge and you took it so you must be very brave. I hate crying in the toilets so I feel for you. I really can see that you tried and this is what matters. Those who laughed at you are stupid useless ignorants, don't waste your energy thinking about them. They truly have no idea what you live daily. Hugs again from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinyshine Posted September 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2014 I've spent all day in my room but at least I've eaten and showered, and not done anything actively harmful to myself. My best friend came up and told me I couldn't just stay in a mood all day and not talk to anyone, but she was talking time like I was a kid and loud enough that my other housemate could hear, so I felt embarrassed and anxious. She doesn't get that talking is exactly the problem! And they both laughed at me last night, so how am I meant to feel about that? After a bit I texted her that I was sorry but talking was my problem and I didn't think she would get it. She says she would and I should tell her, but I don't wanna. Anyway, I was meant to be going out with her and the girl who was deliberately baiting me last night, so I am definitely not doing that. Every second I spend locked in here makes me look like more of a basket case and a child, but it makes it harder to leave, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted September 30, 2014 Report Share Posted September 30, 2014 I totally get your last sentence, every time I get out of the room to breath I think I look stupid but it's harder to move back in. I wish I had a magic answer for this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 1, 2014 Report Share Posted October 1, 2014 I think you're right not to go out with them. People do say getting out is good for you but why would you want to go out with someone who was horrible to you the last time you saw them? That kind of thing doesn't help you to enjoy yourself and one problem with going out is that it's public and you can't really clear the air even if you both want to. It might give you the appearance of a social life which is all some people want but that's not necessarily enough to make anyone happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinyshine Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Thanks for the replies guys, I went to a sport event the other day, and although I found it very stressful at least I turned up. I was clenching my fists a lot and there's always a huddle at the end of each game. Those made me feel a bit dizzy and I concentrated on the floor because I felt like I couldn't escape. I also realised how much I worry about tiny things. I honestly got stressed out about how I'd put my arm round someone's shoulders in the huddle, I thought everyone was staring and judging me for it. My head's been a bit of a mess and I forgot to see my T, but I have an appt for next week to talk to this. I hope there aren't too many people outside the office though, it makes me clam up and get anxious! How ironic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted October 4, 2014 Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Hey, well done for turning up to the sport event! I hope your appointment next week goes well. Keep up the good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinyshine Posted October 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2014 My session with my T today went well, we spoke about everything. I'm meant to be working in accepting myself more as my homework. Not made it to social things so far but I still think things are going a bit better than last week. Thanks for all the replies guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted October 8, 2014 Report Share Posted October 8, 2014 I'm pleased that things seem to go forward for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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