Ratherin Posted October 4, 2014 Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Always know that my suicidal mood is going to swing round at some point, up down up down.. but never prepared for the shitty emotions it brings been crying so much my head hurts now, eugh so lonely, barely any friends, no social life, no confidence, no job... sat in my room 95% of the time, sigh nothing helpssss, people think there has to be something wrong, or something has to happen for my mood to change. nooooo it does it on it's own, not even control of my own mind, yay, insanity! just venting, hurt, why am I not used to it after all this years, need to man up, feel so drained as well now.. what else does life want to throw at me? bricks? that would be nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted October 4, 2014 Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 You are not alone in how you are feeling. I totally relate to what you're experiencing. I have no true friends. I too am alone most of the time. I can handle it most of the time but sometimes feel as if i am the only human on the whole planet. I hope you can ride the wave of emotion & keep safe. PM me if you need a chat.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted October 4, 2014 Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Having the same problems here too, Ratherin. I even think it's more than 95% of the time. Let's say 98 if I'm honest. Still there if you need to talk or vent. I don't have any wise advice but at least know that you're not alone in feeling like you're feeling. Love and hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distracted Posted October 5, 2014 Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Hugs ratherin. I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now, you are not alone, everyone here will support and care for you xx take care xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 5, 2014 Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 (((((Ratherin))))) You don't always need a reason for the mood swings. Depression is partly a chemical thing and chemical imbalances can happen without something triggering it. It's not in your control, most physical things happening in your body aren't but it's not insanity. But in a way I think something has happened. The feelings of being lonely and unconfident and the facts of having no social life and no job are obviously things that have been going on for a long time and of course it's always there and it's not something you feel happy about it but there are times when you become extra aware of it and the awareness is so sharp and in a way it is a new pain because more time has passed and you don't have the things you want or feel you ought to have. You do have friends on here though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratherin Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Thank you for the replys, in a way it's nice to know people relate, but in another way, I wish you didn't cause it sucks doesn't it People moan at me about not having a job.. I don't even know if I will be able to cope with one, but no one cares about that... i'd rather feel better than have a job, but it's all money money money I can cope with it all sometimes... I say cope, I still feel shitty, but not crying etc, all the nice people I meet are online lol meh I am just existing not living.. and existing in pain.. I hope all of you are feeling better than me today x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted October 5, 2014 Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Hey. I don't have a job either and I'm not sure I'll be able to cope with one. This thought is depressing. I need to work to feel useful to society and also for the money. Currently passing basic tests to go into a professional formation again. I hope it won't go over the same disastrous cycle again. So to say you're not alone at this stage of life. I understand the feeling of only existing rather than living. Keep swimming in the surface, things will eventually click. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted October 5, 2014 Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Sorry to hear you are feeling so low Ratherin I often wonder what causes my moods to change like the weather too. But in the end I always come down to the same answer - it's just the way BPD is. I can't explain why I feel so desperately sad completely out of the blue or what makes me impulsive when I have seemed so calm previously. I know this doesn't help with the pain you are feeling but at least know it is not your fault that you can't explain it and neither should you feel compelled to either. Also, yes we are all friends online but we are real people behind the internet too remember! Hope you have a better day tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratherin Posted October 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Meh I feel like I did something wrong to end up like this.. just my opinion for myself :/ Aye I know you are real and I appreciate it, but it's still a lot different than talking irl and getting a real hug etc but then I just drive people away from me anyway! hope you are ok Artemis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 No, you did nothing wrong, it's just bad luck that you grew up with BPD. More hugs to you dear Ratherin, I hope today was an okay day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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