Panic

[walker]

stupid stupid me

thought that anxiety was mostly gone and we were in control of the world

ha bloody ha

so at 6am we take the dog out - its raining and we have raincoat on

which is great of course

only when we get in we cant undo it

it got a bit stuck yesterday but was then fine

today we could not undo it

did it up to our chin trying to unstick it but then had to force it down those few inches from our throat

it wouldn't budge

we only managed a few seconds before we had to tear it off over our head - and even that scared us in case it got stuck

and such relief when we knew it was coming off and we could chuck it on the floor

if we hadn't we would have cut it up to get out

the fear was awful

the pushing against something that just would not give

we were actually shaking and had to take med to help us calm down when we got in

ffs

a zip sticks and we are in meltdown

even writing about it is scary because if it had got stuck while we were taking it off we wouldn't have been able to do anything - except run to neighbour and get her up to help

pathetic

we are so fking pathetic

like a stupid child

but a child stuck would probably have an adult to help

and we were a child stuck and we didnt

sorry for the post

just thought people here would understand

now we have to face wearing it again

and our head is even saying we should carry scissors just in case - ffs - how many people walk around with a pair of scissors in their pocket in case their coat gets stuck!!

[PDBPD]

Walker...you did get your rain coat off...please don't be so critical of yourself

Steve

[walker]

indeed

but ffs

a woman in her 50's shaking and nearly in tears because of a stuck zip

we tried SO hard to calm the inside down but for them it was blind panic

trapped

no escape

no way out ever

we kept saying inside our head it will be ok but it was drowned out by fear

[Kitsune]

Walker it's ok, an adult would have that pang of fear if they got their coat stuck. My bf can't have anything round his neck at all and sometimes it freaks him out if he has to wear certain clothing. You got out of the coat, and as you said if you couldn't you would have gone to your friend to get them to help get you out or you would have got some scissors and got yourself out- that's an adult thing to do- problem solving. It's ok to have freaked out a bit- perhaps it brought up some memories for you and that's why the fear escalated so much?

Be gentle with yourself, perhaps don't button it all the way up next time and just wear a scarf or something to cover the top? xx

[artemis84]

I think maybe you need to focus less on the fact that it was your coat getting stuck that was the problem and more on the fact that you had an acute anxiety attack. It doesn't matter what triggered it - the coat aspect is just making you feel worse because you see it as something so trivial and 'easy', that you 'should' be able to cope with.

In reality you had an attack of anxiety that felt all consuming. It was terrifying, as these things are, and left you feeling trapped and useless. BUT, you overcame it, it passed and you are ok - that is a sign of strength not one of being pathetic.

I totally get that the coat seems important and I totally understand the fear - I have had the same thing in a shop dressing room when I could not for the life of me get the dress I was trying on, off. I went into blind panic, got hot, felt faint etc etc.

You are probably right about the child inside feeling stuck but having no help. And that is why you need to soothe her and reassure her, not tell her she is pathetic and useless.

All of which is easier said than done, I know.

[Threemoons]

Walker, my dear, it's all okay now, you're out of the coat and everything is fine. Take some deep breathes and see you've faced it. You were terrified and ashamed as every of us are when in a panic but you did get out. You say you had no one to help but I'm convinced that your neighbor would have happily helped. It's over now, you can comfort the kids inside you and have a nice treat to settle things down. And I don't find the idea of wearing scissors ridiculous, I have wearing one pair myself in the past though for a different reason. Everything's fine now. I find the idea of wearing a scarf instead of zipping it all the way up is a good idea. Hugs to you, my sweet Walker.

[PDBPD]

Walker...I didn't think your age is relevant...panic attacks happen at any age

Steve

[walker]

well thank you

all

for being so understanding

we feel like such a d**k

and sadly, whatever you say - we KNOW we are a failure - that we can no longer live a 'normal' life

we had begun to think maybe we could

but no

[Threemoons]

No, you're not a failure, I don't believe it. To me you seem most educated and kind. Can't you see yourself for what you truly are? And I also believe that a normal life is still possible for you. We'll never be 100% cured so there will be blips but a better life is possible, as close to normal as possible. Please don't lose hope. I'm sending you love.

[walker]

thank you threemoons

I did or used to have what we be called 'normal'

eventually training and working full time for a few years

even learning to drive

pretending to be a 'real' person

but its all a lie

couldn't be sustained

there is not enough 'grown up' inside

I think I DO see the true 'selves' - in so far as no one else seems to know what we really are

[Threemoons]

You're a real person to me. You know, I also lied to myself. Went to university and acted as if I was the sanest person in the world. Got caught up by the illness and resulted in some ugly mess. I should never have gone, it was an awesome experience but also a waste of time. I learnt to drive but have really difficulties driving in town, don't know how it is for you? For us it's the contrary: we have only one child inside, the three others are grown-up and it doesn't help more. Take care.

[maddy harper]

huge hugs walker. I know how anxiety feels. I have to cope with that on a daily basis. Just one of the parts of bpd struggle. Hope this post makes sence.