Humblegrub Posted October 11, 2014 Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 I haven't been on here for a few.months as things have gotten really bad. I'm alot more depressed and well yea just not in a great place. I have my bf who is amazing. but I can't help but feel alone. I gave up posting on here as people barely replied ( don't get Me wrong I get the reasons for not replying like being in a bad place yourselves or just not having anything to say) it's just it hurts it really hurts I told a friend last night that I was going to run away three weeks ago because I was very very on edge and suicidal and I didn't even get an acknowledgement of the cry for help I was obviously making. I barely ever ask for help but I'm really on a fucking knifes edge right now. I've begun strangling myself again as it feels better than cutting which does nothing. I just I need a break I need help and no one seems to be helping or able to help. My bf is suffering too through his own major problems so right now I have to be strong I just I feel like I'm failing everyone as I'm not strong enough I just want to hide Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hold_on Posted October 11, 2014 Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 Sorry to hear you're in a bad way Humblegrub. I'm sure everyone here can relate to still feeling miserable despite a supportive partner. Are you talking to a doctor about how you feel and are you taking any medication? With some meds to help you feel better and the support of your partner things can get better if you can work through your issues. I'm sure everyone would like to help if you tell them a little bit about why you're so low and maybe people with specific experience of issues similar to yours will chime in? You don't have to feel alone though. We're here to listen if you'll let us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Humblegrub Posted October 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 Thank you for replying Itd be easier to read back on my past posts. Yes I'm on 2 lots antidepressants and sleeping tablets and lorazepam. I mainly suffer with bpd and self harm. I've sunk into a low depression recently well In the last few.months I think I'm bipolar of sorts now as well. I'm on physcatrists books and recently finished cbt and am awaiting date to.begin a new therapy next year. I've just had enough of selfish people mainly. People who don't care. I don't know what's brought on this depression but it's the worst on yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hold_on Posted October 11, 2014 Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 Do you know the events in your life which have lead to your issues or are there things in your life or toxic relationships contributing to your mood? Sometimes talking about these things can help. If your meds aren't working right now would you be willing to tell your doctor that and that you really need help? Can you do anything to distract yourself from your current depression a bit, maybe play a video game or watch a funny TV programme to try to break the mental cycle of depression for a while? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Humblegrub Posted October 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 yea i know of some of the events, in a nutshell its abuse and my work place, and also bpd. ive talked done therapy on and off for 15 years, im just waiting for this new group therapy. the dr is fully aware but theyve already played around wi hmy medication so much this year that theyre reluctant to change it anymore the next step is an add on anti physcotic. i do distract myself constantly, its the onyl reason im still here, i had 4 breakdowns this year already and i reaf a 5th before the years up as i cannot afford to lose my job even though they are trying to change things to supposedly help me, when all theyre really doing is covering their arses. anyway i digress. like i say i do try and break the cycle im very aware of breaking the cycle due to my CBT therapy but unfotunatly at the minute nothing helps the only thing that would help is getting away form my daily life. rah sorry i guess ive kinda rambled a load of shit. what im trying to say is im very aware of the things that are meant to be able to help and i mindfully try them, its just nothing does, NOTHING! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hold_on Posted October 11, 2014 Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 It does sound like you've covered all the usual bases there. I'd recommend adding that antipsychotic into the mix. Quetiapine changed my life. You might be a little anxious over how they'll affect you. I was before I started taking them, but let's face it, it sounds like the only way is up from here, as it was for me. Some stuff I didn't even know wasn't normal turned out to be helped by an antipsychotic and it keeps my mood more balanced. It's worth a shot right? I know how it feels to feel like you're alone with a problem but there are many of us here who have maybe wrestled with similar problems and it feels like it'll never get better. It can get better, you just need the right meds to help you feel better while you work on the issues in therapy and make changes to your life for the better. Please keep talking though, maybe it'll help you think through things if you think about them to write about them. I know it helps me to talk about things. What are you going to do with the weekend? Feel free to respond in a pm if you'd rather talk there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Humblegrub Posted October 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 Yea I am scared of going on them. I'm working a late shift tonight then having my 30th birthday party tomorrow. Smile and all that jazz . Sorry I'm not saying alot I'd things it's just hard. I truely don't see things improving for me health wise anymore. I truly am at the end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hold_on Posted October 11, 2014 Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 I imagine working late shifts could be difficult on an antipsychotic. The one I'm on does do a pretty good job of sedating me but if you sleep later maybe you could still take it before going to bed. You deserve to try all possibilities before even thinking about giving up. Come on what do you have to lose? Imagine if you can instead of that empty sad feeling inside, a warmer feeling of content where you can relax and your default feeling is ok rather than empty and sad. Granted my problems were different to yours but that's what difference an antipsychotic made for me. You deserve the chance of happiness. Who's throwing your 30th party for you? It sounds like you have people that care about you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted October 11, 2014 Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 Hi Humblegrub, sorry you're feeling so alone and down. I'm willing to listen to you if it can help. Will there be a lot of people on your birthday party? It's great that someone organized it as he or she must care for you but I understand the lack of motivation to smile and play the happy face while you don't feel happy. I'm also sorry that nothing seems to help lift your mood. Please continue trying and distracting as something might surprise you and help by the end of the day. I send you a lot of hugs and love, dear Humble. Keep holding on, things will get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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