My Own Experiences

[Bry1989]

Hi all,

I'm a new member and a first time poster. I've found myself self diagnosing and thought I may have any one of avoidant personality disorder, dependent personality disorder and social anxiety disorder. I understand that it is not appropriate or even possible to diagnose a condition online I thought I would post a thread about my circumstances to see what those with more experience on these issues think.

I'm a 24 year old male with a job, I have a group of friends (although I wonder how valued I am by some of them) of whom I am the quietest - especially in the context of a large group. For as long as I can remember I've been shy, but I'm starting to wonder if there is perhaps more to it.

I have a great fear of what others think of me. I try to avoid confrontation and arguments at all cost but I find myself obsessing over these situations for days on end when they occur. I worry about the consequences of my actions and find myself concentrating on the worst possible outcomes.

My need to be liked and to be as friendly and polite as possible to everyone feels over the top. If I think someone dislikes me I dwell on it. Doesn't matter all that much if they irrelevant in my daily life, it will invariably get me down. Especially if I feel I have been misunderstood or am the wronged party. I crave approval and if someone validates me it will be the highlight of my day and vice versa. I think my fear of rejection is linked to this. Although I have a girlfriend, I have always had a hard time with the opposite sex. I always found it nigh on impossible to approach a girl growing up without being reasonably certain she would reciprocate my feelings.

Generally I find myself able to interact perfectly well with people on a one on one or small group basis. So I generally don't have that many problems getting on with others and forming cordial relationships, this has probably been helped since it is always my goal. It's not always been a bad thing, at high school awards I won the "nicest" award (yes we had those type of awards!) but I am very critical of myself. I find it hard to look in mirrors even though I obsess over my appearance and I constantly worry about being boring or offensive.

Don't know if it is evident from this post but I also feel like I have a lot of self pitty. Maybe it's self loathing. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, really not sure.

Not been able to fit these points elsewhere in the post but I should probably say that I don't have any problem visiting busy places, indeed I'm often the one who suggests we should go to nightclubs etc and I have no problem going on the dance floor with friends. I have no urges to hurt myself or anyone else.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and to the creators of this site for giving me somewhere to vent. I wondered if others have experienced similar symptoms or know people who have and I would be grateful for there contributions.

[hold_on]

Hi Bry,

I recognise myself in a lot of what you're saying. Like you I crave validation and dislike conflict and used to feel that if someone had a problem with me it would be the end of the world. Like you I am extremely self critical.

Often I find that as guys we don't really have any support around us that we can talk to about these things and so they usually get repressed and fester below the surface until they come to a head in an episode of crisis like a breakdown.

My diagnosis is one of anxiety, depression and paranoia and meds are helping greatly. It might be worth talking to your doctor about getting some help. Once you're on meds it can be easier to address aspects that you otherwise don't have the emotional stability to address. Conflicts don't feel like the end of the world, and everyone out there is not plotting against you. You're free to be calm and relaxed about life.

Also I find keeping a mood diary about how you're feeling and what you're doing at the time and how that impacts how you feel is helpful in understanding. I use an App for it as I've never had the persistence to do it on paper. The app prompts you to check in every so often so you don't forget. Might be something to consider if you'd like greater insight into how you're feeling.

Whatever you decide I've found that it's a good thing to let these feelings out. I understand myself better for talking (or typing) my way through feelings. When you're typing out an explanation it sometimes makes you think deeper than you do otherwise about why you feel how you feel and I find this helps.

[maddy harper]

I am my own worst critic when it comes to every day situations or writing/playing my instruments. I am very hard on my self. maybe i should learn to be kinder too my self and not give my self to much of a hard time. easyer said than done though.