detroitguy Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 I know this is a serious question that we all face especially since our lives are so difficult already. I elected not to have children because I found it so difficult just taking care of myself. I read a few articles about this and attached one link below:http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/parentingchildwithmentalillness/2012/03/should-people-with-mental-illness-have-children/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 honestly don't think a mh diagnosis prohibits anything - any more than any other disability - or 'problem' anyone can end up in difficulties even the richest most physically able and mentally sound person - who decides to have children - could find themselves in a position of not coping circumstances change I had children I thank god I did they have no doubt made things tough sometimes but it is the greatest thing I have EVER done in my life and many times they are what keeps me going I didn't know I had mh 'issues' until after I had the children didn't know that what I was experiencing was depression/anxiety/bpd didn't know that the rest of the world didn't feel like I did yes I have fkd many things up and my issues - and crap marriage - have contributed to the problems my children have BUT they have done many things already, with their lives achieved many things enhanced many lives CERTAINLY enhanced mine beyond all measure having children is a choice for most of us - and it goes way beyond any diagnosis we may have bringing new life into the world is one of the most awesome things anyone can do it is incredibly hard work emotionally draining, and something that never ever goes away, even if we die, or they die, its a personal choice something we will never regret Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Mind say that a quarter of the population have mental health issues at some time, its pretty common. I think as long as you are mindful of the effect your problems have on your children, and you are able to put the children's needs first most of the time, then its ok to have kids. Some people with mental health problems and personality disorders are unable to give the children the environment they need, though . This Be The Verse BY PHILIP LARKIN They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 well as I have spent the last week trying to get any statutory or charity service to help me with the care of my children because of my depression then I guess the issue is if you do run into problems you might not get help from our wonderful society or in some cases their help seems to be heavy handed. So it isn't just about a adults decision to become a parent but do we want to live in a society where only the so called healthy are supported to have kids??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Having kids is hard work...I know several people who have not had kids because they didn't want to...no illness or addiction reasons. I think it is an individual's choice... Mental illness doesn't mean you can't parent well...and most of us here know that people without mental illness can treat their kids badly enough to cause problems for the rest of their lives Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 I think anybody MH issues or others issues or no issues should very carefully think about kids before they have them. Ask oneself can I give that child what it needs; financially, emotionally, practically etc. MH issues can but dont have to complicate things it really depends on particular issues/symptoms and how they would affect parenting. I think in general there needs to be more education for everyone issues or not about how to be a good parent, about what children need etc.So they can make a better infored decision, a realistic one and are also better prepared. And there should be more good help out there for those that need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 There are some wonderful loving parents on this site and some crap parents who apparently have no mh problems at all. There definitely shouldn't be any kind of law to say that we can't or shouldn't. It's unfair to discriminate like that, to suggest that we're in some way incapable or unfit and it also suggests the idea of punishment for people with mh problems who do end up having kids which is definitely a problem when you can become pregnant by accident- there's no 100% method of contraception and there is a strong bias against adoption and especially abortion. I don't want to comment on right and wrong because that's a whole different subject but it's not just the couple's personal views and feelings that are relevant. Maybe it should be but your family and friends are going to have opinions and it's difficult if not impossible to get away from that. There are no perfect conditions for bringing up children anyway, every child is different and every environment is different because the parents are individuals too. I agree with Lily that (accidents aside) it is a big step to take and should be taken very carefully but that's true for everyone, not just people with mh problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth_strikes_again Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 I don't think having a mental illness necessarily means you shouldn't have children, it depends on how it affects you. I personally would never have children because I'm too ill but I'm sure some people with mental illnesses make better parents than others who don't have mental illnesses - if you know what I'm trying to say..? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 I agree Bigmouth.. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitsune Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Data that reminds me of the rebuttal poem by Adrian Mitchell- They tuck you up, your mum and dad They read you Peter Rabbit, too. They give you all the treats they had And add some extra, just for you. They were tucked up when they were small, (Pink perfume, blue tobacco-smoke), By those whose kiss healed any fall, Whose laughter doubled any joke. Man hands on happiness to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. So love your parents all you can And have some cheerful kids yourself. I agree with Lily that anyone needs to think before they have kids. Mh problems don't make a bad parent at all, as long as parents try to be aware of what their own issues are and adapt to those and always try to do what is best for their child then that's all you can ask for! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Well said Kitsune Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted October 20, 2014 Report Share Posted October 20, 2014 I have six kids they are the only reason I am alive and functioning I got pregnant at 16 and had my second at 20. I was dx with anxiety and panic disorder when I was 18 but not dx with Bpd until I was 34 after all my kids were born. They I've me reason and focus I never want them to have the childhood I did so I am the opposite to my mother everything she did I do the opposite, my eldest just graduated uni in the summer my 18yr old yr passed his a levels and is now doing a degree my 15 yr old is at a top grammar school so is my 11 yr old and my two youngest are at primary school. I don't believe that mh issues should affect how we parent I know people who are crap parents and don't have mh issues and I know people with Bpd who have their kids away two people in my dbt group did I struggle with that I really do but everyone is different but I know my kids are the only reason I function and being a mother is the one identity and part of me that I know is real and is strong. In saying that i am not perfect far from it but my kids know I love them and am always there for them I can only do my best we all can only do our best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenwing Posted November 5, 2014 Report Share Posted November 5, 2014 I have two kids and I am thankful every day that I have them. They are the only thing in my fucked up life that I know I have done a good job with. They are both autistic and I worship them. When my black dog is barking at my heels and I feel like I might go under, the one thing that helps me hang on and focus is them. I know some so called parents that are not fit to have kids and treat their kids like crap. My kids are loved and treated so well. Even my Psychiatrist (who has met both my kids) has praised me for raising two well mannered, healthy young men. I think any person should think long and hard about whether they want to have children or not. It is a massive commitment and one that should not be taken lightly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon5 Posted November 5, 2014 Report Share Posted November 5, 2014 I have made the awful decision to let my daughter 12 live with her dad. Awful because I will miss her. But its best for the time being. Feeling so sad today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenwing Posted November 5, 2014 Report Share Posted November 5, 2014 Big (((hugs))) for you.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dice Posted November 5, 2014 Report Share Posted November 5, 2014 They are so many different levels of Mental health, For a Question like this to be asked in someways... Speaking about myself; I came to a point within myself that I'd never have babies for reasons... I know it's for my own good and more so for a baby of mine if I had one, I'm still young in the eyes of having a baby but having my own will never happen even in years to come when maybe I'd be a lot more stable... I'm lucky enough to be allowed to be an auntie to my nieces... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted November 5, 2014 Report Share Posted November 5, 2014 (((((bluemoon))))) that much be such a hard decision. You're very brave. You put your child first and no one can ask more of you than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted November 5, 2014 Report Share Posted November 5, 2014 Three of my sons have autism and like toy ravenwing they are my focus my life all my kids are and your right everyone needs to really think about it before they have kids. Hugs bluemoon xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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