Can't Talk About It

[Shinyshine]

Been feeling bad again, I'm worried the depression is back and not just for a day or two. I can't tell anyone in my family so that's out.

I live with my best friend but to be honest I'm not sure she's that interested in knowing about it. Been obviously a bit upset but she hasn't asked why, one of her friends asked if I was OK (to my friend, I'd left the room and could hear it) but nothing from my 'best' friend.

Its sort of a pattern with her, she has a friend who's been obviously suffering from depression and she was there for them, but had to tell them to back off as they were asking too much from her and were not willing to help themselves. Maybe she's worried I'll do the same?

She also runs away from emotional issues herself, so perhaps she's thinking I'll get better if she just ignores the fact I'm upset. Its not like she can understand, or is even really willing to. I tried explaining how my anxiety makes me feel, but she later demeaned it and made me feel awful by saying I don't have real MH issues, just 'a bit of anxiety'.

Its horrible, its like she doesn't even care that much.

[artemis84]

I'm sorry to hear how you're stuck in that situation, it does sound really horrible.

I think you are probably right in saying that your friend may be scared of you becoming 'too dependent' like her other friend did. And also, if she doesn't deal with emotions herself I think she probably is hoping if she ignores your emotions they will go away too.

I know how much it hurts to have someone invalidate your problems, there is nothing so painful as hearing someone say 'oh, you only have a bit of..... get over it'. It has taken me a long time to be able to realise it but all a comment like that does is highlight how little the person knows about mental health and how naive they are.

I can imagine how lonely you feel with all of this and I wish I knew what the answer was. The thing is, if people really aren't interested, there is no point in wasting your energy in trying to make them. I think, if you can, it may be better to focus on giving yourself the compassion you so dearly want from others, that way you won't be disappointed by people's reactions and you will be getting some love and care.

Also, keep posting on here - we won't invalidate you.

Hope you have had a manageable weekend. xx

[Shinyshine]

Thank you so much for your reply,

i am feeling much better now, and I hope that's here to stay.

I think she must just not understand and not know how to deal with my problems. It makes me annoyed as I do feel I am always there for her, but maybe it is just one of the few downsides of our relationship. She is at least always there for me when my physical illness strikes, which I am more than grateful for. I guess I need to find someone that can understand more?

And I'll always have the support of this forum, which does help. I'll book a doctors appt tomorrow if I start feeling bad again, and In the mean time just try to treat myself well. I'll keep your advice in mind about having self-compassion, that should help

[PDBPD]

Glad you are feeling better Shiny...sometimes people find illness hard to deal with..I am sure you are cared for though

Steve

[Threemoons]

Hi Shinny. It's good to know you're feeling better, hope it continues to improve over the next days. I agree that people can find illnesses difficult to deal with, especially if the illness touches a loved one. She may like you very much!

[artemis84]

I am pleased to hear you are feeling more positive too shiny

I understand why you feel annoyed when you feel you provide for her needs but at least you can see that she has many good sides too - that is the sign of a good friendship!