Social Isolation As A Choice?

[Safiya]

I havn't posted on here for a while. Since last posting (many months ago) I have received a diagnosis (Emotionally Unstable Personailty Disorder/BPD) and told that there is no DBT in my area, and a 20 month waiting list for CBT. I have been offered a mindfulness grup, but that was several months ago and I havn't heard anything yet. Other than that I'm back where I started, other than having a label for something that they do not offer any treatment for

Anyway .. lately I have realised that I feel a lot calmer when I am not having to deal with emotional pain. My emotional pain has always come from loss, family and friends. The last time was particularly bad and has nearly destroyed me. I still do not feel ok. I feel numb, and suspect I also suffer from PTSD, as I disassociate to cope with conflict and emotional pain, and have done for years, but have no diagnosis of that.

Lately I've been considering conscious isolation as a solution. In terms of just accepting that I am too fucked up, even at my best I think I am just too intense for most people - I've been told I feel too much, too often, and I'm probably not much fun most of the time because tbh I see so much shit going on in the world and I do seem to have a tendency to being very affected by it, where as many seem to handle that differently and not get so affected. I'm probably acutely sensitive, but other than in my creative endeavours, it doesn't seem to be seen as a positive

Therefore, I'm kind of looking at all this and thinking ... perhaps becoming reclusive/a hermit wouldn't be such a bad idea? I connect with animals and nature far better than I do with people. I don't think I've got the toolkit for dealing with people, and repeated attempts to just result in more emotional pain and rejection. I always end up getting cast out of the trbe, if you get my drift, and I'.m sure people sense I am different or that there is something 'not quite right'. And they'd be right - I'm not like them, and I just don't think I can keep trying to fit in anymore, and keep getting destroyed by my attempts.

So ... has anyone else made the decision to isolate themselves, and found it has worked for them? I am actually good at initially connecting with people but I soon come unstuck
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks xx

[detroitguy]

Hi Safiya,

I think it could be useful to take a step back from people, but not as a permanent solution. I think too many of us on here rush headlong into heavy relationships that often end up not being in our best interests. I was single for a lot of years and just had light easy relationships. To be honest, I think that by doing this it really helped me find myself. I am married now (8 years) and the marriage is going very well but to tell you the truth I think that the work I had done on myself when I was living a somewhat hermit life did me a lot of good. Also, it opened my eyes as to what type of person I really needed in my life instead of following old dysfunctional scripts from childhood. Also, there is no reason to feel ashamed about being single, even to the extent of being a bit of a hermit. I really do believe that bad relationships drag someone down more than no relationships (or light relationships). And to be honest, even though someone may want to be a hermit, in all reality they really are not to the extent of living in the woods and never seeing another person for years! We all really need other people, at least to some extent. If you can, try to make YOUR happiness come first and please try to learn acceptance. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a good start and you can learn a lot of it on your own. There are good books on it and it really helped me. If you are interested drop me a PM and I will let you know what books have helped my situation. By the way, my wife and I are best friends and we love animals and often identify with them more than people. In fact, in a way, we are as partners a bit of a pair of hermits when it comes to the rest of the world. Take care - Detroitguy.

[addy2]

I came to this conclusion as well and that's what I did, I mix briefly with people but it's on my terms I no longer do anything or go anywhere I don't want to because in the past was for the sake of others. I admit it has helped I feel calmer I have less interactions with people and I don't feel pressured anymore. The down side is as my psychiatrist says I am avoiding it all and that won't help, I stay in bed most days as I don't pressure myself to be anywhere anymore. I don't feel I'm missing out I'm not a social person I don't go out and socialise or take part in many things and I'm happy this way. I agree don't use it as a permanent solution but sometimes it's nice Tobit have to worry about other people or be stressed by them it's good to take a break x

[Threemoons]

Hi. I agree with the others that if you suffer a lot from social interactions it could be good to take a bit more time to sit with yourself and retract a little from your social involvements. Just don't do it too much though cause humans are a social specie therefore you need minimal interactions with others to maintain your mind healthy. To be honest, your thread makes me ask questions to myself, as I don't interact much with people face to face and never really thought of it as a voluntary choice but maybe it is. I could have more activities out and I don't. That's not that social relations hurt me but I am clumsy in them and they make me feel anxious. Take some time for yourself.