kiracat Posted November 28, 2014 Report Share Posted November 28, 2014 Hi, my name is Kira. I'm so glad I found this forum. I'm 43 and despite being diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago, I'm only now accepting it and seeing all the traits very clearly in me. Very scary! Each day a new realisation hits me, like the rages and paranoia and disassociation. I honestly couldn't see any if it in me before, and I'm not entirely sure why I'm suddenly seeing it all now. Anyway, I've been reading through some posts and I feel so much better now. Nobody can understand what it's like, unless they live it really, so it's quite alienating. It's a huge relief to find some fellow BPD aliens and I wanted to say 'Hello!' to you all I'm seeing a psychiatrist on Tuesday for an assessment, so if anyone has any advice about such appointments I'd be really grateful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 28, 2014 Report Share Posted November 28, 2014 Welcome kiracat. I like your avatar . I am a similar age to you (41). It is scary to see these traits in yourself, but its also empowering. You now know yourself, so you can gain more control over what you do and say, and that can lead to better relationships and a better quality of life for you. Sometimes it just takes life experience to see these things, that's maybe why you didn't see them before. There are indeed many BPD sufferers here, but many others who don't have a BPD diagnosis but have similar problems (like myself). Good luck with the assessment. Psychiatrists vary quite widely in my experience; some of them are empathetic, others more clinical. I hope the outcome is helpful to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiracat Posted November 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2014 Hello Data, Thank you for replying Sorry, I just realised that this isn't exclusively for people with BPD! Hope I haven't offended anyone, I could relate to so much in all the posts I just assumed everyone had the same diagnosis. Brain is a bit foggy today! My avatar is from the Barrister coffee foam competitions they hold in Japan. They create some amazing things, just from cappuccino foam and love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted November 28, 2014 Report Share Posted November 28, 2014 (((kiracat)))............I love your avatar too and it is amazing that it is created out of milk foam............I just wanted to say Hi and Welcome.............I'm 55 and came here 3 years ago strongly suspecting something was up after years and years of struggling........Still something up (lol).....I'm not sure exactly what the diagnosis is........this is still in processing and progress, but I sure do relate so much to lots of people on here and really feel understood and can understand others too........I don't have a lot of experience with psychiatrist...............Ive seen one, once as an adult..........I saw a couple apparently when I was a kid, but I don't remember these times..........I only learned about this recently..............Just be yourself I guess...............and try to be as honest as you can.... be you..........lovely to meet you and glad that you feel comfortable here................Pickles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon5 Posted November 29, 2014 Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 my advice ask for therapy from specialists in personality disorders, meds help sedate and calm symptoms therapy help manage life. I am in my fifties, its never too late to improve our quality of life xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted November 29, 2014 Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Hi Kira, warm welcome to the community. It amazes me what Japanese people can do with so simple things. They sure are very creative and artistic. This place is great for relating to others and finding people who understand what we live. I hope you feel at ease soon. Looking forward to your next posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiracat Posted December 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 Aww... Thanks everyone! Feeling more positive about the psych appointment tomorrow now xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 1, 2014 Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 Good! I hope it will go okay, though there's no reason it wouldn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiracat Posted December 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 Thanks. It didn't happen, they cancelled 90 minutes before so I'm in tears now. Waiting for them to call me and rebook :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted December 2, 2014 Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 (((kiracat))).........now this makes me cross on your behalf!!!........I'm not surprised you are in tears...........I would be so upset.........If they haven't rung back or don't ring back soon (((kiracat))).........please call them..........Thinkings...........Pickles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiracat Posted December 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 Aww... Thank you Pickles. I've calmed down now but still feel sick. It's all I've thought about for weeks and it brought up lots of horrible memories and feelings, I didn't sleep at all last night and now... nothing. Psychiatrists should know better really! They didn't call me back either. I'll try them again tomorrow. Thanks for replying, it's nice to know someone understands. I really did over react a bit earlier, I guess that's why they haven't called. I cried down the phone at them... Ho hum. I hate dealing with mental health professionals. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted December 2, 2014 Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 (((kiracat))).........Yes, they should know better..........I guess emergencies or illness happens even to psychs............even so!.......I'm really glad you feel a little calmer............I remember when I was really crying out for help, I can't remember the number of times I let it all out on the phone.............don't beat yourself up about this.............I'm sorry they haven't called back today (yet)...........blast them.........Let us know how you get on tomorrow and huge hugs for you...........Pickles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiracat Posted December 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 Thank you xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitsune Posted December 2, 2014 Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 Hi Kiracat welcome to the forums, hope that you find them useful in your journey, you'll find lots of supportive people who can understand what you are going through and support you as you work toward getting well. Love your avatar! As for the psych sorry to hear that they cancelled, it can be so frustrating when you have geared up for something which is stressing you out and then it doesn't happen and you have to prepare again, with regards to the psych a lot of people find that it helps them to write down important things they want to remember to tell or ask the psych as a guide while in the session, it can help take some of the pressure of and help you feel more in control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funnybrokenfool Posted December 2, 2014 Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 Hey Kiracat, I just wanted to say hey, and let you know your not alone in seeing the traits of bpd so suddenly. The same thing happened/is happening to me. At first I was a little worried that perhaps I was playing on the symptoms a little without realizing it, but after talking it out with my therapist, I think it's more to do with awareness and the acceptance. By accepting the bpd, I became more aware of the traits because I was looking for them, if that makes sense. I also think a lot of it is because I'm trying to identify the things I need to work on, like the rage and the paranoia. I hope you get the help you need and you hear back from the services, A similar thing happened to me, and it is a truly awful thing to have happen. I'm Here if you need to chat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiracat Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Hello Kitsune, thank you. I have got a bit of a list ready, although I think it needs tidying up a bit. Once I started writing things down, I couldn't stop! Hello Funny Broken Fool. Yes you're right, it's like everything becomes almost exaggerated when you start to notice. I have accepted it and I'm pleased, the only down side is that somehow now I know that I get very angry very quickly it seems to have got worse! Yay. I hope that wears off soon... It's great that you've accepted it too. We can only get better once we understand what's wrong. It's awful realising some situations were in fact your own fault (well for me anyway), I feel so guilty now. Good thing is I'm getting to apologise to people it affected though I'm here if you want to chat too. I'm so pleased this forum exists! It's so wonderful to chat to people who understand xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 3, 2014 Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Ah, sorry your appointment was cancelled. It's not a nice thing to happen, you've been really stressed over it and now you have to delay it and prepare yourself again. It's good that you're making a list, it'll help greatly to express your concerns neater. I send you good prayers and strength. Take good care of yourself. (And I understand the guilt, it's an awful feeling isn't ti.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple1712 Posted December 5, 2014 Report Share Posted December 5, 2014 Hi kira, I'm new to this site but do know a little about psychiatrists as have been to several over The years. Making a list of your symptoms and traits as someone else mentioned is a great idea. When you feel scared and intimidated by these professionals as I was, it's easy to forget The things you wanted to discuss! They must have had an emergency for them to have canceled. Difficult when you have hyped yourself up for The meeting I agree. Stick with it, chase them if you need to. Above all, when you do get yr appt don't forget your list and answer The questions they ask you otherwise you could get misprescribed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple1712 Posted December 5, 2014 Report Share Posted December 5, 2014 Meant answer The questions truthfully! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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