daintydandellio Posted December 9, 2014 Report Share Posted December 9, 2014 Hi I am new to this forum & I decided to join to gain an awareness of BPD. I have a friend that has BPD and I have only known her a few month. We had got on very well and it was if we had known each other for a lifetime. A few days ago we had a small disagreement, which I know could be sorted but she has basically cut me off from her life. It started where she wouldn't answer my texts I sent her, I tried ringing her but she wouldn't answer the phone. I finally received a text saying i can't handle this anymore, I knew this was too good to be true. All the best and thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done for me. I will never forget your kindness. It's best for my mental health. I have been so upset over the last few days trying to figure out what to do to put this right. I've sent another reply this morning asking if I could at least go to her house and talk to her about it, I'm still waiting for a reply. I thought the only way to gain an awareness of what happening would be to read about the illness and to join a forum to ask people there advice. I would appreciate it if someone could offer some advice as to how deal with this as I think the world of my friend and it would be such a shame for this friendship to be lost. Thank you for reading this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted December 9, 2014 Report Share Posted December 9, 2014 People with BPD are very sensitive and easily triggered. So a disagreement which was small to you (and most people) might have felt devastating to your friend. Also people with BPD fear abandonment. To protect herself, she might have cut you off as a protection mechanism, in case you abandon her or trigger (upset) her. Its difficult to know what advice to give, but if it were me then I would leave it a week to let her calm down and think, then try again. It sounds like she is sending you nice texts so maybe there is something repairable about the friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted December 9, 2014 Report Share Posted December 9, 2014 I actually had the experience you mention here Data about Abandonment I once dated a girl with BPD we got on so well, I really liked her, we dated for a few months and then she suddenly broke up with me, I was devastated because I had no idea what I had done wrong and I was desperate to fix it, she ultimately told me that she started falling in love with me and had to break up with me before she fell completely in love with me, She said its less painful to cut me out now than to deal with the heartbreak when i break up with her down the line. no amount of questioning or reasoning could talk her around to it or explain that I had no intention of breaking up with her. I never really understood it, even though I've got more and more friends now who suffer from BPD, its still difficult for me to get my mind around it, but I try. People with BPD are very sensitive and easily triggered. So a disagreement which was small to you (and most people) might have felt devastating to your friend. Also people with BPD fear abandonment. To protect herself, she might have cut you off as a protection mechanism, in case you abandon her or trigger (upset) her. Its difficult to know what advice to give, but if it were me then I would leave it a week to let her calm down and think, then try again. It sounds like she is sending you nice texts so maybe there is something repairable about the friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daintydandellio Posted December 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2014 Thank you to both of you for your advice, it has gave me some insight into what is happening. The problem is I have depression and anxiety and it has really knocked me back and it keeps going round and round in my head because I'm trying to put things right. I care a lot about her and although we haven't known each other that long it's as if i've known her all my life and i've never had that connection with anyone before. I've started reading a lot around the illness that my friend has and that's also why i have joined this forum because i can read about other peoples experiences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted December 10, 2014 Report Share Posted December 10, 2014 I think its really admirable that you want to find out more about the condition and how you can support your friend. its nice when someone cares and makes an effort and it shows you as a really lovely person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daintydandellio Posted December 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2014 b0bulat0r, thank you for your kind words, I suffer myself from depression but I have always put others before myself and that sometimes can be my downfall. I've found it very hard, but i've now decided to take Data's advice and to let her be for a while to let her think. Problem is I worry that she may harm herself and I couldn't live with myself if that were to happen. She's a lovely girl and I only hope that fate will bring us back together, just as fate brought us together in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 10, 2014 Report Share Posted December 10, 2014 Hey, I hope you two can be reunited. It's not your fault if she harms herself though, it's a symptom of her disease. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted December 10, 2014 Report Share Posted December 10, 2014 I have Bpd and made friends with a woman in my dbt group I really liked her so did everyone, dbt ended and she was angry because she felt abandoned by the dbt therapists so I stayed in touch messaged her and let her know I was there we have since set up a pd focus group to help others with Bpd know what she did nothing, ignored me and blanked me everytime I contacted her, Bpd is no excuse she knows we all have Bpd and struggled with the ending as well and I like a fool still kept contacting her. It's good to understand we can be sensitive but also protect yourself and don't take crap from people espcially as you have depression yourself sometimes people will do whatever regardless of how nice you are to them x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 BPD people can be very attuned to others' feelings so I'm not surprised that you felt that connection with her. I also think that what you are doing is lovely and I wish we all had someone fighting for us like you are fighting for her. But I also think that you have to protect yourself and at the moment you sound quite vulnerable. I am somewhat concerned about your well being and maybe there is something for you to think about in the dynamic that was created between the two of you. Though wanting to help is admirable, boundaries are usually very important when you have a relationship with someone with bpd. Protect yourself too and if you still want to help you may want to make that clear so that the person knows that she can come back to you when she's ready. Closeness and intimacy can feel very threatening to bpds. At times people may actually resent it. But your friend is an individual with her own reasons. It's hard. I'm sorry. Please do take care of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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