Hopeangel Posted December 22, 2014 Report Share Posted December 22, 2014 Hi there! My daughter had a real psycotic crisis and we were left with her for four days whilst services kept advising us to 'go to A&E' and A&E kept sending her home to us, she was violent and threatened our lives in so many different ways, during rapid cycling episodes that wnet on throughout the day and night! The services often mentioned a lot of it was 'behavioural' which I refused to accept and eventually she was admitted to hospital voluntarily but if she tries to leave she will be sectioned, myself, my husband and my son all suffered from trauma and we couldn't think clearly after this four day incident, it was so frightening the whole time, my 20 year son didnt speak for days and I could not think from one moment to the next, my husband has told me he feels close to a breakdown and I feel the same! We had a week or so to recover, and were getting a bit better as the days wore on, we were busy at work too, I lost one client through being snappy which is not me at all, but every time I went to visit my daughter she would yell abuse and scream and melt down. I cant explain how traumatising it is its like SCREAMING abuse and getting hysterical, she accuses me and my husband of vile things that make me feel sick to hear, I was lucky enough to have a nice upbringing and have never experienced this level of abuse nor did I really know it existed before although I have felt emotionally abused by my daughter over the years it has been nothing compared to this level and I was always very strong in the face of it and understood she was suffering therefore making me suffer, I was coping! I am not coping now! :-( i feel I am not the same strong person who could shoulder all this but if not me then who? My parents died, my husband is feeling the same we are broken! Yesterday I tried to take my daughter out of the hospital for a break and she started abusing me on the journey so I turned round got back onto the carpark she then ran off screaming sating she wasnt going back - I called for help but before the nurses came out she ran off again and threw herself into a bush screaming, I couldnt get her out, the nurses took 20 mins to coax her inside and then a further 20 mins to coax her our of reception area and back on the ward! She was SCREAMING and crying and abusing me the whole time! I am so shaken and can't go on - I just can't - I havent felt like this before and I've been through hell over the years, lost both parents, daughter fell ill, stepsons mum died, continually abused by daughter, I honestly can't carry on I havent the strength - who will help her if i cant go on but I cant!! What is going to happen to her? Im scared!! I am SO scared dont know how to express it or who to I dont feel anyone gives a shit how I am -they do really but im not myself anymore, who can help me? They were very nice at the hospital but they did mention some of the screaming and the emotional abuse is behavioural and under her control! what do you think of that? I can't cope anymore I need advice, i am even considering if it would be better all round if I were dead, I tried so hard when my children were growing up, to give them a happy home as a single parent and yet only one of them remembers the happy times, apparently my daughter believes I didnt like her and i abused her and i wanted her stay in her room and she had no friends and everyone at school hated her! I am so sad, she was very much loved, she was/is beautiful and popular and apart from being extremely sensitive, she had a lot of fun times which she only remembers when she's not like this it is like she has been taken away from me and Im left with an alien who hates me with a passion. Please tell me it will go better - I am through with EVERYTHING and Im not up for christmas just want to cry on my own but have responsibility to my son and stepson who both havent had it easy with all this! OH HELP i cant do it anymore! I cant believe three weeks ago i had my shit together and now look at me! :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopeangel Posted December 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2014 Sorry that was a rant - needed to get it out but I do need advice! I think it's mainly because she is rewriting the past, she is taking away my happy memories of times when my lovely parents were alive and there was so much love in my family, now there is horror instead and i can't seem to reclaim those memories without the heartbreak that it is not the same for her in her mind! Im heartbroken today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 22, 2014 Report Share Posted December 22, 2014 Hi Hopeangel. It is perfectly okay to need a rant, don't apologize for this. You had and are still having a very rough time with your daughter ill and it seems to me that seeing a psychologist yourself could be beneficial, this professional could help you cope and advise you on how to support your family without it being detrimental to your own well-being. At least it's the experience my dear mother had as my support. Having her own one to one sessions with a therapist helped her greatly. It must be really hard that your daughter is rewriting the past and ripping up your memories. I've thought of something but I don't know if it's possible, you'll tell me. Could maybe your daughter write you a loving letter when she is able to, so you can read it when she has switched and remember that she will return to your loving child when the crisis is over? As for a part of her acting being behavioral, some of mine was but it doesn't mean we are in control of it. Behavioral means that we use a (generally bad) behavior to cope with the illness and its effects, and this mean of coping is inadequate. If we do it, it's because it's the only effective coping strategy we have now though, if we had a more adapted one we would be happy to use it. I feel touched by your situation. Your daughter will probably be very grateful to you once her illness is under control and she is able to see all what you did for her. I can't thank my mother enough and I love her so deeply. I feel so guilty for the tears I brought involuntary to her face. Finding the right treatment can take time but don't despair please as once it's found a lot of things can start mending. But you need to put your own needs first. What you're living is traumatizing and you should receive support yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopeangel Posted December 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2014 Threemoons, you are the wisest person! I do need someone to help me process things and move forward, I am going to look into that thank you! My daughter rang earlier asking how i was and apologising and explaining how she lashes out to get her pain out! I said 'I really know but it's making me a bit unwell in myself, so i need a bit of time to regather myself!' She was fine but conversation soon deteriorated so i got off the phone before I got too anxious! Thank you for all your kindness, Threemoons, I do hope and pray she can be like you are one day and understand herself and her illness! I am so glad you have a loving family, you so deserve to be cared for and you are an absolute blessing here to so many people who are suffering, I am very grateful for your reply! i am going to take all your advice as I can see how it can work for me, I will get a card out she made for me after an episode around 15 months ago, it is truely beautiful and says 'sorry for everything, I love you mum' on it with lots of detailed artwork and photos she has stuck on and inside it of her and the family! it is my favourite thing in the world and I am going to spend some time looking at it! I would not have thought to do that if you hadn't reminded me! I feel a bit better just thinking of the card! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 23, 2014 Report Share Posted December 23, 2014 It sure sounds like a very nice card! I'm so glad you have it. Hope that today was a bit easier for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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