paleivy Posted December 22, 2014 Report Share Posted December 22, 2014 Hi, I won't bore you guys with my history of severe depression and suicide attempts, everyone has their own struggle right ? I've known about these forums since I was diagnosed three years ago but never felt the need to write on one until tonight. I just need advice, badly. BPD is destroying my relationships with friends and boyfriends. I've overcome the worst I've been through, and I'm a pretty positive person nowadays. But my paranoia and anxiety is overwhelming. I can send a friend a text just asking how they are and if they don't reply, I imagine the worst. It escalates so quickly. I imagine they hate me, they think I'm clingy, they secretly think I'm an idiot, they're just pretending to be my friend, all my friends are hanging out without me and all secretly talk behind my back etc etc. I can't cope with it anymore. It's destroying me internally. And I can't build healthy relationships when in 5 minutes I can be that paranoid or anxious about something so stupid. It's overwhelming. I wondered whether you guys have any coping mechanisms to stop the paranoia so I can finally trust people. I've been treated badly in the past, abusive relationship and shitty friends. But it needs to stop. I want my life to move on and stop doubting everyone. Would appreciate any advice at all. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted December 22, 2014 Report Share Posted December 22, 2014 No sorry I don't have much advice I struggle with this myself even after dbt which is meant to help with this I'm still the same. I can form on the surface relationships but I don't trust anyone and I am very paranoid even about the people treating me in my eyes everyone hates me. How I cope I don't form relationships I know that's not useful advice but I have tried and it hurts too much just recently I had been helping an old school friend out she was unwell then recently I replied on her status on fb and she was of with me so that's that I'm not longer her friend simple as that and I am annoyed I helped her and she was rude she's been rude a few times if I'm honest so that's it for me. I'm sure loads of people on here have good advice. In dbt we were taught there are loads of reasons people behave the way they do and most of the time it's nothing to do with us but I can't seem to sense it in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detroitguy Posted December 23, 2014 Report Share Posted December 23, 2014 I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Below is a CBT book I have used specifically for this which is available on Amazon. It has helped me through some tough times. Take care - Detroitguy.http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Paranoid-Suspicious-Thoughts-Books/dp/1845292197/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1419329384&sr=1-1&keywords=overcoming+paranoid+and+suspicious+thoughts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paleivy Posted December 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2014 Thanks for the replies guys. I'll have to order the book. Things are so shit. Literally feeling beyond low in the space of a few seconds because of interactions with people or paranoia. The worst is not knowing whether I am paranoid or whether I'm right. I feel like I shouldn't be around people because they all hate me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 24, 2014 Report Share Posted December 24, 2014 Hi. I don't think people hate you, that's most likely your paranoia telling you this. When you accuse people falsely they can get a bit scared or angry but they don't hate, I don't think. Would you try looking at self-compassion and reassurance tips? I wish you a lovely Christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 26, 2014 Report Share Posted December 26, 2014 are you on any meds to control your moods and things? Welcome to the forums by the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letthelonelyin Posted February 4, 2015 Report Share Posted February 4, 2015 I feel exactly the same a lot of the time. I have no tips apart from distinguishing between BPD thoughts and your own thoughts. Try and separate them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted February 4, 2015 Report Share Posted February 4, 2015 My tips; - When you get anxious for instance if someone doesnt respond to a text remind yourself that you cannot read minds, you might be wrong they might simply be busy or something. - At the same time accept that this is scary for you, be nice to yourself at such hard times, find ways to soothe yourself but do not let the anxiety make you do rash things. - Friendships, relationships there is always that chance of getting hurt but the only way to prevent that is to stay alone forever. - Trust that no matter what happens youll be ok, if you doubt that start focusing on how to be there for yourself; self compassion, selfsoothing. - Look into mindfulness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 Hi Paleivy Just wondering how you are getting on with this? It is something I struggle with too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessicalloyd90 Posted February 10, 2015 Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 I have a similar problem,I tend to disconnect myself self completely when it comes to relationships. The last two men I was with both told me that felt like they were never needed or wanted because of how disconnected I could sometimes be. I always felt like one day they were everything to be almost god like and the next I would feel no need to have them around and kind of feel like they mean just as much as someone who id never really met. (not saying I acted aggressively or anything towards them) I just mean as in the fact that the relationship did not bother me. Please dont feel alone in this,Im 24 I feel like im watching everyone in stable relationships but heres me still feeling very much alone and empty like I always have to be honest.Please do not feel alone as you aren't in this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vez Posted February 15, 2015 Report Share Posted February 15, 2015 Hi paleivy , You are definitely not alone. I cant make sense of relationships I never know if its me being horrible or my husband. Its me that crumbles and falls apart when he says nasty things to me. Like he has done tonite. I hate him with every part of my being. We have a beautiful baby so I try my best but he doesnt. Really dont know wot is the point anymore. Oh dear I think im goin off on one again sorry to ramble and mess up this thread x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Afrika2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 I recently ruined my relationship with my ex whom I was about to get married to because of my BPD. Now, I only have 1 friend, some associates and my family. I'm having problems with my friend atm. I really want to tell her to eff off because of my crazy bpd thinking but i'm holding back and finding things to distract myself. I try to keep in mind that she might be having her own problems right now so it's not a good idea to go off on her without any proof/evidence. Good luck. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Get some therapy if you haven't already. Also, are you on meds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 My pattern is the same. One day I am in love and seem to be able to bear intimacy and closeness, the next day I can't stand partner. Everything is annoying including partner being just a human being: breathing, eating, pooing.... being there. Present. I'm still not sure but in therapy this seems to be due to the belief that I am defective, so why is partner still with me? ALso because I fear that if I don't withdraw to protect myself it will eventually make me too dependent, vulnerable and submissive, and also because I do feel claustrophobic when someone loves me. I feel that I am more like an object than a separate subject with my own ideas and wants that can be accepted and negotiated. It's so hard. This is what I want to work the most in therapy but still is very hard to change, in my case :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Hows your bpd now. Is it still as bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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