jayne Posted December 24, 2014 Report Share Posted December 24, 2014 I am staying with a friend tonight so can cook his two boys and me dinner tomorrow. He is not well. There is nothing left of him. He just cant eat its like watching him slowly die. I hope that next year he will receive and accept whatever support and healthcare he needs. So i am sat on sofa on my own and have been for the last few hours with a bottle of wine feeling im a hypocrite for drinking after trying to make my friend see sense that drinking 12 cans a day cannot be helping him. Time of year that you contact family too. But there is no openess or honesty. I dont communicate with my parents (childhood abuse). But I still respect my matnernal gran as staying with my grandparents when a kid was fun and safe. But i cant explain to her why i struggle to ring her as then i take her daughter away and she is in her late 90s. I havent told my paternal gran either though dont hold as much respect for her as i do not recall any fond memories there. I hate the continuation of secrets and lies. I received my usual £10 cheque from my maternal gran. I love to see her writing. But this time i saw my mothers name on her account and even though he got sent to prison she has not told my gran or her sister and she obviously wants to keep his name. So when he gets out it will be like nothing has changed. I understand why my mother is on the account due to grans age and at times expect she is not always with it. well happy festive days. Jayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted December 24, 2014 Report Share Posted December 24, 2014 ((((Jayne)))) hi and welcome to the forums, I am so for what you have been through with your parents but it sounds like you have the love of your gran . I too have a story similar like yours..... Childhood abuse, I stayed with my nana and was very close to her, like two peas in a pod until she passed away but she was like my mum, wonderful. I don't have contact with my parents and secrets remain too. I just wanted to let you know that I understand hun. I wish you a merry, peaceful Christmas xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted December 25, 2014 Report Share Posted December 25, 2014 The holidays can be hard cant they, a confrontation with the situation in your life and with your family. You cant fix what you cannot fix but its ok to be sad about that. I am sorry this is all so hard for you. I hope that you can find some joy in the little things, be good to yourself Spoil yourself a little and dont be so hard on yourself, youre struggling and you deserve some care. Lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted December 25, 2014 Report Share Posted December 25, 2014 You obviously care for your friend, it must be very sad for you. I also had a friend (Ian) who was an alcoholic who died, I miss him . I am sorry to hear of your abuse. I hope you manage to find some happiness for yourself this Christmas, you obviously have a lot of sadness in your life but there must be nice moments too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissR Posted December 26, 2014 Report Share Posted December 26, 2014 Hi. I'm sorry you went through childhood abuse. I went through some, too. I am much older now and have got lots of counseling for it. Still, we still suffer even though we get help. I wish you all the best. I hope you get lots of support for your issues. We all need support and love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayne Posted December 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 Thanks for your replies. Liley bee i agree it is not something i can fix. There are so many ppl out there who find this time of year a massive overload of feelings. I blame the media a little because everything and everybody is perfect and happy endings are of cause the only way life will treat each one of us. Data yes there have and from time to time good moments i supoose that my brain is more focused on the bad perhaps for a false sense of self protection. Miss R i have been lucky and have had a lot of counselling. It has helped but my magical wish had not been achieved. It is an unrealistic one. To forget and or accept it and never haunted again. I left my friends this evening but continue to worry. I think i need to have some timeout to try and sit with my own feelings. sorry have wittered on Jayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 27, 2014 Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 Hi jane. I to have issues where food is conserned. I dont like it end of. My friend that i am staying with cant believe how thin i am. I have anorexia and have struggled with it since the age of 14. I am 30 now and i am surprised it hasnt killed me yet. Think i have a angel looking after me or something. i hope your friend and his son get the help and support they need. Keep posting here If it helps. Dont ever feel like you said to much. We all here to listen too and support each other. Thats what i like about this place and why i keep coming back. take care and be kind to your self. Xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayne Posted December 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 Work tomorrow. Think i shall havecto kick myself in. What happened to my life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 29, 2014 Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 i offen wonder what happened to mine anall so your not alone there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayne Posted December 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 Got a call at work from a someone my buddy knows saying he needed urgent help and my friend kicked him out the house with suicidal thoughts. Went straight over leaving work early my boss could see i needed to go. Took kids to stay with other family of his.Spent the last 6 hrs trying to talk to him and he is just cold on me. Have cleared the house of meds. They were everywhere. Now in boot of my car. Keeps telling me to go but i wont as i know he will try something i have his car and bike keys too. He seems resigned to me being there now. But i have to go to work tomorrow. I will ring his doc but not much more i can do wether he would let gp see him i doubt it. im finding this hard as triggers my own thoughts. I suppose though that if im concentrating on him then i have to be there. But he has kids. I do not. i will check on him hrly throughout the night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 29, 2014 Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 So sorry to hear this jane. What a good friend you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 I'm sorry your friend is so unwell. You're a very great friend. Just be sure that protecting him doesn't come at the expense of your own health. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayne Posted December 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 Got gp out to see him he sent him to hospital for thwm to discharge him saying it is not life threatening. Yeah right thats why i have all his meds and had little sleep. Cant miss work due to my record. someone else with him tonight as i need some kip. I dont know what to do with NY eve i have to play in band and already now a duo. Any suggestions welcome. Oh and my final hr of kip this morning i bit someone in a dream and awoke to be bitting myself Argggggggghhhhhhhhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 30, 2014 Report Share Posted December 30, 2014 huge hugs to you. Xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayne Posted January 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2015 I don't have much left to give. But i must keep plodding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 3, 2015 Report Share Posted January 3, 2015 we are all here for u jane. When ever u need us. Try take some comfort n that. Xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 How are you now jane? Been a bit worried as i havent seen you on here for a while. Hope your all right. Hugs. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayne Posted January 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 I amtired to say the least. Woke yesterday at my friends house whom i looking after. Electric ran out yest so my alarm didnt go off. One kid missed the bus so had to drive him to school put electric on at my expense then full on long day at work. I didnt sit diwn till 10.30 last night. oh well breath for new day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Glad your ok sweets. Been worried about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayne Posted January 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Sorry dont mean to worry others. Just finished hour of cleaning my mates toilet scrubbing walls to get worst of mould off and clean sink with all i had an old sponge and water. Still nowhere near clean. Couldnt face doing his bath. Feel euky. Wish i had energy so i could finish then at least could have a shower and clean self. Overwhelmed and in need of taking my own meds to try and calm me down a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 8, 2015 Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 hugs jane xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayne Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 I have nothing left to give. I have been over medicating to try and sleep and now I'm in a respite place. Just before I came here I had to have my faithful put to sleep. I'm due home Fri and just not sure how I will manage.yes the crisis team will visit. But nothing is different Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 11, 2015 Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Was just thinking about you today as it goes jane so i am glad you posted. Sorry to hear your still struggling. Hope things improve for you soon. Thinking of you. Xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayne Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 How are you today jane? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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