burning wing Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 First I was diagnosed with AvPD and was thought to be an avoidant for half a year, but I didn't feel as having AvPD and therapy didn't work on me at all. Then I told my therapist that I probably suffer from BPD, and then it was found out I had not AvPD, but BPD and major depression. Now I've started therapy for BPD, something based on dialectical behavior therapy, but it's so difficult I feel like I almost cannot do it... although it does work. My question is, has anyone passed this stage of treatment successfully? How do you feel right now? How does recovery feel for a borderline personality? I just cannot believe how people can live and not want to die, I cannot imagine such, because I have never felt as such. And i hardly believe it's possible. Is recovering from BPD worth the effort? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 Hello! I have never done DBT but I am curious. You said that it works. What changes have you noticed? My thoughts are very simple in relation to recovery. I hold on to hope and hope helps me going. Sometimes it's the despair of repeating the same pain over and over again that keeps me going as I want an end to it. I want it to be at least somehow different. Have another colour, another taste, another shape, another texture. But please, not exactly the same every time. I do believe that recovery is worth the effort because living without making the effort to attempt recovery is a huge effort in itself. The effort that bpds make to keep alive is in itself massive. Hugs and in my opinion... keep it up. I hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 I have had dbt for 18months unfortunately I don't share your experience I feel it's the worst therapy ever it's dismissive and undermining and down right contradictory and wrong I should add that's just my opinion. I've been told recovery is possible my experience has been it isn. No treatment has worked and if dbt is supposedly the best option then there isn't much hope. Sorry I'm not helpful and if dbt works for you that's great apparently it works well for a lot of people. I think it also depends on what other diagnosis you might have maybe it works for someone who has Bpd and no other disorders a long with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jelly-bean Posted January 21, 2015 Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 im in dbt now, and yes its difficult, its hard but it so is channeled to bpd, i find i understand myself a whole lot more, im finding my avoidance perticualy hard as i have dissacoiated all my life ... as in putting my urges feeling and thougts into scales from 1 to 5..not a simple task when you are not connected most of the time, but i can see the benifits it could be life changing for me (in my third month)... no one said it would be easy, learning new skills is going to be the hardest thing i have ever done, talk to your therapist, its almost like being a computer and having to upgrade so you can deal with the bad data as it comes in life, in a better way thats not harmful and helps you intergrate into life in a meaningful way one where you like yourself maybe, one where you can take a critque without the world falling apart around you, ... well thats what im hoping for and more i just want to be able to hold a job down and be able to comunicate with others in a confident manner with out my self falling apart and dbt promisses to help me acheive this and i hope that this will help you also blah... this might not make alot of sense as my spell check dont work with this key pad lol.. to just say the most important parts again dbt is totally designed to help people whom suffer with bpd, we are not all the same but the bigger picture is to learn sets of skills to help you in crisis in everyday life ... help you towards your goals or even just to set you on the right path ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 21, 2015 Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 i also have bpd but have never went for theropy for it. I deserve to suffer. Thats what my voices inside my head tell me anyways Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burning wing Posted January 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 I think it also depends on severety of the disorder. My BPD is at its early stage of development, because I'm just 19 and haven't gotten that sick of life yet. The idea of DBT is to teach a borderline personality to feel emotions and not to act on them. Borderlines usually feel like they have to act on an emotion to have 'the right' to feel it, at least how this works for me. From this point comes impulsivity. A borderline personality cannot have a thought or emotion without acting on them, and that's why they don't 'contain' feelings in themselves, they dissolve in the surrounding world and feel painful inner emptiness. Their reaction, their chain 'thought - action' is very quick, and that's why we don't know who we are - we never had a chance to act as we wish, and not as our feelings tell us to. Again, I'm talking only about myself, and I was told my BPD isn't severe, although I think if someone wants to die it's severe enough to do something about it. So, dbt is designed so that we could learn skills to contain our feelings, and it comes from small things, For example, I was told to do one thing at a time all the time, and keep doing one thing up to 20 minutes if possible. And it was very difficult and it is very difficult, because all the time I feel like taking something with my hands or getting up from the chair. My body is actually shaking all over after just 5 minutes of only watching a movie, and after 20 minutes of doing one single thing I feel like I can't breathe or that I'm sick. But it really is worth the effort, because it really feels good knowing you don't have to act on your feelings for at least 20 minutes because you were told not to, something like that. And I'm starting to feel good at least in the morning, before that I was severely depressed and never felt good. I'm only starting this thing so I can't tell you anything really useful. But I wish it to work, because I'm done living like that anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 23, 2015 Report Share Posted January 23, 2015 Maddy, you don't deserve to suffer, the voices telling you this are just plain lying. Burning Wings, I wish you all the best. What you're doing sounds difficult but it seems to pay off so I'm happy you're supported doing it. It's good that you can receive treatment in the early development. I'm full of hope for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mert Posted January 24, 2015 Report Share Posted January 24, 2015 I'm sure people can get better ..it taking part and embrassing therapy and believing in yourself... Everyone can heal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Br0kenW1ngs Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 I have limited time right now but wanted to say that yes it is possible to recover (or at least be "in remission" so to speak). I've had BPD for half my life and I've been in and out of psychiatric units and been on a plethora of medications. I wouldn't say I am "cured" as such, because I think the thought patterns are so ingrained that the BPD is part of me and always will be (there are advantages to feeling deeply....sometimes) but I am not the sum of my diagnosis anymore. Yes I have to fight harder than the average person to keep a balance but I manage. I am living now, and dare I say it.....I am happy. So it is possible. It's hard work, believe me, but it does happen. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 I have limited time right now but wanted to say that yes it is possible to recover (or at least be "in remission" so to speak). I've had BPD for half my life and I've been in and out of psychiatric units and been on a plethora of medications. I wouldn't say I am "cured" as such, because I think the thought patterns are so ingrained that the BPD is part of me and always will be (there are advantages to feeling deeply....sometimes) but I am not the sum of my diagnosis anymore. Yes I have to fight harder than the average person to keep a balance but I manage. I am living now, and dare I say it.....I am happy. So it is possible. It's hard work, believe me, but it does happen. Take care. That is so good to hear Br0kenW1ngs. I have to say I'm inclined to agree with your belief that the BPD will always be there - I also think the same about my eating disorder (so have to fight two sets of thought patterns!) - but it is good to hear that you have managed to find a balance and that you can feel happy. I hope that long may it continue for you and that others, including myself, can find that balance too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Br0kenW1ngs Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Thanks artemis! BPD may always be there in the background, but it doesn't have to control your life forever..... If you had told me a year ago that I would be where I am today I would have laughed at you. But anything is possible. I had an eating disorder for over 12 years too..... and yes, not a day goes by where I don't have the thoughts, but being healthy overrides that now and I have been behavior free for over 6 months. I know that I will always be at risk of relapse, for BPD behaviors, the eating disorder and everything else that goes on in my brain, but I'm working on making that less and less of a possibility. If it happens, then it happens but I think now I have the motivation and skills to get through it and start over. I really wish I could bottle whatever it was that finally put me on the right path so that everyone could have hope. I wish everyone could have the support and compassion I've had from the professionals I've met over the years (and yes, there have been some that should never be allowed to work in mental health also!). Keep up the fight, it will get easier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 I am living now, and dare I say it.....I am happy. So it is possible. It's hard work, believe me, but it does happen. Take care. My heart goes to you in celebration. Well done. Thank you for the inspiration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burning wing Posted January 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 I'm glad you guys managed to get at least somehow better. I agree with you that those symptoms will stay, but all I want is to just live not wanting to die, that's all. Is that so much to ask for? Or enough to fight for? I guess it is, and those of you who are still struggling I wish all the best and for you to get better, because such things like BPD shouldn't happen to people, it's just not right, it's not fair. Most borderlines I know are kinder than those who are healthy, but are thought to be evil due to their emotional reactions. That's unfair as well. And I do believe all of you deserve to get better, and none of us deserves to suffer, even though sometimes we might feel that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 i think my b p d has gotten worse since i was diagnosed If i am honest with everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Partner79 Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 Sometimes I think trying to get help worsens the feelings as it's frustrating and seemingly endless or pointless. My partner is the one with bpd but even I find the health service more damaging than helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burning wing Posted January 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 Unfortunately, many mental health institutions don't give the necessary help and understanding for borderlines, so we need to look for what is right for us I live in another city now, and in the city I am from they wanted to put me into the hospital and on medications, so I just ran away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted February 1, 2015 Report Share Posted February 1, 2015 Ah, sorry they scared you so much that you had to move towns, Burning Wings. I wish you to settle smooth in your new city. Are the mental health services better there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burning wing Posted February 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2015 Threemoons, they weren't the only reason I moved. I'm studying in another city at university, but when I came home for holidays and told my mom I was diagnosed with BPD (that was a huge mistake), she called her friend who is a doctor at the local mental hospital and she told her to put me into the hospitsl and on drugs, and I had to run away, and now I don't visit home, and have no desire to I had issues with that hospital when I was tied and taken there by force at 15 or 16 years old, in the middle of a quarrel with my parents. Then my parents thought I had histrionic personality disorder, because they couldn't believe how someone could get so uncontrollably emotional and Ohhhh crazy. But then I managed the situation somehow, I had to make a good facial expression and get highly polite in just half an hour. I was young and doctors told us after all I was just a very agressive teenager But my relatives don't understand BPD and don't want to, some of them (my parents) think I'm crazy and should be locked in the hospital, or I'll harm myself or someone else, and others think I am just very evil and weak. I think that's a common situtation, unfortunately In the city I am now mental health services are better developed, and I was put on psychotherapy without any medications. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted February 1, 2015 Report Share Posted February 1, 2015 I'm sorry to hear you had these bad experiences. It sounds tough with your relatives. Very pleased that they've offered you therapy without meds as you wanted. I hope all the best for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie1986 Posted February 1, 2015 Report Share Posted February 1, 2015 I'd like to think you can recover from BPD in the sense that the symptoms become manageable and easier to cope with when they happen. The mental health worker I saw at my asesment described BPD or emotional unstable personality disorder to me as a failure in childhood for me to find my identity and personality because I was always told how to think and feel and I never had a good enough role models to judge my feelings and behaviour by. I never thought of it like this. I am not a victim and cannot stand people who have every excuses on the planet to not do something because bad things happen. That doesn't mean everyone. I know some peoples past affects them more than others. it frustrates me because I see people with real issues that debillitate and incapacitate them still getting up and going to work or looking after there children or just being in life when it's harder than anything and then I see people who have found words like depression a convenient excuse to do nothing play a victim. I'm sorry if that offends anyone but it really pisses me off because it makes people like myself and the many other people struggling on a daily basis look like frauds in society when in reality they are. Anyway I digress from my point. (Sorry it's an anger trigger for me and I have lost friends over my inability to be around these kinds of people.) I have always believed I was crazy for no reason. That nothing ever happened significant enough to affect me but now I see how I could have been set up to end up like I am. I had a very abusive dad with countless mental health issues which i wasn't aware of as a child. He also did drugs which again i wasn't aware of and was an alcoholic which I did see. My mum walked out on us when I was 11. Just as puberty hit and I started to form my idea of who I was and how I fit when I lost a stable person in my life and since then it's been nothing but loss and it terrifies me and I do everything I can to make it not happen but I expect it. These two events alone when you don't even take into account everything else could have been a catalyst in me forming terrible coping strategies in life and coloured my view on the world. I hope I can unlearn the coping strategies and one day relearn new ones because I've technically "recovered" from mental health issues before. I use recovered lightly because I've relapsed completely. This is why I believe recovery is the wrong word for BPD because I don't believe a personality can be changed fundementally but I do believe thought process's can be improved and behaviour can be changed to an extent. I'd like to remain hopeful but then my mind destroys is so what is positive now could change tomorrow but one day I hope I'll be able to question it and live happy. That's the ultimate goal for everyone wether they have BPD or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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