Coping Mechanisms?

[Charlie1986]

How you cope when feelings of anger make you want to smash things up? I am so frustrated that last night me and my partner ended up not speaking because I kept snapping at her and I don't know how to stop it because I'm not aware at the time.

I feel like my head is about to explode and I have no idea how to stop feeling like I'm going crazy. I feel like it just gets worse and worse and doesn't get any better. After the assessment I felt a little bit better but since I just feel like I can't cope. I don't want to hurt people I don't want to make my partner cry I don't want her to leave me.

My emotions are so inappropriate nearly all the time. I laugh when I should be crying I cry when I should be laughing I get angry when I should be calm and I'm calm when should be angry. I don't want to speak to people on the phone and get my partner to ring because I know I'll get angry when I don't hear what I want to hear. If she doesn't do it straight away I get frustrated and I end up ringing and it causes trouble. We at having trouble where we live with broken appliances and a broken sofa and a broken window and nothing is being done so this morning I rang and it ended in someone hanging up on me because I got so frustrated at having to keep chasing after them. I now have to waste another day sitting in waiting for an engineer who should have come to fix the washer today but didn't even have the decency to tell me they weren't coming until I rang and asked where they were. I am on a weeks holiday from work next week which I desperately needed to have a rest and not have to deal with the stress of work and now it's being hijacked.

I am so angry and worse than frustrated over this and I don't know why. I don't know how to calm down and level back out.

i've gone from feeling like things are going my way a little bit at the beginning of the week to now feeling like everyone and everything it against me. I feel like everyone would be better off without me. I feel like a spoiled brat spitting my dummy out after I realise just how ridiculously angry I have been fat no real reason.

I can't seem to control myself at all at the minute the only thing I am managing not to do is hurt myself and this is becoming a lot harder. My thoughts focus around this on a daily basis and I am struggling not to just give into it.

What do other people do to try and remain calm and come back down to earth when this happens? How do people stop the zoning out happening when it all gets too much?

I feel desperate and I don't know what to do. I feel like the worst person in the world right now and I hate it. I can't shake it I don't know how to explain it to my partner and she is getting so sick of me I'm scared she's going to walk out. She told me I was using her as an emotional punching bag last night and it broke my heart. I don't deserve her and she deserves better.

I don't even know what normal is anymore.

I just want to feel better. This is the hardest thing I have never had to deal with and I'm scared. I don't know how much hope I have my have of getting better and coping again. I'm struggling to find any at the minute.

[Threemoons]

Hi Charlie. I don't have anger outbursts, I'm quite the opposite (inhibition) so I obviously don't know how you feel but I want to try to help. Maybe it's silly but have you tried coloring books for adults? We've been offered one at Christmas and I use it to distract when self-harm or suicidal urges are nagging me. It doesn't work when I can't concentrate though. Make paper forms and smash them instead of things, maybe? Scream into a pillow? I'm sorry, these are very banal suggestions. I'm here if you want to talk more, either publicly or in PM. Hope that someone else dealing with anger can come and share his/her coping strategies. Hold on.

[addy2]

Hi, I can totally relate to this I smashed my I phone last week after an argument and I broke a necklace the week before. At times I have smashed up the entire house pulling curtains of the wall. Sorry I don't have much advice my temper is the one thing I struggle to control, sometimes getting out of the situation can help and just walking away x

[Settng Sun]

A lot of what you said is recognisable to me, Charlie. The answer is that, simply, you just have to try lots of different things. It may well be a long and frustrating process, which in itself could cause anger, but the best way to start that process is to try the things that you think are least likely to work for you.

The reason for that is that you won't have any unrealistic expectations on them when you try them. Just try not to approach them with an attitude of "Ugh, this will never work!" and you might be surprised.

I think it would be helpful to tell your partner what you are doing and the techniques you are using. It will help your relationship when she sees you're making genuine strides to deal with this. Attacking the problem is, in itself, a hugely important step towards dealing with it all.

Best of luck! xxx

[Charlie1986]

I've found some old diaries. I'm reading them to find out if there was something I used to do that helped. I'm trying to understand where it all went wrong. These date back from December 2003 I had literally just turned 17. That was just over 11 years ago. Maybe it will help to see how i was back then. Maybe it will connect me to reality. So far I've read 5 entries and all they are is fear, pain and misery and self loathing and I don't know how I survived that.

My partner thinks I should start writing stuff down again so I can process it better. I've always liked words and writing but I feel like it's always poison on the paper when I'm done.

She is trying to be supportive. She offered me a book to start writing in. She wants to move house again. The 4th time in 4 years and she's even offered to let me go stay with my mum and she do all the moving because I've told her I mentally can't uproot again. I'm sick of change and moving and Its too much.

I digress again sorry. I suppose I'm trying to distract myself and its not really working. Any victory is a victory though right? No matter how small. Now I feel like I'm lying. Sorry I'm not really here at the minute my heads jumping around like a moth caught in a lamp shade.

Thank you for your replies I value all your opinions as I know how hard it is to offer advice or opinions when your fighting your own fight x

[maddy harper]

i play music to calm my self down.

[Partner79]

You sound just like my partner so I can tell you what works from the other side? We write to each other and leave it on the coffee table. He avoids me, takes himself off on long walks. From my side I need to know he's ok so him leaving notes helps me. They might not always be nice notes but at least with notes it can't turn into a big row can it?

He also used to got camping to remove himself from situations and reduce the damage to loved ones, however he's stopped that now which I guess is a good sign as I'd worry like hell, but he knows this so I figure that's why he stopped doing it.