helenh Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Hi guys, Since my BPD diagnosis i have looked back over my life and get confused and anxious as to whether i have ever been myself. have all the 'characters' ive played been taken on by situation. its frightening to think i have never really been me, or to wonder who me is. Does anyone else feel this, or come through it. do you eventually find who you are? helen x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Helen, I find that I am much more confident about who I am than i was years ago. I still feel insecure and have lots of hang ups but I have stronger opinions about things and I am more able to voice them. I still find it hard to set up boundaries, which I find to be very important when defining oneself. But I think that this is also related to self esteem and not only with identity. Summarizing, yes it is possible to develop your sense of who you are. Google tips to help you with strategies. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helenh Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 thank you karaindrou for such a swift response. i am not having the best of days and thoughts of the effects bpd has clearly had on my life for many years are flooding in. i wish someone had noticed so much sooner. i am 30 and only within the last 2 months got a diagnosis, which i had to push for as they wanted to pin emotional instability on me, which is o so bloody obvious but so many other symptoms pointing to full bpd. there are times i really think i have some idea of what is me and what isnt and then that confidence falls away but thank you again x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Yes, bpd is such a difficult illness. The changes are so sudden and fast. and many. I'm usually hopeful and it doesn't really matter your age. Many of us in here are older and we all do our best. I do understand the age thing though. Just try not to make it central. Look for a good therapist and therapy and do the best you can. This is all you can do. Other than this, compassion for yourself. Always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helenh Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 I had an assessment with a private practice and they have offered me therapy and a very reduced rate, due to the length of treatment i think. i want the help, and need the coping skills to change my reactions to things. due to one of my 'episodes' where i ran off from my husband and family with some stupid 'boy' i fell pregnant and decided, due to the fact that i couldnt see a future and i already have 2 beautiful girls to fight for, i chose a twermination, at 11 weeks. its 4 weeks on and just did my test to check it went as it should. all negative as it should be, left me feeling very low and on the brink of tears. i have my babies here with me so trying to stay strong for the school run etc tomorrow but so want to get high or drunk and just go do something, not dangerous silly, but daft you know. just to ease the pain of it. my ex husband is in constant contact and helping me as i made a suicide attempt 2 weeks a go, and hes very kind but obviously closed a bit. im rambling, sorry. just dont know how to feel or work out what i am feeling. the girls go back to him for the week tomorrow, which always causes sadness anyway, though i still see them during that time. my life just feels in tatters, and though i am making steps to fix it, sometimes it feels like a very long journey and a lonely one too. my mum tries to understand what BPD means, but she asks me a lot of questions which i try to answer but find hard to explain how it feels. most people i know dont loose control completely like i do and explaining that i just cant help it is hard xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 There are books for families of people with bpd. It's worth checking those out and get your mum a good book. It's great that she is asking what it is. My experience is that bpd needs lots of hard work and it really depends on the route of the problem as well as temperament. Some people do recover fully while others learn to manage the symptoms, maybe healing some bits.... It's so varied and your journey is yours alone. Yes. Painful solitude. I feel like that right now. ALone and scared. But necessary. I think that you have quite a bit to cry. Terminating a pregnancy is quite something and maybe you need some time to stay with the feelings rather than drinking. I'm sorry that you had to terminate the pregnancy. It's very painful even though when one chooses it. The forum helps. I have cycles of more and less participation. Find your way and get the support that you need. It's going to be fine helen. Hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted February 13, 2015 Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 You know you where born with a specific temparment and caracter traits, its there youre just not in touch with it but that will come. As for feelings same kind of thing theyre there and feelings can also be very mixed which can be confusing. You have a journey ahead but that doesnt mean everything has to be rotten until you get to the finish line. Its also a road that will bring you lots already along the way; trust me theres lots of good to be found on this road. Same goes for your past, it is not time wasted, it has taught you things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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