burning wing Posted February 13, 2015 Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 Hi guys, I have a question on validation. Do you use any techniques which help with validating yourself and others? I want to find a way to handle disagreements with important people in my life gracefully and at the same time not give in to their point of view. I know 'there is no law that says that other people's opinions are more valid than your own', but still. Now I feel like I have to kill the person who disagrees otherwise I will be killed inside myself, something like that. I feel like I need confirmation of my thoughts and feelings from outside, and if there is no such confirmation, then I get very angry or upset and give up on the person or my point of view. I guess that happens to many of us, but that is not a healthy way of reacting to a situation. What can we do to help ourselves solve such things? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted February 13, 2015 Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 I understand your frustration, it is a big issue to feel invalided by someone else I think its important to realize that opinions are exactly that, I used to feel that anyone who didn't agree with me was mocking me or thought I was stupid, the truth is everyone is entitled to an opinion and what is true for one person is not true for another, I try to treat people with respect and I will say things like "I see your point of view and understand why you feel that way, Personally I believe this and I will agree to disagree on this matter" both people can be respected and understood but don't always have to agree. being different and having different opinions and views are what make us great as a species, if everyone was the same the world would be super bland and boring, I am happy to be different and I actually take validation in being different, to me it shows that I am capable of independent thought rather than being a mindless drone to those around me, I take pride in having my own opinions and being able to express them, regardless of whether people think i'm wrong or bat shit crazy or whatever, I feel happy that I am able to have these views and stand by them. I hope that helps in some way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted February 13, 2015 Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 Another tip, people usually feel heard if you repeat what they said in your own words. -So if I understand right then your feeling is that..... Its a good way of showing youre really listening and that is a form of validation. A quote I saw recently and found helpfull; There are three sides to every story your side, my side and the truth and no one is lying memories shared serve each differently Everybody has their own truth and a right to it at the same time we can respect the truth of others Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 13, 2015 Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 I understand what you say about one having to die. For me this was related to a lack of a sense of myself and also with abandonment/separation. WHen we have the same opinion then we are together, we are the same. When there is difference there is separation and this can feel unbearable. It felt like death to me. On the other hand, if one has a fragile sense of self then the other person's opinion is felt like a threat to that 'weak' sense of self. So one wants to kill the other in order to protect oneself. I managed this, more or less, by strengthening my sense of self and self confidence in my values and opinions. Also I had to learn to be curious about others' opinions and bear the frustration/humiliation of not knowing everything. I asked for more information, I pushed myself to learn from others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted February 15, 2015 Report Share Posted February 15, 2015 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pieces-mind/201204/understanding-validation-way-communicate-acceptance I found an article in, Psychology Today on validation that I found useful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burning wing Posted February 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2015 Thank you guys, thanks Saharah Blue, this article really is very helpful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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