bambie Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Hi I'm new on here, I have been in counselling for 10 months. My counsellor knows I have been abused physically and mentally. I was also not wanted by my mother and she was physically/mentally violent towards me from birth. I am close to the point of going into detail with my counsellor but am very frightened, embarrassed and don't know what words to use. Does this make sense? ? I do trust my counsellor, he is brilliant with me but I feel stuck. Any advice welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Hi bambie. Welcome to the forum. I usually write things and take them with when I feel too embarrassed and scared to talk about difficult things. It also helps me to know if I can contact T after I engage with really difficult material as sometimes I get very low after sessions. I have also taken drawings, even though I'm not a good at drawing but an image can speak more than words. It also helps if you talk about the feelings that you feel when you are so close to talk about it as they are as important as the abuse itself. It's great that you find your counsellor supportive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 agree write things down or maybe even write certain words or sometimes we would point to parts of body if we couldn't say the words we have often resorted to writing things down they don't have to be in sentences or anything like that also drawing/painting can help express things sometimes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bambie Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Hi karaindrou,when I first started with the counselling I wrote every day, I do still do a diary. It's a good idea to take it with me and look through it with my counsellor. I too have done drawing's and like you can't draw (stick men is my limit ). It's a bit to do with my medication too as it seems to have lost the ability to express myself. I know what I want to say but it's kind of stuck in my head, it sounds strange I know. I take forever to send texts to friends as have to re read things and change stuff as it can sound as if I'm rambling. Like now! ! Thank you for your reply Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bambie Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Thanks 'Walker' I've started to write things down this morning, see reply to Karaindrou. It is a slow process with me but I will get there. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 sounds like you are doing really well we used to keep a diary everyday and it was something in that that we showed a cbt therapist 7 yrs ago now that alerted him really to how what we had was not just depression but something more and it was him that first said we had bpd also rubbish at drawing its like images come into head yet they wont come out on paper but sometimes they have and sometimes like you it is stick people and symbols and words some of our pictures we did at mh unit look like sort of traffic signs they are so minimal but they showed lots if people were ready to look carefully Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bambie Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Sorry to be ignorant but what is ' bpd'? This has been really useful, knowing that I'm not the only one who is struggling with words, and verbalising what is going on in my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bambie Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 How stupid am I, bi- polar disorder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 your not stupid but bpd is borderline personality disorder bp is bipolar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 bambi maybe you're right and your meds are slowing you down in how you process and express info. That's ok. Sometimes meds reduce feelings and that prevents deep depression from sinking in. Maybe you can talk with who prescribed them to you and see if there is something that can be done about it. I'm too a stick men person :-) But still it has been quite helpful in my sessions. I too took my diary with me to my sessions. Sometimes music, parts of films... anything that helps expressing, showing what is it like being me. Yes, verbal is not always the way for me, especially because some things belong to pre-verbal times (before we learn how to speak as babies) and other things are just difficult to be verbalized. It didn't feel to me that you were rambling. Nor that you are stupid. Insecure is different from being stupid. Hugs bambi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bambie Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you, insecure is a word for me spot on karaindrou. When I was prescribed my medication I was suicidal so yes it was to try and put me in a different place, which thankfully worked. I still have black days but I usually get on my treadmill or walk it out. I'm distracted at the moment as I'm doing some therapy work to take to counselling on Monday so will sign off for now karaindrou. You have been very helpful and given me some good ideas I can use over the coming months with counselling. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 hi and welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue bird Posted July 1, 2015 Report Share Posted July 1, 2015 Hi, I understand it can be really chalenging to open up about abuse... The first time I went to see a therapist, I had a friend with me and he told her in my stead. After one sentence, I was able to continue. Even now I am struggling while talking about details. Sometimes I send my T an email before our session. I feel more secure when she already knows. It might be an idea, which - of course - is not suitable for everyone... But it might be helpful.The fear of being rejected, not understood, laughed at when we speak about being abused can be paralyzing. It is always good to realise that the therapist is trained to react properly, that he/she will not let you down. Good luck. Hope you will find the courage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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