ry82 Posted February 23, 2015 Report Share Posted February 23, 2015 I don't know where to start or even what to say, all I can feel is the pain and how pointless my life is. I am a qualified accountant working in a warehouse because I lost everything 7 years ago. I lost my fiancee, she took my son, I lost my job, I was in a very dark place and done some very silly things trying to end it all. Years of struggling, cbt, crisis Team, everything, I thought things were turning round. I'm married, have a 3yo daughter, see my son. I stopped taking venlafaxine 6 months ago, against my doctors advice. I thought things were ok, then over Christmas I got ill and it really knocked the stuffing out of me. Me and my wife started having troubles, we had a temporary split which tore me apart. I was sat in my car with tablets just wanting to end it. The only thing that stopped me was a photo of my little girl and son. Anyway me and wife got back together but things are so wrong, it feels like I am here to wait on her so she can go to work. She won't let me kiss or cuddle her. We don't talk, if I try to tell her how I feel she threatens to leave me. It is killing me, I feel so fed up with life, everyone tells me to leave but I love her, I can't lose my daughter and I am so scared of beings alone because I don't think I can fight the thoughts and urges to end it. Doctor has put me on Fluoxetine because I refused to go back on venlafaxine, the withdrawals were so bad, dizzy, sickness, couldn't sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted February 23, 2015 Report Share Posted February 23, 2015 That all sounds so very painfull. Have you considered asking your wife if she would be willing to go into couples counselling with you? As for the meds it sounds like things started to go down for you when you quit them, do you see that too? How long ago where you described the new meds, are they doing anything yet? I get the impression an anti d that works for you is very important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ry82 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 It hurts so much. I am so scared all the time, I sit at work just shaking, I can't sleep cos I can't stop thinking worrying. I know all this is in my head but I can't stop it. She hasn't done anything and all I can think is she's seeing someone else, I over think every little thing she does until somehow I twist it to mean she is cheating. Yeah I do see things went bad when I stopped the meds. I feel so ashamed being on them, when my family knew I was taking them all they kept saying is are you off them yet, you need to come off. My family don't even want anything to do with me anymore. I don't know if these are working, doctor increased them last week. I can't go back on venlafaxine, it was so hard coming off them, it scares me going back to them Last night was a really bad night, crying all night, got an hour sleep before going to work. Wanted to end it. I planned it, when how everything. I stopped myself by looking at photo of my kids. I'm sorry, I don't even think any of that post makes sense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ry82 Posted February 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 Y don't know what is wrong with me anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ry82 Posted February 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 I don't know what is wrong with me anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SereiaRoxa Posted March 2, 2015 Report Share Posted March 2, 2015 Good that you are sharing your thoughts and feelings, ry. Sending you hope and relief... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 2, 2015 Report Share Posted March 2, 2015 sending you heeling and positive hugs sweets. Hope things pick up for you soon. Its horible being depressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ry82 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Thank you for the replies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ry82 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 How do people battle suicidal thoughts? Mine are progressively getting worse, i'm trying to hold on to the thought of my kids but daily the thoughts get worse and thinking more and more that they will be better off without me. I don't understand how I got past this once before and why I can't do it again or why I didn't see the signs before I got this bad. I have a lot less support this time with family just saying pull yourself together, which makes me feel even shitter. I can't turn to my wife cos I know she will leave me. I have no close friends. Really struggling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ry82 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2015 I really need help. I've had enough. All I can think about is ending my life. I am so in love with my wife but it doesn't feel like she loves me and it's killing me. I don't know if it's true or in my head but I'm hurting so bad. I can't talk to her about it cos she says she can't deal with me being like that and threatens to finish with me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AIDT Posted May 15, 2015 Report Share Posted May 15, 2015 Depression is very horrible thing. Try to keep yourself busy and involve yourself in some activity like sports, dance etc.You will feel good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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