strongandweak Posted February 23, 2015 Report Share Posted February 23, 2015 I'm 27yo female with some interest and knowledge in psychology generally, and a few months ago I accidentally ran onto BPD description first on Wikipedia, later on other places online, and reading it all made so much sense to me - I felt like I'm not this generally weird and mentally unstable person, but someone who may be having an actual illness with a name and reasons for acting the way they are. I did a few tests online that confirmed that I may have BPD, but of course it's all a maybe without being checked by a professional. Yet again, seeking professional help is something I'm unable to do at this point in life, so I'm reduced to struggling the same way I've been all this years, pretty much since I was about 13-14 years old. A lot of things have been happening to me since then that could be connected to BPD (notably self-harm in teenage years, and ongoing: suicidal thoughts, feeling of emptiness, splitting, anger, occasional paranoid thinking regarding interpersonal relationships, trust issues, guilt, masochism displayed in some of my actions and the way of thinking, occasionally lousy self image then again occasional feelings of pride and accomplishment, intense feelings and sudden switches between them, binge eating and spending...) - maybe I'm pattern seeking right now, but BPD or not I do feel like I belong on these forums and hope to be able to participate and maybe find out a bit about myself along the way. Just looking at the polished side, I do have a pretty functional life excluding family relationships, and I've been avoiding relationships and sex for years now even though I'm sexual and even feel like missing closeness etc. at times. Another theoretical concept I related to was dismissive–avoidant attachment style. When it comes to relationships with friends I maintain them by 'hiding' the socially undesirable aspects of my personality, which also at times makes me feel disconnected, lonely, kinda like I'm living a lie, in a way I am I guess. Even though I was almost joyful to find out about BPD and feel like I belong, I don't think I could handle the stigma attached to being diagnosed and I guess something like that would be a life changing event. I should mention that I live in a smaller European country where stuff like that is even bigger than I assume it is in UK for example. In conclusion I'm definitely not ready to seek help and possibly out myself but I hope I can at least somewhat benefit from learning about BPD online and maybe struggle a bit less, I'd really like that to happen. Thanks for reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted February 23, 2015 Report Share Posted February 23, 2015 Hi and welcome here, You are most welcome to join here, a diagnoses is not needed. There is lots of great support here and advice and I hope it is of benefit to you. There are also things you can do privately to help yourself, there for instance some good selfhelp books about BPD out there. Diagnoses or not if you recognise things in it then the advice might help you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 hi and welcome. You will learn a lot on these forums about all kinds of disorders not just b p d. Hope you find your time here useful and informative as well as supportive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SereiaRoxa Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 Hi Strong, I hear you on not wanting the stigma of outing your (possible) diagnosis. But one great thing about discovering it is that now you have more direction for getting help and relief. Ie: finding this forum. Welcome- glad you are here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.